Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened To Me, Eventually
by MaturePopcorn
Summary: Though a hard alcoholic for many years, Shadows' drinking has significantly picked up recently. Now fired for drinking on the job, his heavy alcoholism continues, ultimately leading to trouble. Through his journey of recovery, Shadow changes his outlook on life and incredible things begin to happen. Eventually. WARNING FOR MATURE OLDER VIEWERS ONLY HIGH TRIGGER WARNING. M PLUS
1. Chapter 1

**Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened To Me. Eventually.**

Maturepopcorn

 **Description:**

Shadow despises his job and everything about it. Though a hard alcoholic for many years, his drinking has significantly picked up recently. Once fired for drinking on the job, the heavy alcoholism continues, somehow even stronger, ultimately leading to trouble. Through his journey of recovery, he changes his outlook on life and incredible things begin to happen. Drama and angst, this is the most _mature_ and serious fanfiction I've ever written and is about the struggles of alcoholism and recovery; it is meant for older viewers.

 **Warning:**

Yes, there will be a sex scene at some point, but more importantly, this fanfiction covers some heavy topics including alcoholism, sexual assault, and self-harm. This story will be highly triggering, so read at your own risk and don't complain if something necessarily negative happens. You've been warned.

 **Author's Note:**

Before y'all say anything, I'd like to quickly state that I really and actually _did_ do a lot of research before and during the writing of this story. This includes but is not limited to: the price of alcohol, the process of getting arrested for a DUI, going to court, and what AA meetings are like.

I acquired this research by simply living the last five years of my life.

Yes. That is the truth.

Though I rarely get personal about my real life on this website, I feel the need to finally tell the truth to my dedicated followers and friends; the truth is, I'm an alcoholic myself and am in the process of getting sober. I am, no joke, writing this story in a rehabilitation center. This story is a coping skill for me and will help me get my story out on paper, through the eyes of a fictional character; almost all the details of the story are things that actually happened to me, though slightly out of order. View it as a window into my life.

If you or someone you know is going through addiction of any kind, please, feel free to PM me. I may not have much clean time yet, but I'm always available to listen and/or give advice. I may even give you my Snapchat or Kik. Thank you all for your continued support through my struggles and sincere love of my writing; it means a lot to know people actually enjoy these silly things (I say silly but this specific one is pretty serious, so...) 3 :)

~Hannah~

Chapter 001

Shadow blinked open his eyes slowly, letting the early morning sun hit him fully through the cracked blinds. He sighed as he looked at the alarm clock on his nightstand; he had overslept again.

 _"Looks like I'm late to work again…"_ he thought, characteristically apathetic.

Slowly getting out of bed, slowly getting dressed and slowly eating breakfast, where he drank a somewhat large glass of brandy, Shadow took his time and finally rolled into work a full 2½ hours late, a little drunk. He was employed by a bank in downtown Westopolis; though he held a comfy position with high paying wages, he had grown to hate his job and everything about it over the past six months. That being said, at just over nine months of employment, it was the longest job he had ever held. Shadow was 25. This, coupled with his overwhelming sense of loneliness and resentment at the world, had driven him to drink more heavily than usual over the last few months as a way to cope.

He had sat at his computer for all of about five minutes before his boss, Hannah, came around the corner of his cubicle and tapped him on the shoulder.

"I'd like to see you in my office, Shadow. Now," she added, quite sternly. Hannah was usually a carefree and happy woman who supported every employee under her as much as she could, helping them through tough times and giving them paid leave whenever they needed it. She hardly ever raised her voice or spoke harshly; Shadow knew he was in a lot of trouble, but he didn't really care.

He waited until she had gone back to her office before standing up and muttering under his breath, "Bitch…" Then he followed her inside, stumbling once. The office itself was quite large and spacious, overlooking all of Westopolis from the 18th and top floor of the building. He knew Hannah had worked hard to acquire her position as president as well as her office, and she was very proud of it; sometimes, however, she could be somewhat stuck-up in Shadows' opinion, and could do with some humility. Needless to say, he disliked his boss as much as he disliked working at the bank itself.

He sat down in a padded chair across from a large oak desk and waited as Hannah stared out the window. He knew exactly why he was here; he had been late almost every day for a month and had been lacking in performance. Shadow was on the chopping block, or so he believed.

"Shadow…"

"Can we just skip the formalities and get right to it?" Shadow boldly asked.

Hannah turned to face the hedgehog and widened her eyes in surprise, tilting her head. "Excuse me?"

Shadow sighed deeply before continuing, "We both know why I'm here and I'd like to get it over with."

Hannah's left eye twitched. "I don't think you know why you're here."

The hedgehog glared. "I know _exactly_ why I'm here. I've been doing a shitty job at my shitty job. I hate it here, you hate me here, and more specifically, I highly dislike _you_." Shadow hadn't had meant for the words to come out as harshly as they did, but he found himself spilling months' worth of resentment. The alcohol in his system was definitely aiding him in his desire to finally share his true feelings, and he found himself unable to stop. He continued, "Jesus Christ Hannah, I don't know how you've put up with me for this long; I don't know how you put up with this job at all. Either you have the patience of a saint or, more likely, you have connections with the devil." He paused to take a deep breath, then finished by adding, "To reiterate, I fucking hate it here."

Hannah stared for a few seconds. Turning her head and glancing at the hedgehog sideways, she responded, "Are you drunk?"

It was Shadow's turn to widen his eyes in surprise. He quickly recovered, responding, "So what if I am?"

Hannah sighed, saying, "I can smell it from here. This has to stop… If you are to continue working here-"

Shadow cut her off by simply saying, "Fuck off."

"You're fired."

"God, finally."

Hannah gave the hedgehog a look of discomfort. "I didn't want to see you go, especially not like this. I tried everything, I looked the other way so many times; I wanted you to succeed." She shook her head sadly. "Pack your things and be gone within an hour." She hesitated before adding, "By the way, Shadow… I'd like to take you to an AA meeting tonight. You may not work for me anymore, but I'd like to think of you as a friend. If you'd like, I can stop by your apartment and-"

Shadow scoffed, cutting her off again. "I don't want to hear any more from you. An AA meeting? Please, Hannah, I'd rather die."

At this, Hannah's patience finally ran out. Snapping, she practically yelled, "Leave. _Now."_ Pointing at the elevators, she added, "Security will pack your cubicle for you. Get the fuck out of my bank."

Shadow laughed cruelly. Hannah cussed but once in a blue moon; he knew he had struck a nerve. Hannah's only child Robert was currently in jail for a second DUI, and Hannah had been distressed for weeks. The hedgehog didn't say another word, but simply walked to the elevator and went down to the first floor, stopping twice for people to board the elevator. Upon reaching the lobby, he grinned and strolled along to the front door, humming to himself.

The receptionist glanced up from her desk. "Leaving already? It's not even noon."

"Just got fired," Shadow said, chuckling.  
The woman, whose name Shadow had never bothered learning, widened her eyes in shock. "O-oh… I see…" Shadow continued humming and exited the building, vowing to himself to never return. He walked the two short blocks to where he had parked his motorcycle and was about to get on it before noticing a paper under his windshield wiper.

 _"Seriously? A fucking ticket? Whatever…"_ He walked over and retrieved the paper, turning it over to reveal that it was, in fact, not a ticket.

The paper instead read, "Are you struggling with addiction? Is someone close to you an alcoholic? Help is out there! Come to one of our many AA meetings or call our hotline, as listed below." Shadow stopped reading at this point. He growled softly. How dare they assume anything about his life? He crumbled the paper and threw it into the street, then got on his cycle.

He first drove in the opposite direction of his apartment, heading instead to the closest liquor store he knew, a small family owned shop called We Know. The store was in a bad part of town and, with less police presence, the owners didn't ID minors; Shadow had frequented the store since the age of 15. He pulled up, got off of his motorcycle, tried to ignore the homeless schizophrenic man on the sidewalk, and walked inside.

The store was empty, save for one person behind the counter. Shadow waved and said, "Hey, Noah. How's it going?"

A thin Saudi man in his 30's, with a goatee and mustache, looked up from his newspaper and smiled. "Hello, Shadow, it is going alright," he responded in a distinct, though not harsh, accent. "How are things with you?"

Shadow scoffed. "Remember that job at the bank I hated? Well, they finally fired me. About 30 minutes ago, actually."

Noah tilted his head at the hedgehog, responding, "Friend, I have just the thing for you." He proceeded to pull a large bottle of brandy out from behind the counter. "This is the finest liquor we carry; it is 90 proof and only $88. It will melt all your troubles," he finished, gesturing his arm in an exaggerated arc.

Shadow whistled. "That's a hefty price, even for a bottle that size."

The man behind the counter smiled again. "No, no, you misunderstand. It is only $88 for those I do not know. You, my friend, are a friend. For you, $50."

Shadow, still a little tipsy, thought about it for a moment before shrugging and smiling. "What the hell, I'll take that off your hands for 50 bucks."

"Excellent, excellent!"

The transaction was completed, the money and booze (as well as a pack of cigarettes and a lighter) traded hands, and the hedgehog thanked the man as he exited the store. He got back on his motorcycle and immediately popped the cap off, not caring who saw. He usually kept track of how much he drank by measuring ounces with a shot glass, but this time he drank straight from the bottle, chugging. Most days, Shadow was more "civilized", but today he had no such reservations and simply wanted to numb himself beyond recognition. He drank about a liter of the stuff, glazing his eyes in the process; he then looked over at the aforementioned homeless man. Under most circumstances he would never have even made eye contact with such a person, but in this state, looked directly at him and yelled, "Hey!"

The man wearily glanced at Shadow. He took a few steps forward and timidly responded, "Yeah?"

Shadow, feeling uncharacteristically generous for some reason, slurred, "Y'want this?" He waved the remainder of the brandy, two cigarettes, and a ten dollar bill in his hand and grinned as the mans' eyes lit up. He nodded his head without saying a word and received it from the hedgehog. Popping the lid back off, the homeless man chugged the rest of the liquid in one breath and waltzed inside with his $10.

Shadow took a deep breath. He felt good; a little _too_ good. Before taking off, he decided to call his on-again, off-again "friend", Sonic the Hedgehog. The phone rang twice before a voice from the other end cheerfully said, "Hey buddy, how are you doing today?"

Shadow smiled in relief; he had caught him in a good mood. "Hey, it's goin' alright, I'm good… How're you?"

The line was silent for a long moment as Sonic hesitated. Finally he responded tentatively, "I've been doing alright. How's work been? Are you on lunch or something?"

Shadow laughed a little too hard. "That shitty bitch of a job? Nah, got fired today."

Sonic sighed. He originally wasn't going to say anything, but could no longer hold his tongue. "Shadow, how much did you drink today?"

Shadow let out a "Humph" before answering cryptically, "The details don't really matter, do they?"

Though Shadow couldn't see it through the phone, Sonic raised his eyebrows in concern. "Shadow, I'm concerned… Has everything been okay these last few months?"

Somewhat nonsensically, he responded, "I'll let you answer that," then hung up abruptly. He knew his answer didn't make any sense, but he was too drunk to care; nor was he sober enough to formulate a rational answer anyway. Sighing deeply and rocking his head back and forth a few times, he started his engine and blasted Paramore before tearing off from the store. A blue car honked as it came within mere inches from hitting his motorcycle, but Shadow either didn't notice or didn't care. Swerving between his lane and oncoming traffic, he raced back towards his apartment. Driving as much as 25mph over the speed limit at times, Shadow was honked at four more times, ran two red lights and a stop sign, and came within less than a foot of hitting a pedestrian twice. Somehow, he made it home in one piece.

Parking in his usual spot, he hopped off and walked towards his door. He was, however, stopped by one of his few friends.

Shadow growled, "Not now, Tails," before attempting to push the small orange fox out of his way. This didn't work though, as he stumbled into a fall and was caught by the fox. Shadow breathed deeply through his nose in anger; he hated the physical contact, but not for any obvious reasons.

Though he would never admit it to another living soul, and hardly admitted it to himself, the honest truth was that Shadow was deeply in the closet. He came from a religious family, went to a religious school in a more conservative part of town, and was raised to believe it was morally incorrect to be gay. Though he now lived in bustling downtown Westopolis with accepting friends, with his friend Silver even being gay himself, he was still frightened to come out to anyone, an emotion he pretended not to have all together. In pretending to be straight, he had doubled down on a perceived "manly" personality; he worked out six days a week, dated new women every other week, and, of all his friends, gave Silver the most shit. This was yet another factor in his continued alcoholism.

"Shadow…" Tails' eyes began to water, threatening to spill over; the timid fox was very emotional and cried freely, quite the opposite of his hedgehog friend. "I came as soon as Sonic called me. I was so scared waiting for you; I wasn't even sure if you would make it. If something had happened to you…" A tear rolled down Tails' cheek.

Shadow stood up, leaning his head back. "Tails, do me a favor and shut the fuck up. I'll always be just fine." He scoffed and turned his head to the side, spitting.

Tails frowned and silently cried more. Quietly, almost in a whisper, he continued, "That's not how you talk to friends." He wiped his face with his hands. Breathing deeply, he blinked long and hard, and when he opened his eyes he had a strong look of determination and confidence. Louder this time, Tails stated firmly, "Shadow, whether you like it or not, I'm taking you to a meeting."

Shadow lost his temper. Not caring about his friend's timid nature, he loudly yelled in perfect, non-slurred speech, " _Fuck you!_ First my bitch of a boss, then that fucking paper on my windshield, now _you_? No. Absolutely not." He pulled his newly acquired box of cigarettes from his back pocket and, taking one, lit it. Blowing the smoke directly into Tails' face, he continued, "Furthermore, how dare you even _assume_ I need that fucking 'program'? That shit's for pussies that can't control their lives. Don't be a preachy bitch."

Tails balked at several things. "When did you start smoking?" The fox shook his head. "That's not important. Ignoring the mean things you just said, my offer is still on the table. AA helps a lot of people, Shadow. Please, just come with me."

Shadow flashed a look of rage, and Tails, losing his confidence, quickly backed off. However, he quietly added one more sentence. "If AA's for pussies, what does that make me?" Softening his gaze, he walked back to his car, defeated. He glanced back once but said nothing before getting in the orange vehicle.

Shadow, shocked, lost his rage and took on a face of shame, something he rarely experienced. He tried to process the simple sentence Tails had left him with. He didn't know Tails drank at all, let alone went to AA; he had assumed the fox was only offering to take him out of kindness and concern. _"Is Tails an alcoholic?"_ he thought. Stumbling, Shadow put out his cigarette by stepping on it and took two shaky steps towards Tails' car, but it sped off before he could get the foxes' attention. _"Fuck…"_

He knew he should apologize to Tails, but he couldn't bring himself to call him. He hadn't'd even had a plan of what he would say if he had caught up to his car, so what could he possibly say over the phone? Growling in anger at himself, he barely made it to his apartment door. He fumbled for his keys a few moments, then let himself in and made a beeline for the fridge, not even bothering to close the front door. He pulled out a bottle of white wine, an unopened Chardonnay from last month, and chugged the whole thing. He was already drunk, what was a little wine going to do? Or so he thought…

After this, he drank another bottle of wine, this one red, as well as four beers and, to top it all off, a single shot of tequila. Even he was surprised he hadn't'd thrown up yet. Despite all of this, he truly believed he wasn't an alcoholic. In his mind, he was just melting the day's troubles, that was all. He briefly thought about calling Tails, then, immediately forgetting, staggered wildly through the kitchen and into the living room before flopping himself onto his couch and nodding off, leaving the refrigerator door open.

Shadow woke up abruptly with IVs in his right arm, a cast on his left arm, in an unfamiliar bed. Harsh lights hurt his eyes, and a strange red bruise-like mark was on his right wrist. His whole body ached. Though it hurt to move his neck, he slowly swiveled his head from left to right. He quickly realized he was in a hospital, with a bathroom and the room door to his left, and to his right, a window overlooking the very bank he used to work at, as well as…

He attempted to open his mouth, but no sound came out. He took a few shaky breaths and tried again, but only a small whimper escaped him. His eyes began to water unexplainably. He blinked hard and wracked his brain, trying desperately to remember how he ended up here, but the last thing he remembered was laying on his couch for a quick nap.

He took a deep but shaky breath before attempting to speak again. This time he was more successful, letting out a faint, "Tails…"

The orange fox was asleep on the chair next to his bed; unmoving, the hedgehogs' soft, single word hadn't'd woken him. Shadow cleared his throat as best he could and said again, "Tails," this time slightly louder. Still, his friend didn't move a muscle, save for his rhythmic breathing, in and out, over and over.

Shadow began to breathe more heavily; despite the pain it caused his chest, he was practically hyperventilating. Now panicking, he desperately thought of ways to get the attention of someone, anyone. He looked further to his right and saw a red button. Forcing his eyes to focus, which was an effort in and of itself, he was finally able to read the word below it: "Press for nurse".

He attempted to move his right arm and, successfully moving it about three inches, felt pain shoot through his entire body. _"What the fuck happened to me?"_ Shadow thought to himself. _"What did I do? Oh God what did I do…?"_

Now fully hyperventilating, a machine hooked up to Shadows' chest began beeping loudly, startling him into jolting his body slightly; this sent even more pain through his broken appendages. Tails started, waking up. As the two made eye contact, one scared and one disoriented with sleep but noticeably concerned, a nurse rushed in and scanned the multiple machine screens around the room.

Softly but firmly, glancing at Tails accusatorily as she spoke, the nurse said, "Nice to see you awake finally. Is there a particular reason your resting heart rate is 160?"

Shadow, upon hearing his pulse, widened his eyes in fear and subsequently shot it up to 180; highly dangerous and nearly deadly. He tried to respond with some success, saying, "Sorry… Panicked… Tails isn't… fault…"

The nurse glanced sideways at the floor. Trying to calm her patient, she said, "It's alright, it's alright. Just try to relax, alright? Would you like something to eat or drink?"

As Shadow began to calm down, he looked at Tails and answered shakily and quietly, but fully this time, "No, thank you." The truth was he was starving, but for some reason he didn't want to eat; he didn't really know why. All he wanted was answers. Glancing back at the nurse, he added, "Would it be possible… For you to leave…?"

She smiled softly, not appearing to be offended. "Of course. If you can't do it yourself, have your friend there press that red button if you need anything at all."

As the moment finally caught up with Shadow, he found himself speechless again as he realized how surreal the whole encounter was; the last time he had been in a hospital, he had been four years old. Only there to visit a cousin and barely remembering the experience at all, he had never been a patient himself, save the day he was born. Instead of answering verbally, he nodded in reply.

The nurse left and Shadow looked back at Tails again. The fox opened his mouth to speak but closed it before any sound left it. The two simply stared at each other in disbelief for several full minutes; Shadow had no idea how he had ended up in such a situation and didn't even know all the details while Tails, who understood everything fully, could not or did not want to believe what had happened.

Finally, after an eternity and a half, Shadow spoke. Uncharacteristically soft, careful as to not upset the fox, he whispered, "What… What happened…?"

Despite the hedgehogs' best effort, Tails immediately broke down. He skipped sniffling, waltzed past crying and went straight to eyes-shut, hands-on-face sobbing, letting wails escape his body horribly loudly. The nurse poked her head in warily, then saw _who_ was crying and thought better of entering, leaving again. Shadow was, needless to say, a little freaked out; he knew the situation was dire, but he had never seen Tails like this. After all, wasn't _Sonic_ Tails' best friend? Wasn't he just a secondary character, an afterthought?

Unsure of what to do, he opened his mouth to speak again. However, like the nurse, he thought better of it and shut it quickly. He decided to wait. Another few minutes passed. Tails slowly stopped, tapering down from a sob to a cry, then to a sniffle, before finally grabbing a box of tissues on the nightstand and wiping his face and blowing his nose.

Tails took a shaky breath before finally answering Shadow's question. "You, um… You were asleep for about three days." He sniffled again before wiping his nose and asking, "I'm sorry if this is too much to ask, but can I… um… hold your hand for a little bit? I've been scared out of my mind for days; the doctors thought you might not make it."

Still trying to process the information being told to him and, secretly wanting comfort as well, he simply nodded. He then grimaced and sighed shortly as the simple movement hurt him. Tails winced, quickly adding, "I'll come to you," and held the hedgehogs' hand gently. Shadow asked, "Have you been here… the whole time?" to which Tails simply blinked and nodded.

The orange fox then continued, trying his best to break the news carefully. "From the few witnesses that saw you, we were kind-of able to piece a story together… After I left your apartment around one, you drank quite a bit more and took a nap… That's when you probably blacked out. You most likely woke up around three in the afternoon, and we think you drank again. When Sonic went to your house after you were admitted to the hospital, he noticed you were completely out of alcohol, so my guess is you were on your way to the store when… Y-you…" Tails stopped. Taking a deep breath to steady himself, he closed his eyes and exhaled slowly. "You totaled your motorcycle." The fox opened his eyes, looking on at the hedgehog softly, gauging his reaction. The hedgehog simply blinked in response, and Tails continued, "The people around you estimate you were driving at 75mph when you hit the center divider." He paused here, allowing Shadow to process what he could.

The hedgehogs' eyes had glazed over at this point; he had heard and understood every word, but he felt himself dozing. Not wanting to leave Tails again, he glanced over at his friend and simply responded, "Can you hit the red button?"

Tails did so with his free hand, not letting go of Shadow. The nurse was back in the room within 30 seconds, a curious look on her face. "It's nice to see your pulse back down to 80, Shadow; what do you need?"

Shadow paused a moment, then responded, "What's your name?"

Despite the seriousness of the conversation they had just had, Tails couldn't help but chuckle softly, and the nurse smiled. "My name is Kelly," she answered. "Is that all?" she asked, amusement twinkling in her eye.

Shadow continued in a monotone voice, not one for emotion of any kind at the moment, "Can I get some coffee? Black?"

The amusement left Kelly's eyes, and she let out a soft, "Hmmm…" before answering, "I don't know if that's really a good idea with your heart condition."

Shadow furrowed his brow, confused. "I… I don't have a heart condition."

Tails answered this time, somberly and quietly saying, "Yeah, you do…" Silence fell across the room once more; the tension was as thick as cold butter. After a few moments hesitation, Kelly glanced at the door and gulped softly.

"Oh, honey… If you can keep it a secret, I'll get you a _small_ cup. Just try to stay calm, and don't excite your pulse any, okay?"

"Okay," the hedgehog whispered back, adding, "Thank you."

She left the room once more at this, and Tails looked down. The fox asked gently, "Should I continue, or would you like to take a break?"

Shadow looked Tails directly in the eyes and said, completely off-topic, "I'm so sorry..." before allowing a single tear to roll down his cheek.

A little bewildered, Tails smiled, furrowing his own brow in concern; yet the orange fox said nothing. He looked on at his friend with nothing but concern and love in his eyes, which only made the hedgehog cry more. Shutting his eyes to stop the tears, he continued, "I never should have said what I said. I had no idea you were in AA; I should have apologized but I let pride get in the way like it always does."

Tails squeezed Shadows' hand, though not so hard as to hurt him, and replied as sweetly as he could, "Hey… Real friends don't leave each other over an argument." Grimacing a little, he looked on at Shadow warily. "Are you sure you should be having coffee? I know you've been through a lot but you're acting very different from the way you usually do."

Shadow took a couple breaths and was about to respond when his nurse came back with a cup of coffee. Though he had requested black, and though she had specifically said it would be a _small_ cup, it was a decently sized, nearly full cup with both cream and sugar in containers on the side. Shadow sighed in relief and flickered his eyes, earning a short laugh from both Kelly and Tails. He said thank you, uncoupled his hand from Tails' to hold the coffee, and Kelly left yet again.

Putting a single cube of sugar into his cup and allowing it to dissolve, he glanced first at the brown liquid, then at his friend. "I have a heart condition?" he asked deadpan, his eyes glazing over in defeat. The severity of the situation finally overwhelmed him and he gritted his teeth as Tails responded, lowering his eyes sadly.

"Nobody knew, you um... You were on anti-depressants..." Sensing the fear and shame wash over Shadow, the orange fox swallowed and quickly added, "I am too. There's nothing wrong with it, not at all. Um..." He paused. "Though..."

"Though?"

Tails swallowed again. "You overdosed." He averted his gaze, not wanting to see his hedgehog friends' reaction to this. "When Sonic was at your house, he _briefly_ went through your room for safety reasons and found some bottles. One of them, Wellbutrin I think, said it was filled four days before the... Situation happened... Yet, it was empty. Sonic called back and told me, so I told the paramedics and they said that a side effect of taking it in _normal_ doses is an increased heart rate. So they checked your heart rate. It was, um... Well, I mean, you were going through a lot, y'know? You were hurt pretty bad and you were _really_ drunk, but even so..." His paused, voice quivering as he continued, "Your heart rate was 220. That's about the time you fell asleep." His voice broke as he said, "Shadow, I was so fucking scared."

Shadow glazed his eyes even further; as mentioned a few days before, Tails never cussed. He sniffed and slowly brought the cup of coffee to his lips, then he drank the whole think in one take, breathing between sips through his nose, before finally setting the empty cup on his bed's tray. Then, he held Tails' hand again, and softly inquired, "Well... What does everyone think happened after that?"

The small orange fox glanced at the door, then glanced at their interlocked hands. "You're being awfully affectionate today…"

Shadow rolled his eyes, then closed them. "You already said that in not so many words. Please, continue."

Tails sighed. "Well," he began, "after that you, surprisingly, stood up. You had broken your left arm, four ribs, as well as your right femur and ankle. You mentioned feeling no pain at the time despite standing on your broken leg and using your broken arm. Traffic came to a dead stop, and police and medics both showed up within ten minutes. They arrested you for a DUI."

He would have continued save for the fact that Shadow had interrupted him with, in this order, a sharp intake of breath, a single cough, and a mixed look of panic and pain. Tails panicked as well at seeing Shadow in distress. Tails quickly added, "I think that's enough of that. We can talk more another day."

Shadow, recovering from his outburst of intense pain, breathed out in agreement, "Okay." The hedgehog paused, however, before tentatively adding, "Wait… I'd like to know what I blew on the breathalyzer." One of his guilty pleasures in life was watching the show Cops and he knew fairly well how the scale worked. He held his breath and looked on at Tails, waiting for a response; he expected an approximate 0.300.

Tails sighed out, "You blew a 0.565."

Shadow literally gasped, sending even _more_ pain through his body. Tails frowned, a little angrily, and shouted, "Stop doing that!" Shadow closed his eyes and decided right then he wouldn't open them again until he fell asleep and woke up in the morning.

As Shadow tried and failed to sleep, Tails sat with his emotions for a few minutes. Silence stretched by, and the thoughtful fox decided he would say what had been bothering him for the last three days. "Hey, Shadow…"

The hedgehog, forgetting his self-made promise, blinked open his eyes. "Yeah, Tails…?"

"Um, I don't really know how to say this, but… Um…" He pursed his lips and fell silent, collecting his thoughts. After a few long moments, he went on, "Well, I actually arrived on the scene. The police called me from your phone; apparently, you requested specifically me. You wouldn't get in the ambulance until I showed up and got in with you."

Shadow's heart sank. He knew exactly where this was going already, and he didn't want to have this conversation now. He didn't want to have this conversation ever. He wanted to take this secret to his grave, drinking himself to death over it; that was his life's plan. Now everything was crumbling around him. " _Why did I have to crash my motorcycle? Why did I have to black out? Why did I have to get fired?_ " He shut his eyes again, allowing hot tears to stream down freely. _"Why… Why was I born at all?"_

Tails dropped his gaze and paused. "I think… Even if you don't remember it, you might know what I'm going to say next, huh?" the orange fox guessed. He squeezed the hedgehogs' hand softly and smiled. "It's okay. Would you like me to say it? Or do you want to?"

Shadow inhaled silently and exhaled loudly. He opened his eyes, even hotter tears streaming down now, and looked his friend, his closest friend, directly in the eyes. Though he had never admitted it to anyone, including himself, the honest truth was that he trusted Tails more than anyone in this world. He trusted Tails with his fucking _life._ This amazing, sweet, wonderful fox was Shadows' closest friend and had been willing to stick by his side through three comatose days and potentially longer; all Shadow had done through their last interaction was take him for granted, blow him off, and cuss him out. His voice quivering, he finally, finally, finally released one of his deepest, and in his opinion, his absolute darkest and most shameful secret; his secret he had hidden from everyone; friends, family, strangers, _everyone._ His answer to Tails was a short three words: "Tails, I'm gay."

Tails nodded. He knew. He had already known. Maybe he had always known. Regardless, his secret was out, and he hadn't'd expected to feel such relief. Shadow's voice broke again as he continued, in barely a whisper, "Is that… _All_ I told you?"

A look of wary confusion crossed the two-tailed foxes' face as he answered, "Um… Yes? Was there supposed to be more?"

Shadow continued his gaze into Tails' eyes. He had broken character so much over the last few days, showing so much emotion he always kept bottled up and sharing so much of his deep, intimate life details, he was a little surprised he had kept that "more" to himself. That being said, now in the hospital nearly dead, what was a little more truth? He softened his eyes a little more until all that remained was a sense of pure compassion and… Sadness? The fox, deeply concerned for whatever was to come, held the hedgehogs' right hand with both of his own. Bracing himself for the worst, Tails closed his eyes. He would never have been prepared for the next three words that came out of Shadows' mouth.

"I love you."

 **Author's Note II:** Jesus Christ y'all I'm so goddamn tired I literally, I'm not joking here, had to Google the word "couch" _**twice**_ to make sure I spelled it right. The staff at this rehab I'm at are not pleased I stayed awake until 3am. That being said, I'm very sorry if there are any plot holes or if something doesn't make sense… I did, after all, write this in one go at 1am-3am. If there are any grammar mistakes, spelling errors, if something just sounds hokey or cheesy or plain stupid, etc. If you spot anything glaring at all, please leave a comment in the review section and I will fix it tomorrow when I (eventually) wake up. I'll proofread it tomorrow and update it anyway whether people comment or not but I appreciate the help. Anyways, I love y'all and appreciate your continued support as I not only write stories but also bear my soul for the first time ever. As previously mentioned, a lot of what is mentioned in this chapter and future chapters are things that actually happened to me; it feels nice to get these things off my chest. Please, be kind in your criticisms and rate this story fairly and honestly. If you didn't like it for whatever reason, tell me specifically why, and I'll try to fix the issue(s) in future updates. Thanks all! Keep reading, keep writing, and keep asking for help; you'll always receive what you need.

P.S. Sorry if the parts mentioning AA feel preachy; AA has really helped me in my recovery, but I know it's not for everyone.

P.P.S. As it turns out, writing and drinking coffee are not helpful when one is trying to sleep. I've already proofread and edited the story, it is now SIX in the morning, and I've slept a grand total of zero hours. Again, if you notice anything, tell me. No writing is perfect. LOVE Y'ALL! *muah*

Love, ~Hannah~


	2. Chapter 2

Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened To Me. Eventually.

MaturePopcorn

 **Description:**

Shadow despises his job and everything about it. Though a hard alcoholic for many years, his drinking has significantly picked up recently. Once fired for drinking on the job, the heavy alcoholism continues, somehow even stronger, ultimately leading to trouble. Through his journey of recovery, he changes his outlook on life and incredible things begin to happen. Drama and angst, this is the most _mature_ fanfiction I've ever written, about the struggles of alcoholism and recovery; it is meant for older viewers.

 **Warning:**

Again, still graphic. Was that last chapter bad? It only gets worse.

 **Author's Note I:**

Thank you all for your kind words in the reviews and even more so in the PM's, I don't think my PM box has ever been that full. I will reply to each and every one as they come in as soon as I see them. Your continued support means the world to me, it really does. Again, I'm always here for advice or just to listen; community is vitally important.

P.S. In this story, they wear clothes and full outfits; they aren't just naked like in the games and anime lmao I promise.

~Hannah~

Chapter 002

"You…" Tails breathed out but one word, then grew speechless. The fox was flooded with emotions. He had never been confessed to before, and by Shadow of all people?

Shadows' eyes continued to bore into Tails'. Now, having shared everything he could possibly share, his deepest secrets and hardest truths, his eyes grew cloudy with grief and concern. Then they grew hard with emotionlessness. The hedgehog looked away. The orange fox opened his mouth, seeming to find his words, but was immediately cut off by Shadow, who spoke softly, "Forget it."

Despite everything, all the hardship and pain, Tails laughed. It was an uncomfortable laugh, one where you don't know what else to do and you want to run but you can't. He stopped abruptly and squeezed Shadows' hand and, in a serious tone, responded, "Um, no." Shadow glared at this; behind the anger in his eyes, the fox detected a distinct self-loathing as well as an abundance of fear, and… Something a little sadder… He shook his head and continued, "With all due respect, Shadow, a bombshell like that isn't simply just 'forgotten'." The hedgehog opened his mouth for a retort but was this time cut off by Tails, who continued, "That being said," before hesitating; the fox wanted to choose his next few words carefully. Taking a deep breath and closing his eyes, he finished his sentiment, "I will always love you."

Shadow was bewildered. "You… love me?"

Tails smiled softly. "Of course," he said, before realizing the implications of the situation. His eyes widened in surprise, though he tried and failed to cover it up, and he hastily added, "Platonically."

All that escaped Shadows' mouth was a soft, "Oh," before he closed his eyes and took a _very_ shaky breath. He had let himself get his hopes up for absolutely no reason; of course it had backfired and hurt him. _"He loves me… Platonically…"_ The hedgehogs' head spun, his heart beating heavily. He uncoupled his hands and opened his eyes, glazing them over with a false sense of apathy. He had bared his soul to Tails today, and it was time to be emotionless again.

Tails saw this and sighed. He looked on at his friend sadly, wishing he could do or say more, thinking, _"I can't change my feelings; it's not my fault."_

Shadow happened to glance over and regretted it immediately. The look in the foxes' eyes, to him, was viewed as a clear sign of pity. Fresh out of tears and now angry, Shadow growled, "I never should have told any of my secrets. Not to you, anyway." He paused for a moment, and his eye twitched. Muttering too low for Tails to hear, he jabbed, "Look at _me_ with pity, at least I'm not a fucking alcoholic," before continuing louder, "Get out."

Tails' made no movement at first; the two stared at each other for what felt to Shadow like an eternity. He looked over at the door and said, "No."

Shadows' eyes flashed a warning at his friend. "Excuse me?" he said, raising his voice in anger. Both bewildered and on the verge of fury, he shut all reason out of his brain and began to shout, "Out. Now. Get the _fuck_ out of my room!"

As Shadows' voice echoed off the walls of the hospital room, there came a gentle yet firm reply, "What are you gonna do, make me?"

Shadow fell silent at this, deflating a bit. Truthfully, there wasn't much he could do; his whole body was broken and simply sneezing sent searing pain though him.

Allowing reason to return to him, he wasn't fully sure he even wanted Tails to leave. The fox had changed fairly drastically in the past few days since Shadow had seen him last, and he seemed to stand up for himself more, carrying a bit more confidence. He weighed his options in his mind quickly.

First, Tails was arguably the closest person to him at the moment; even before the crash, the fox had been by his side a lot more lately. Then there was the fact that Shadow _did_ love him; even if his feelings weren't reciprocated, Tails _did_ love him in a different way. His heart even fluttered a little at the thought of this.

On the other hand, however, there was his pride. Something deep inside him kept the hedgehog from growing too close to anyone, least of all the ones he loved.

Shadow glanced down at the covers, eyes glazed over and narrowed. He had come too far in his conviction now; hedgehogs weren't quitters, and he especially didn't give in to anyone. He took a deep readying breath and, before Tails could say another word, ignored the searing pain that was sent down his chest and right leg and reached up, pressing the red button. This earned both a whimper of defeat from Tails as well as a grunt of victory from Shadow.

"Please…" Tails began, "Don't push me away…"

"Leave," was the only response he got.

Tails stood up slowly, refusing to make eye contact. "I'm not giving up on you. Ever," he declared. "No matter how much you complain or push, I will be there for you through it all."

Shadow repeated himself even louder, "Leave!"

Tails finally snapped at this. "I have stood by your side through all your crap, Shadow. Do I mean nothing to you?" he snarled, continuing, "Or do you not really love me?"

The hedgehogs' voice faltered, responding, "How _dare_ you use that against me." Shadow then screamed, "I never want to see you again!"

"Maybe you never will." With that he grabbed his things and walked through the door. He paused at the threshold and turned his head to give Shadow a passing glance. His last words were a soft and barely audible, "I didn't mean that." Then, passing Kelly on the way out, he began to sniffle.

The nurse looked at Shadow quizzically. "Is everything alright? He looked like he was crying." She seemed to have not heard anything. Before Shadow could answer, she continued, "I was actually on my way in anyway; this is my weekend, Shadow. I'm leaving for the next two days. But I'd like to introduce you to your new nurse."

As if on cue, a tall and somewhat intimidating bearded man walked in slowly, as though he were calculating each step. His eyes were perpetually half closed, and when he spoke, his words came out monotone. "I am your nurse, yes, every 12 hours for the next five days. I am also this floors' resident psychiatrist, and I will be prescribing you Librium. It helps with alcohol withdrawal symptoms as well as is a seizure preventative," he stated in a thick German accent. Continuing, he said next, "I am also prescribing and administering upon your request Valium. Take it as needed, no more than once every six hours. My name," he tacked on, pointing to his nametag, "is Philip. Call me if you need anything."

Shadow nodded and matched his new nurses' monotone voice, saying only, "Alright."

Kelly nodded as well but said nothing. Waving, she turned and left the room leaving Philip alone with the broken hedgehog. The tall German man walked over to the window and looked out over the city. A few moments passed in silence before he said to Shadow, "You have a lovely view of the city. Did you know we are on the 18th floor?"

Shadow scoffed. "What a coincidence. I used to work in that building right there," he said, gently gesturing to the bank with his right hand, adding, "on the 18th floor."

Philip smiled. "The world is full of coincidences, but nothing happens without reason."

Shadow internally groaned. He hadn't'd expected his nurse to be spiritual; he himself was fairly agnostic, despite his upbringing, and disliked overly religious people. The hedgehog believed they needed to "stay in their lane". Not knowing what to say in response, he hesitated before asking, "What, exactly, is Valium?"

Philip dropped his smile and returned to his professional demeanor at once. He answered, "Valium is a very strong pain reliever. You broke a lot of your body and I recommend taking something to relieve yourself of the discomfort."

Shadow sighed in relief. _"At last, something to stop this constant throbbing."_ He grinned. "Yeah, I'll take some of that. When can you get it?"

The man replied, "I have it here with me; I will start you off with one 2mg tablet."

Shadow glanced from the window back to the man, a certain wariness in his eyes. "That doesn't sound like a lot," he voiced.

"I can assure you it is," Philip poured the bottle out into his hand and separated one pill from the rest, handing it to Shadow. He couldn't explain it in the moment, but something primal washed over the hedgehog; everything in his body told him to grab the psychiatrists hand, take the pills, and down them all. He ignored this feeling as best he could as he watched Philip dump the remaining pills back into the bottle, return the lid to the top, and slip it all into his lab jacket's left pocket.

Grabbing the cup of water by his bed, he took the small, greyish, and circular tablet in one easy gulp. Philip nodded and said, "Good. Now, I have other patients to attend to; press the button if you need anything."

Shadow had concerns about whether he would be able to press the button again considering how much it had hurt the first time, but he simply replied, "Okay. Thank you," before slowly grabbing the TV remote on his bedside table and turning on the TV.

A few minutes passed as the hedgehog flipped through channels, finding nothing he liked. Finally, he gave up and settled for Jeopardy! and leaned back with a sigh. He missed Tails' company, though he would never admit it to anyone. The first episode came and went, then the second, and after a while, he noticed his arm began to hurt less. He narrowed his eyes. Testing his body out, he moved his left leg. No pain. Then he tried to move his right leg, the one he had broken in several places, and to his surprise, he felt a small, dull pain; nothing at all like what he had been experiencing the last few hours. He lifted his left arm, and again, the pain he felt was dull and minimal. He grinned widely, overjoyed. _"Maybe these broken bones won't be so bad; they'll be healed before I know it with pain meds like these."_ Shadow then raised his right arm and pressed the red button, feeling no pain at all save for his ribs, though again, it was highly diminished.

About a minute and a half later, Philip came back into the room. He spoke quickly, "Yes, Shadow, what can I do for you?"

"I was wondering if I could get more Valium."

Philip narrowed his eyes. "I believe I already told you, no more than every six hours, Shadow." He removed his glasses from his face and wiped them on his shirt, adding bluntly, "Is that all? I have more patients in worse distress than you."

The hedgehog hesitated before, thinking fast, he asked, "Can I get some coffee then?" For some unknown reason, he added, "Cream and sugar, please."

The nurse nodded, responding, "It may take a few minutes, but yes. Coffee I can do." Turning, he left the room again, leaving Shadow to think for a precious few minutes. Thinking back to his primal instinct from about an hour before, he decided he didn't want to wait five more hours for more of the drug. He had to come up with a plan fast, and he was glad he had asked for cream and sugar.

Thinking fast, he came across one. Though it would be risky, he figured not much worse could happen to him; he _was_ already in the hospital. It was worth a shot. He first turned the TV as loud as seemed reasonable. He then waited until he heard Philip's distinctly heavier footsteps come down the hall towards his room to slide his body to the left, as close to the bed tray as possible. As the nurse came in the room, he positioned himself just right while looking as naturally as possible.

Philip walked over and set the coffee on the tray. In the two seconds it took to set down the cup, the cream and the sugar, Shadow quickly and silently slipped his broken hand into the left pocket of Philips' jacket pocket. His heart practically beating out of his chest, the hedgehog then slid the bottle out as quietly as he could, fast yet fluid in his movement. He held his breath as Philip walked away and looked out the window once more, and Shadow took this opportunity to slide his hand under the pillow, depositing the bottle. If he had asked for his coffee black, as he always drank it, there wouldn't have been enough time to slide the bottle out before Philip pulled away and he would have been caught. _"Maybe he's right; maybe things do happen for a reason,"_ he scoffed ironically.

The man walked to the door and paused, saying, "I will see you in a few hours for more Valium. Goodbye." Then he was gone, and Shadow was free to take as many Valium as he wished. Pulling the bottle out, he saw it read, "2mg tablets; do not consume more than 10mg in one serving". He shrugged and opened it, popping two into his hand. _"Two more won't kill me,"_ he thought, slamming them both to the back of his throat. Another thought crossed his mind, _"That went off without a hitch. A little_ too _easy if you ask me…"_ He shook his head softly and chuckled, then returned the bottle back to the underside of his pillow and waited for the effects to kick in with an almost giddy outlook of his situation.

The next hour dragged by slowly, but when it was finally over, Shadow tested his body once more. He not only felt no pain whatsoever anywhere throughout, but he now felt mentally elevated and happier. He had drunk the coffee in the past hour and, with the water he had been drinking, he found he now had to pee. Pulling back the covers revealed a bedpan, and Shadow recoiled slightly. _"Disgusting… Embarrassing and disgusting."_ He smirked, thinking, _"Well, I won't be needing this anymore,"_ and with that, he picked it up gingerly and swung his feet over the side of the bed. He set the tray on the floor and kicked it under his bed, then he carefully stood up. He felt nothing at first, but then his right leg began to ache dully. The hedgehog went through the process of popping another Valium, then walked to the bathroom, putting most of his weight on his left leg.

After going to the bathroom, Shadow lay back down on his bed and realized just how tired he was. Perhaps it was the drugs, maybe it was yelling at Tails, he didn't know. He decided to take a nap, and closed his eyes. He wouldn't open them for 14 hours.

* * *

Shadow the Hedgehog was discharged from the hospital exactly two weeks after being admitted, having been through three surgeries. He was never caught for stealing the Valium, though Philip did notice fairly quickly that the pills were missing; he blamed a momentary lapse of memory. Shadow, on the other hand, had the missing pills, or at least the few that were left, and had continued self-administering them as well as receiving a pill from his nurses every six hours on the dot. They were currently tucked away in his bag of clothes that Tails had brought him.

The fox had only visited once since their shouting match, and it was a brief and awkward encounter that lasted 15 minutes. Tails dropped off the clothes and Shadows' phone (which was shattered in the crash but still worked), apologized for the harsh words (though Shadow did not), and more importantly, informed Shadow that his apartment complex had kicked him out for the crash and all the heavy drinking they had known nothing about. Their main reasoning was the fact that small children and elderly people lived in the complex; they couldn't have a chronic drunk driving through their property. Shadow took offence to this, as he genuinely believed he was _not_ an alcoholic, but said nothing in return. Tails had then agreed to pick him up upon discharge and allow him to stay with him for a while.

At first Shadow refused, but unfortunately for his pride and ego, he had nowhere else to stay and hated the idea of being homeless. He begrudgingly agreed, and the discharge date was set.

As Shadow practically hobbled down the steps of the hospital with his crutches, refusing to take the wheelchair ramp, he spotted the fox talking on the phone about 50 feet away. His heart both fluttered and sank, producing a very unusual feeling in his chest and stomach. He silently walked up to him and set his single bag on the sidewalk and stood behind the fox about ten feet away, waiting unusually politely for him to finish his conversation. A couple minutes past, and Tails said goodbye and hung up the phone, turning around to face the hospital. His blank face grew to one of surprise and reserved happiness at the sight of the hedgehog.

"Shadow! Are you ready?" he asked, upbeat. He appeared to be his old self again, and Shadow was undeniably a little relieved.

The hedgehog coughed and stuttered a response, "Yeah, I guess,"

Tails smiled wider, continuing, "Great! Let's get going, then. It's only a five minute drive to my place." With that, he picked up Shadows' bag and turned towards the parking lot, setting off towards his car at a slower rate so as not to leave his friend behind. The orange fox glanced back a few times, and each time he did so, Shadow coincidentally stumbled. The truth was that he had taken 6mg of Valium about an hour before, so the full effects were now hitting him hard; his broken leg didn't even hurt anymore. His whole body felt numb and a little tingly, and it had been hard to speak when discussing discharge with the nurse. The hedgehog was glad he could blame the injury for stumbling and exhaustion for his speech impediments; under normal circumstances he wouldn't care but, in light of the DUI, he didn't want his friend to know he was high.

They reached the car, a characteristically orange convertible. It looked expensive, and was not the car he had driven to Shadows' apartment two weeks prior. Tails had recently run into some money from a lawsuit in which he rightfully sued Walmart for their gross mismanagement of him and others as employees, as well as verbal and, Shadow suspected from context clues, sexual harassment. The fox didn't like to talk about the situation but Shadow knew it had made him borderline wealthy; his apartment was even on the 22nd floor of a skyscraper in downtown Westopolis.

They drove in silence for the very short trip. They also pulled up, walked inside, and boarded the elevator in silence. Finally, as the machine lurched upward toward the upper floors, Tails spoke. "We, um... Sonic and I moved everything we could from your apartment to here. I have a storage unit, so figure out what you absolutely need and what you don't," he requested, adding, "Tomorrow is technically your last day in that unit, so we can swing by if you'd like and make sure we got everything. I think it might be best to take a loss on the furniture; it'll be a while until you get your own place again."

Shadow sighed and rubbed his temple. "Don't say that, please. I'll be out of your fur in a couple months, _max._ "

Tails smiled weakly. "Okay, Shadow," he said, thinking to himself, _"Says the one unemployed with no savings account."_

The two walked inside to a spacious living room with yet another wonderful view of the city. The black and red hedgehog instinctively went towards the fridge to grab a beer. Then, remembering Tails' comments about going to AA himself, went instead to the couch and sat down. Tails sat on the other end and looked over at him with a prompting look on his face. When Shadow said nothing, the fox cleared his throat and asked, "So… How are you feeling?"

"Tired," came a somewhat slurred answer.

Tails nodded in understanding. "Well, this apartment is only one bedroom, sorry, but you can sleep on the couch. I'll try not to disturb you." He stood up and stretched, his two tails whipping softly through the air. "I'll be in my room if you need me. Or… If you'd like, I can unpack some of your things for you?" He quickly added, "Only if you're comfortable with it."

Shadow, already leaning back and closing his eyes, answered, "Sure, go ahead," before beginning to nod off; he had completely forgotten about the bottle of Valium at the bottom of his bag.

* * *

Shadow was abruptly awoken barely five minutes later by an extremely angry Tails, rattling the bottle of pills inches from his face. Doing something Shadow had only witnessed a dozen or so times in his life, Tails cussed, "What the _fuck_ is this?" Taken aback by the strong language, coming from such a non-confrontational creature, Shadow was momentarily speechless. Tails continued for him, "You're taking _Valium?_ Of all the things they could have given you; was it that German man I saw when we first arrived? I knew he was trouble, I got a bad feeling the moment I met him."

Shadow, finding his words, finally replied, "What exactly is the problem here? Those things have seriously helped my pain." Taking a jab at Tails' sensitive nature, he added, "Do you want me to be in pain?"

This didn't work; if anything, it made Tails angrier. "Cut it out, Shadow. There are a couple problems, actually, and I'll list them to you clearly. For one thing, you are an _alcoholic;_ you told me your whole story in the ambulance, about how you started at 15 and didn't stop until the crash. These things are highly addictive and I don't want you anywhere near them."

Shadow scoffed, glaring at the fox. He cut his friend off, retorting, "You're not my mother, Tails. I can do what I want, and for your information, I can handle myself just fine. I'm _not_ a fucking alcoholic." Then, feeling bold, he lied, "And I haven't exactly been abusing them now have I?"

Tails laughed coldly. Shadow regretted his lie when the fox shot back, "Oh really now? Then tell me why a bottle of 180 pills has exactly eight left after just eleven days of taking them? You're supposed to take a maximum of 10mg per day; you've been averaging 25mg." He inhaled, attempting to calm himself, before continuing. "Shadow, this is a big deal to me. _Huge._ I will not allow these pills under my roof; if they're so important to you, you can leave," he said, pointing to the door they had just entered.

Shadow knew that, as caring as Tails was, he wasn't messing around. He didn't know why it was so important to the fox, but he had to consider that if he was to have a place to stay. Weighing his options, the hedgehog quickly decided that eight pills were not worth being homeless.

"Fine," he growled. "I'll stay."

Tails snorted. "Good." He then turned and made his way to the kitchen. Shadow heard the sound of a garbage disposal, then silence as Tails walked back into the living room. His anger subsiding, he now grew concerned, asking, "Is there anything else I should know about?"

Shadow shook his head and sat up. Somehow, he was no longer tired, and secretly wanted company. He looked out the window and said to the fox, "So, did I miss anything while I was gone?"

The fox thought for a second, then answered, "Yeah. Something pretty big, actually." Tails sighed before continuing in a more reserved voice, "Sonic proposed to Amy, and she said yes."

Shadow nodded. He wasn't too surprised; it had never been a matter of "if" but of "when". He detected some kind of sadness in Tails' voice he hadn't'd expected, however, and decided to be gentle in his next question. Inquiring softly, he asked next, "Are you happy for them?"

Tails chuckled sadly. "Well, sure, I mean… Sonic is my best friend and Amy… Amy…" His eyes unexpectedly began to water and he stopped his sentence in its tracks, as if scared to say what was on his mind.

Shadow prompted, "Amy?"

Tails began to cry at this. "Shadow, I've never been very religious or anything, but lately I've been praying," he stated, going down an unrelated tangent. "I know it's none of my business, and I know I _should_ be happy for them but I'm not."

Shadow remained silent. The fox had said "fuck" for the first time in years and was now crying again; the hedgehog was scared that anything he said might set off the fragile being.

Tails went on after a moment, "I'm not because… Beca-because…" He widened his eyes and clenched his teeth, crying harder. "Listen, Shadow. You shared a lot of deep secrets with me, things you've never told anyone before, and I'm honored. I'm going to do the same with you now; if you tell anyone what I'm about to say…" Tails paused, then sniffled, "I might have to kill you," he laughed. He looked at Shadow with caring eyes. "I'm trusting you."

Shadow simply nodded in return. He knew what was coming; he had suspected for years. _"Tails loves Amy. It makes sense, they're so close and Amy spends a lot of time with him. And it's okay; I love him, and that's unrequited. We can suffer together."_

Tails took a steadying breath and looked Shadow dead in the eyes. "I love Sonic."

 **Author's Note II:**

I'm sorry for leaving y'all with another cliffhanger; it will probably happen again. Whoopsies! Thank you all for your continued love and support, and I promise chapter 3 will be up real soon.

~Hannah~


	3. Chapter 3

Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened To Me. Eventually.

MaturePopcorn

 **Description:**

Shadow despises his job and everything about it. Though a hard alcoholic for many years, his drinking has significantly picked up recently. Once fired for drinking on the job, the heavy alcoholism continues, somehow even stronger, ultimately leading to trouble. Through his journey of recovery, he changes his outlook on life and incredible things begin to happen. Drama and angst, this is the most _mature_ fanfiction I've ever written, about the struggles of alcoholism and recovery; it is meant for older viewers.

 **Warning:**

This chapter is where the addiction really comes to a head; there's a bit of a time jump, so you'll see several months' worth of drug abuse in about 6000 words. Sorry for the triggers.

 **Author's Note I:**

Again, my PM box is full, and I'm so grateful for the Sonic community as a whole. I don't have too much to say this time around, so enjoy a dark and graphic chapter of what I've decided will eventually become a full-fledged novel.

P.S. Fans of Knuckles, I'm sorry he's so evil. I swear he's redeemed in future chapters. Also, fans of Espio… I'm sorry. Just… I'm sorry. Like, if you really love Espio... I'm sorry.

~Hannah~

Chapter 003

"Do you want some breakfast?" Tails asked softly. It had been three days since the foxes' bombshell, and the two had been avoiding each other quite a bit. Shadow had not taken it well, simply stuttering in response before claiming to be tired and banishing the fox to his bedroom. In reality, he then spent hours awake thinking of the implications. Was Tails gay? Bisexual? Or was Sonic a special case? Did they have a romantic past? These thoughts swirled through his head all night and even crept into his dreams. Needless to say, when he woke up the following and subsequent mornings, he was mentally a little "off".

Shadow didn't seem to hear his friend, lost in his own thoughts. Tails waited a moment before gently prompting, "Breakfast? I can make us eggs."

The hedgehog glanced at the fox, responding, "Uh… Sure…"

Tails nodded in reply and, smiling, turned back to the kitchen, his tails swirling aimlessly. This left Shadow alone with his thoughts once more. He glanced at the coffee table and noticed that Tails had left him a cup of black tea when he wasn't paying attention; yelling across the rooms, Shadow thanked his friend.

Less than ten minutes past before the fox cheerfully brought in two plates of bacon and eggs. Sitting down, Tails waited in silence a few moments; though he had claimed to be "fairly nonreligious", the hedgehog knew his friend was praying. After a nearly inaudible, "Thank you," from the fox, he took a bite. Shadow was already halfway through his plate. Subconsciously, he found it interesting that Tails didn't end his prayers with "Amen", choosing instead a more generalized approach.

Between bites, Tails asked, "Any plans for the day?"

Shadow shrugged in response. "Might take a walk, clear my head; haven't decided yet."

Tails nodded happily, smiling sweetly. "That might be good for you. It's a nice day and as long as you're careful with your leg it'll be nice to clear your head." Taking another bite and quickly swallowing, he added, "Mind if I join you?"

The hedgehog shrugged again, apathetically replying, "Sure, I guess." He sighed. "Maybe we could leave around noon, or a little after lunch."

"That sounds great!"

"Great."

Clearing the plates and taking them to the kitchen sink, Tails hummed songs to himself cheerfully. He truly believed that, after the Valium incident a few days before and ignoring the Sonic incident, he had made some progress with his friend. He had carefully administered Advil for Shadows' pain, which seemed to be diminishing on its' own; though the hedgehog _had_ gone through some serious withdrawal symptoms without his pain medication.

Tails had explained in further detail just how addictive Valium could be, and how grateful he was that Shadow had only been taking 2mg pills. The hedgehog had argued further, stating that he was _not_ an alcoholic and could handle himself over and over; neither side refused to budge, and it had ended in a stalemate of sorts.

As the young fox was putting the dishes away, having cleaned them, the doorbell rang loudly, startling him. As Tails walked over to the door, Shadow narrowed his eyes and braced himself. Whichever friend of Tails' it was, he was not looking forward to explaining his situation.

The two tailed fox looked through the peephole and gasped in surprise. He unlocked and thrust open the door, exclaiming, "Hey!" before stepping aside to allow the visitor to enter. The fox then added, "It's been too long."

Charmy the Bee hovered inside, looking around. "Woah," he breathed cheerfully, "nice place~!" His eyes finally settled on the black and red hedgehog sitting on the couch. Tilting his head in surprise, he asked, somewhat to himself, "Shadow?"

Shadow stood up abruptly, ignoring the pain in his leg. He hated the bees' cheerful and can-do attitude more and anything, and couldn't stand being around him. He grabbed his crutches and phone and passed the two as he made his way for the front door.

Tails frowned, blinking at Shadow. "Where are you going? I thought we were taking a walk together at noon…"

Shadow glanced at Charmy, then back at Tails. He bluntly replied, "I think I'd like to clear my head now instead," and left without another word.

Tails called out to him, "Be home soon, and be careful! Don't get into trouble!"

Shadow gritted his teeth but held his tongue. How _dare_ that fox try to act like his mother? He could handle himself. The hedgehog went down the hall, into the elevator, and down to the lobby, where he asked a receptionist the name of the streets nearby. Orienting himself, he walked outside and made a left, then another left. He followed this road for about a quarter mile before turning right and going down another half mile; then, about 30 minutes after he had left, he arrived at his destination.

"Hey Noah."

Noah looked up from another newspaper, the store empty yet again. Shadow often wondered how they kept the shop afloat. The man cheerfully responded, "Hello, Shadow! I have not seen you in a while." He looked down, noticing the casts and crutches. "Oh no, what appears to have happened?"

"Just a little crash, no big deal," the hedgehog lied. The two chatted while Shadow picked out his items, two large bottles of cheap vodka and a bottle of Tylenol. Setting them down on the counter, he said, "Marlboro Black 100's, also," and reached into his pocket. Finding it empty, he reached into all of his pockets one by one and revealed no money and no wallet; he had left it at home. _"Shit._ "

"Your total is $57.25." Noah waited a few moments as Shadow double checked his pockets. He stared at the man with a small amount of desperation in his eyes; Tails had been driving him crazy and he couldn't stand another day sober with the fox.

Noah sighed. "You are a regular here, and I trust you will pay me back. Put back the Tylenol and we'll call it an even $40 you owe."

"Thank you so much," Shadow said gratefully, walking to the isle to return the medication. Upon reaching it, he made the spit-second decision to shoplift it instead, stowing it away in his deep back pocket. He walked back to the counter and picked up his things, said thank you again, and left.

In front of the store was the homeless man from a few weeks prior. He pointed to Shadow and beckoned him with a single finger, saying, "Hey, you. C'mere." Against his better judgment, the hedgehog obliged and walked up to the man, who he now realized was missing more than a couple teeth. The man leaned in and, glancing around, stated, "I'm high out of my mind," before leaning back and letting out a hearty laugh.

Shadow was used to this type of person; after all, he had hung around this side of town since he was 15. He humored the man, responding, "Okay, on what?"

"Crack. Y'want some?"

Shadow snorted. "No, thank you. Though if I had any money on me, I'd consider buying some pills," he commented passingly.

The man waved his had violently through the air, laughing more, then reached into his tattered jacket and produced a bottle of Valium. Shadows' heart fluttered; he literally couldn't believe his luck. Then his heart sank when he remembered he had no money. His face lit up, however, as he inquired, "I'll trade you." He held up one of the bottles of vodka and the Tylenol, and the man seemed to think for a moment.

Finally, after a long few moments, he said, "Since you were so nice to me last time I saw you, I'll agree just this once. I usually sell these bottles at $100 each, so consider yourself lucky."

Shadow _did_ consider himself lucky. _Very_ lucky. As he accepted the bottle of pills, he uncharacteristically thanked the universe for his fortune.

Shadow then walked around the block to a park he used to frequent and sat down at a bench. Several people shot him uncomfortable glances, and a father of two glared distastefully as the hedgehog popped open the remaining bottle of vodka and began to chug. It was warm and disgusting, and Shadow hated vodka to begin with, but he didn't care; booze was booze.

Finishing about half of the 1½ liter bottle, or 750ml, he sat it down on the attached table and let out loud and warm exhale. By now, surrounding people had left out of either fear or discomfort, some out of anger. As he opened his new bottle of Valium, a thought ran through his head. _"Fuck Tails. Fuck Sonic. Fuck everyone."_ Perhaps it was the alcohol just beginning to hit him, but he no longer cared. His mind began to race; perhaps he could move out of state, find a new town to live in. At the very least, he could try to find someone to live with that he _wasn't_ in love with unrequited. A roommate, even one from the Internet, anyone would do.

He shook his head. He was fine where he was. As long as Tails didn't find out about his "relapses", he would be fine. Taking two pills out, he swallowed them with another swig of vodka before realizing they were smaller and blue, not grey. Suspicious, he checked the bottle to see that each pill was actually 10mg, not 2mg; he had just swallowed 20mg at once.

 _"Oops. Whatever."_

He pulled a cigarette out of the pack and lit it, puffing smoke into the mid-morning air. Just then, however, a dark purple Mustang pulled up to the sidewalk not 30 feet from the hedgehog. As Shadow took another drag, he recognized the owner; Espio the Chameleon exited the car and looked around hastily. He spotted the black and red hedgehog immediately and nodded in acknowledgment, making his way over to the park bench. His eyes were intensely trained on the two bottles sitting on the table. Shadow groaned quietly, feeling the alcohol hit him harder. _"Tails probably called him to check up on me… I'm done…"_

As Espio walked up to Shadow, he talked faster than usual, as if jittery, saying in his smooth deep voice, "Hey Shadow, my man, how are 'ya?"

Shadow slurred back, "Fine, you?"

Espio darted his eyes between the bottle and Shadow. "Mind sharing?" he blurted at once.

Shadow chuckled in relief; he had not expected the chameleon to say _that_ of all things. He pursed his lips and turned his head, shrugged, and took another hit of his cigarette. "Sure, go 'head," he finally answered.

Espio didn't hesitate in grabbing the bottle and removing the lid once again. Immediately, he put the cusp to his lips and chugged the whole thing in one go, breathing only through his nose. Shadow was almost impressed. Almost. He could do the same, after all.

As Espio finished and sighed heavily, setting the bottle down, he sat next to Shadow. "Mind if I also bum a cig?"

Shadow grunted and handed the chameleon a smoke. He didn't really mind sharing his booze and cigarettes with people, but he never much cared for Espio. He was always too serious for the hedgehogs' liking, though Shadow never saw the hypocrisy in this fact.

Espio sighed again. Shadows' eyes began to glaze over, but he made the attempt at small talk anyways, asking, "Long day?"

The chameleon snorted and responded slower this time, emphasizing each word. "I went to exactly three AA meetings today, and nothing has helped or worked. I'm sick of it all and wanted to drink; thank you for letting me."

Shadow felt an unexplainable guilt. He hated AA and the idea of alcoholism, but for some reason (probably having to do with a certain orange fox), the idea of someone relapsing at his hand didn't sit right with the hedgehog. He covered it up by swallowing another Valium, bringing his total up to 30mg. He didn't know it, but this was a highly dangerous and toxic amount.

Espio eyed the bottle of Valium as the hedgehog took the pill. Shadows' generosity had run out, however, and he hid it in his pocket. Continuing the conversation, Shadow calmly asked, "How much time'd ya have? Before today, that is?"

Espio paused and stared into the distance as the reality of the situation caught up to him. "Five years last month," he whispered. A small breath escaped Shadow; the hedgehog could barely go two weeks, let alone two years. Five years? That was out of the picture; Shadow knew he would drink until the day he died, and now pills were part of the equation.

Shadow remembered something, and a dark thought crossed his mind. "I don't mean to pry or make you uncomfortable," he began, the alcohol making him uncharacteristically comforting, "but how's your kid?"

Espios' eyes glazed over this time. "My ex-wife got custody of him six years ago, due to the drinking, and he's eight now; maybe you'd know that if you hung out with us more often," he added bitterly.

Shadow narrowed his eyes. "I've been drunk out of my mind these last six years; the last ten, in fact."

"Maybe you should go to AA," Espio retorted coldly.

"Maybe you should mind your business, hypocrite," Shadow shot back.

Espio opened his mouth to reply, but shut it. The alcohol hitting him fully, he sighed. "Look at me, Shadow, I'm a mess. I got clean for my kid and the courts still said I couldn't see him. It happened just yesterday." He picked up the bottle and put it to his lips, trying to lick the last few drops. "I'm a failure as a husband, a father, and a _person._ "

Shadow looked away, not wanting to make eye contact as the chameleons' eyes teared up. "If that's what you want to believe, then go ahead. But it's not helping anyone, especially not you, and _especially_ not your kid." He breathed shakily, feeling the drugs begin to take effect. Standing, he added, "Find your own way in life. You may have lost five years, but you can gain them back. When your son is grown, maybe he'll connect with you then."

Espio wiped his eyes. "That… That was kind." Pausing, he tilted his head. "That's not like you at all."

Shadow shrugged sluggishly. "I'm feeling… generous… today…" he said, barely able to get the words out. Stumbling, he took three steps, dropped to his knees and collapsed into the grass. Shadow was unconscious again.

* * *

When Shadow awoke, he was in the back of a car going easily 90mph on a freeway somewhere just outside of Westopolis. He jolted himself upwards, then vomited profusely all over the backseat. Knuckles the Echidna was driving.

Knuckles sighed, somehow apathetic despite the situation. "Could you not throw up in my car? I know it's old and cheap, but I'd like to keep it clean."

Shadow scoffed, "A little late for that." The wiped his mouth, adding, "What the fuck happened?"

"Do you want the short version or the long?"

"Long, please. Give me the details." Shadows' head was still spinning. The cars' clock read 2:32pm; barely three hours had passed, and the hedgehog was still quite drunk and high.

Knuckles sighed again. "You sure? You're not gonna like it."

Shadow gagged, gasping, "Just get on with it. First of all, where the hell are we going?"

Knuckles finally began, "My house, about an hour away in Empire City. The long of the short of it is, you passed out in the park and Espio called Vector. Vector couldn't come, so Vector called me and I rushed over. When I got there, Espio filled me in; you drank half that bottle of vodka and a 10mg tab of Valium, though I'm not sure where the hell you got fucking _Valium_ of all things.

"So I put you in my car and started driving. Rouge called me, completely coincidentally," he said, allowing himself to take a breath. Shadow knew the bat lived in Empire City and was one of the few people still on speaking terms with the echidna. "...so I filled her in. She then filled _me_ in on your, ah… Living situation." He paused. Taking a deep breath, he continued, "I won't go into details, but me and Tails aren't exactly talking right now, so Rouge talked to him for me, then called me back. Tails kicked you out, buddy."

At this natural break in conversation, Shadow was able to process a few things. For starters, he decided to hold his tongue about how much Valium he had actually taken; he did _not_ want to go back to the hospital. Hopefully, he thought, he could ride it out. Checking his pocket, he noticed the bottle was (obviously) gone, and moaned. The red echidna looked in the rearview mirror at the hedgehog and rolled his eyes. "You're fine, just ride it out," he said harshly, mirroring Shadows' thoughts.

Shadow also processed the fact that practically his only true friend had kicked him out after just three days, _maybe_ four, depending on how you looked at it. _"Maybe I do have a bit of a problem,"_ Shadow thought. This notion was quickly banished from his brain, and he shook his head, which caused him to retch again.

Knuckles growled, "Don't you dare," quite loudly.

Shadow shot back, "I feel like I'm fucking dying."

"I don't give a shit; that's your own damn fault."

Shadow didn't like his relationship with Knuckles; it was harsher and crueler than his relationship with Tails. He even preferred Sonic. The blue hedgehog was cocky, but at least he was kind-spirited. Shadow wanted to take a jab at the echidna, but his alcohol and Valium riddled mind couldn't think of anything to say. Instead, he asked, "Why aren't you and Tails talking, exactly? I've been wondering that for months."

Knuckles gripped the steering wheel and pressed on the gas a little harder. Clearly, the hedgehog had struck a nerve. "Listen here, punk," he began.

 _"Punk?"_ Shadow then remembered that Knuckles was 36, the oldest of the group.

The red echidna continued, "If you're gonna live with me, there are gonna be some ground rules. One: I don't care if you drink, but bring pills into my house and you're out, no questions asked. Two: If I say I won't give you details, you don't ask for details, under any circumstances. That includes that aforementioned topic." He paused, thinking, before continuing, "That's about it. You wanna drink yourself to death, be my guest. But no pills, and stay out of my way. Be grateful I'm nice enough to drive you to your court dates for your DUI, fuckhead."

"Well isn't this gonna be a joy," Shadow bitterly responded, his voice dripping with sarcasm. Then, despite Knuckles' complaints, the hedgehog threw up again, this time more violently.

"At least roll down a fucking window and aim!"Knuckles yelled loudly.

They drove in silence for about fifteen more minutes, without even music to break the awkward tension. This left Shadow alone with his drunken thoughts again, though he mostly just focused on not hurling again. He rolled down a window like requested, and the wind in his face seemed to help calm his stomach. Knuckles again looked in the rearview mirror at Shadow and spoke, this time more softly, "Hey. Something else."

"Yeah?"

"Espio's in the hospital."

Shadows' stomach lurched uneasily, and he stuck his head out the window for good measure. The hedgehog instinctively had a bad feeling about this. Yelling loud enough to be heard over the wind, he inquired, "What for?"

"He stole your Valium."

Shadow threw up again, this time outside the car. Knuckles sighed, "Thank fucking Christ you got it right this time."

Shadow practically fell back into the car and lay across the back seat, not caring about the mess he was laying in. This earned a, "Disgusting alcoholic," comment from Knuckles, but Shadow didn't care.

He practically screamed, startling the echidna, "How much did he take?!"

Knuckles screamed back, "I don't fucking know, I'm not a doctor!"

Shadow yelled nonsensically and sat up suddenly. He asked Knuckles, "Is any of my stuff here?"

The echidna snorted. "Apparently Espio had some kind of conscious, 'cause the pocket the pills were originally in was sans pills and plus $50. That's it; Sonic's gonna swing by in a couple days and drop off your stuff. Why?"

Shadow checked his pocket again and, sure enough, found two $20's and a $10. He sighed in relief. "You really don't care if I drink? Pull over at the next gas station."

Knuckles shook his head and whistled, "You really like throwing your life away, don't you?"

"Just do it; I need to forget about all this."

Knuckles' eyes glinted evilly, and he smirked. "Forget what? That you love Tails? Fucking faggot." He laughed. "And no. I'm not pulling over for shit."

"Jesus Christ Knuckles, you really suck." Then it hit him, and his whole body lurched. " _What the fuck? WHAT THE FUCK?!"_ The hedgehog grabbed the echidna by the shoulder, gripping him tightly. The look in his eyes could only be described as pure rage and panic; even Knuckles regretted his remark. "How. Do. You. Know. That." Shadow slowly said, malice dripping from every word.

Knuckles suddenly remembered the fact that Shadow often carried a gun, and knew how to use it as well. This made him uneasy, and for as much as he disliked the hedgehog, he decided to rein it in out of fear. "Ah, you talked in your sleep while passed out. You said his name a lot and even said, 'I love you, Tails'," he said quickly and quietly. Shadow knew he had frightened the echidna; he was, after all, all bark and no bite.

They passed a 7-11, and an off-ramp was ¼ mile away. Shadow commanded, "Pull over," and Knuckles immediately cut across two lanes of traffic, not bothering to slow down. He turned right and drove down to the aforementioned 7-11, and Shadow hopped out without his crutches. He bolted inside and Knuckles waited patiently in the car; he didn't really want the shitty liquor the chain store carried, and he wasn't much of a fan of wine, so he grabbed two 12-packs of Pacifico beer and set them on the counter, repeating his line from earlier, "Marlboro Black 100's," eventually adding, "Please." He had 18 left in his previous pack, but didn't know when he'd be back in a store to buy more.

The Korean man behind the counter looked at him warily and said, in horribly broken English, "You old enough?"

Shadow, at this point, had almost no patience, and snapped, "Look buddy, my friend's in the hospital, I've been kicked out of two houses in four days, and I just got out of the hospital myself." He then tacked on, "Yeah, and I'm twenty-fucking-five. I don't have my ID with me."

The mans' face lit up, nodding. "Ah, 25. Price is 40," he said, seeming to only grasp the last sentence. Shadow snorted and handed him two $20's, walking out with a sort of swagger he didn't really deserve.

Getting back in the car, the hedgehog simply demanded, "Bottle opener," to which Knuckles only grunted in reply before opening the center console of the car, handing him one. The echidna was a moderate drinker himself, and had occasionally been known to drink and drive on a couple beers, though had never been caught. He really _only_ drank beer, and like clockwork, he glanced at Shadow and said cheerfully and upbeat, "Beer me, bro."

Shadow sneered, "Oh, now I have beer, so I'm your 'bro'?" He glared back while he opened the bottle as the echidna looked on expectantly, arm outstretched. He sighed, "Whatever, man. Just don't talk to me, and I won't talk to you."

Knuckles again grunted in agreement. They both took swigs, though Shadows' was bigger, and the red echidna started the car once more.

Upon finally arriving at Knuckles' house, Shadow threw his four empty bottles in the recycling and carried the rest inside. Knuckles had only drank two, and showed signs of slowing down; he was a moderate drinker, after all, not an alcoholic. Stumbling inside, the echidnas' 65 year old mother was sitting in a recliner, watching TV and drinking a glass of wine. The hedgehog had forgotten Knuckles lived with his mom. _"Whatever; at least she drinks too."_

The woman, whose name Shadow knew to be Lara-Le, turned and smiled. "Hello, Shadow; it's been too long. Come, have a drink with me." Shadow grinned. Maybe living here for a while wouldn't be so bad. The older echidna continued, "Dinner will be around five o'clock, so make yourself comfortable. I know the situation, so you can unpack whenever your things arrive." She paused, taking a sip of the red liquid in her glass. Then, she finished with a twinkle of mischief in her eyes, "Maybe we'll have a couple drinks."

Knuckles groaned, "Mom, please don't hit on my friends."

"I'm not your friend."

"Point taken."

Lara-Le laughed, not realizing the truthfulness behind the exchange in their words; instead, she believed it to be lighthearted banter between old friends. "I think you'll like it here. Come, come, and open a beer. Or would you like some wine? It's older than you, so you know it's good."

Shadow snorted, "No, I despise wine. Beer is fine; I paid for it, after all." With that, he opened another beer, and Knuckles sat next to him, doing the same. They all drank together for a few hours before the older female echidna stood and went to the kitchen, leaving Knuckles and Shadow to their own devices. By the time dinner was served, one of the 12-packs was empty, and the hedgehog was loaded; his echidna roommate had only had three beers in total, and Lara-Le had had none.

They ate dinner and laughed, and for the first time in a long time, Shadow felt happy. The alcohol made him artificially more confident, and he spoke his mind. Both of his dinner companions were equally as rude as him, and tipsy themselves, and they all seemed to enjoy themselves. The hedgehog drank two more beers at dinner.

As Knuckles' mother cleared their plates, she commented, "My goodness, Shadow, you sure can handle your drinks. Why don't you have some water?"

Considering it was his first day in the household, he didn't want to upset his gracious host. He filled a glass of water at their fridge and took a sip, then set it down on the dining room table.

The doorbell rang. Shadows' gut told him the good times were over. He quieted his feelings, however, telling himself, _"It's just Sonic with all my crap; if I act sober enough, he won't care."_ Knuckles opened the door.

To say Shadows' heart dropped into his stomach would be an understatement. His heart literally, without exaggeration, stopped beating for a few seconds, then hammered rapidly in his gut. He felt dizzy beyond his ability to stand and fell into a chair; face going chalk white, he began to pass out before forcing himself awake. Shakily standing back up, he took a few steps towards the door but fell again, this time into the couch.

Sonic was absent from the doorframe. Instead stood Tails, face stoic and emotionless, yet with heavy streams of tears flowing freely down his face, showing no sign of stopping. He politely yet coldly said, "Hello Knuckles," before handing him two large duffle bags. Behind him was a police escort of three officers, one of which was holding a suitcase. All of the luggage was Shadows'.

Knuckles' gaze was hard and stoic as well. He responded only, "Hello." Shadow couldn't process anything that was happening, nothing, so instead he subconsciously chose to commit it all to memory and pick it apart later, detail by detail. He only hoped in the moment he wasn't blacked out yet. Knuckles and Tails stared at each other long and hard for a while, the police presence standing awkwardly behind. Only they knew the situation fully; Shadow was out of the loop completely.

Finally, Knuckles took a deep breath before asking softly, "Why are there police at my house?"

The fox did not change his emotionless face, but simply glanced quickly at Shadow before darting his eyes back and replying so quietly the hedgehog could barely hear him, "You know why." Then, so soft the hedgehog only understood by partially reading his lips, said, "You absolute scum of the Earth."

Knuckles said something inaudible, and Tails responded just as quiet. Then, speaking loud enough for Shadow to hear, he said three words that would change the course of Shadows' life forever.

"Espio died today."

The next four months dragged by in a blur; the only thing Shadow remembered about them was the vague sense of drinking heavily and fighting with Knuckles a lot, often physically. He didn't know what the echidna had done to the fox he loved, but it made him furious beyond concern despite his lack of contact to the aforementioned former friend. They both kept their violence a secret from Lara-Le, knowing she might kick them _both_ out. They had an unspoken code to keep the bruises they left below the neck so as not to be seen, and only fought in places the echidnas' mother was not.

Espios' funeral was held eight days after Tails' visit. Shadow had begrudgingly attended, though drunk, and blamed himself for his friends' death. He wished desperately he could go back in time and fix everything, but quickly realized he could not; he then drank more. The hedgehog saw nearly everyone he had ever met at the memorial service, including the chameleons' fully-detached ex-wife and semi-detached eight year old son. Though he gave a speech well written for a boy of his age, there was little emotion behind it; he had not seen his alcoholic father since the age of three. Shadow also gave a speech and, though more passionate, ultimately led to him being kicked out for disorderly conduct; he was too inebriated to function or stand, let alone form coherent sentences. The funeral was, to date, the last time Shadow saw Tails, who did not approach or speak a single word to him. In Shadows' mind, that bridge was now fully burned, and he found it well deserving considering what he had done. This gave him only more excuses to drink.

Two more months after Tails' visit, Sonic and Amy held their wedding ceremony at the top of Emerald Hill Zone. Though invited, Shadow did not attend; he figured he was only requested to attend out of pity, and he didn't want to see Tails again, who was the best man. It was a dry wedding anyway. Shadow had spent the day, Saturday, September 9th, getting absolutely shitfaced and crying. By this point, Shadow had picked up a Xanax addiction and, keeping it a secret from Knuckles so as not to be kicked out, crossfaded himself out of existence for the entire weekend. He later found out from Knuckles, who had attended, that Amy had cried when he didn't show, and Sonic vowed to never forgive him. He thought this a little harsh, but he didn't care. Not really.

Needless to say, his life was a complete and utter mess. Now, sat alone in the dark room he and Knuckles shared, he sat against his bed and picked up his regular bottle of brandy, put it to his lips, and gulped more and more. Numbing out, he listened to the sounds of the house; just then, Knuckles and Lara-Le laughed at something on the TV, and he knew he was safe. He pulled out a single 2mg Xanax bar from under his bed and popped it in his mouth. As he nodded off, his last thought was the single word, _"Please…"_

He awoke two hours later to a sharp punch in the stomach. He fell to his hands and knees, wretched violently, heaving, and inaudibly whispered, "What the fuck," before collapsing completely.

Knuckles sneered, furious, "You think the underside of a bed was a good hiding spot for drugs? Are you fucking kidding me?"

Shadows' eyes glazed in understanding; he was going to be kicked out. He stood up robotically; this was rock bottom; there was no lower than this. He was tired, he was done, and in stoic silence, he was going to say goodbye.

Grabbing his quarter full brandy bottle, jacket, and remaining bars of Xanax, he looked Knuckles dead in the eyes and froze for a second, thinking. With his free hand, he broke their unspoken rule and decked him in the face full-force. As the echidna reeled back, loudly exclaiming in shock, nose bleeding and possibly broken, Shadow quickly raced down the stairs and out the front door; he vowed right then and there never to return.

The hedgehog walked twelve miles that day, though he didn't remember most of it. He drank the rest of the brandy in the first two miles, took a bar of Xanax at mile three, blacked out and gave a homeless man the remaining bars around mile five, and had smoked his last cigarette by mile ten. By the time he stopped walking, he had reached his destination, literally and metaphorically. Standing in at 1455 feet tall, the Liberty Tower was the tallest building in Empire City. He took a steadying breath; he knew his plan would fail if he was caught inebriated. He strolled inside looking as casually as he could, walking past the receptionist, into the elevator, and, hitting the button labeled 130, sat down on the floor of the machine. It was 1:30am, and the building, though open 24/7, was practically empty. He rode the elevator through all 130 floors without a single interruption, passing out twice. When he reached the top, he sighed. _"Almost there,_ " he thought impatiently.

Stepping onto the level, he walked down a long hallway decorated with paintings and flowers on golden colored walls; in his barely conscious state, he registered the word, _"Beautiful"._ At the end of the hallway was a spiral stairwell that led up, and he carefully took it, one step in front of the other, slowly, then quickly, then slowly again. Upon reaching the top, he pushed open the heavy metal door labeled, "ROOF ACCESS". Walking out into the cold November night with nothing but a light autumn jacket, he shivered. Walking out to the edge of the building, he gazed across the skyline through a chain-link fence. He could see all sorts of buildings, tall and short, lit and unlit; he had only been to Empire City once in his life before moving here four months prior.

Shadow the Hedgehog grew up in a small suburb of Westopolis, and stayed in that metropolitan area his whole life. Now, at 26, he regretted never seeing the world like he had always dreamed. He regretted never finding the perfect person to settle down with. He regretted never knowing his father, and he regretted following in his mothers' footsteps, picking up the bottle at 15 and not setting it down for 11 years straight. In fact, if he was completely honest with himself, he regretted most of the past 11 years all together. If wishes were pennies, Shadow the Hedgehog might very well be the richest creature alive.

Well…

This was it.

No turning back now.

He braced himself, gripping the fence…

Then, he blacked out.

 **Author's Note II:**

My apologies. I know cliffhangers are bad, but I really can't help it. I PROMISE IT ISN'T OVER. I KNOW THIS IS DIRE BUT THERE IS ALWAYS A WAY OUT, JUST LIKE IN REAL LIFE. Please… Feel free to talk to me or someone you know about addiction, whether suffered by you or someone you know. Silence is the biggest killer, and pretending it isn't there is a close second place.


	4. Chapter 4

Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened To Me. Eventually.

MaturePopcorn

 **Description:**

Shadow despises his job and everything about it. Though a hard alcoholic for many years, his drinking has significantly picked up recently. Once fired for drinking on the job, the heavy alcoholism continues, somehow even stronger, ultimately leading to trouble. Through his journey of recovery, he changes his outlook on life and incredible things begin to happen. Drama and angst, this is the most _mature_ fanfiction I've ever written, about the struggles of alcoholism and recovery; it is meant for older viewers.

 **Warning:**

 _ **Stop and read this.**_

If you've made it this far, you've made it past depression, alcoholism, drug abuse, drug overdose and suicide. However, this chapter is the darkest one in the story. I dislike spoiling stories, but I must: the themes are, including but not limited to, **sexual assault and self-harm, in semi-graphic detail.** It is an important part of the narrative, but I encourage you to read at your own caution; if you feel it may be too much, skip to the Author's Note II for a synopsis of the chapter, then skip ahead to chapter five. I don't want to hurt anyone; seriously.

 **Author's Note I:**

The last chapter took a darker turn than even I was expecting, and… I'm sorry? Nah, y'know what, I'm not really sorry. Shit like that really happens; it's important to speak the truth, especially _my_ truth. Though not quite 1455 feet tall, I have found myself drunk on buildings 60 feet tall. Truly.

Talk to people. Friends, family, therapists; we are all here to support you, and we love you. PM me anytime you feel the need, no matter what it is; NOTHING is worth your life.

BTW the characters ages are super non canonical and don't line up with game release dates or each other, if you haven't figured that out already. They're as old as I want them to be for PLOT REASONS OOPS! Real quick, now that it's after a time jump and into November, Shadow is 26, Tails is 22, Sonic is 27, and Knuckles is 37. Anyway, enjoy the story, and READ THE WARNING!

~Hannah~

Chapter 004

Shadow blinked open his eyes slowly, letting the early morning sun hit him fully through the cracked blinds. He sighed as he looked at the alarm clock on his nightstand; he had overslept again.

 _"Looks like I'm late to work again…"_ he thought, characteristically apathetic.

Slowly getting out of bed, slowly getting dressed and slowly eating breakfast, where he drank a somewhat large glass of brandy, Shadow took his time and finally rolled into work a full 2½ hours late, a little drunk.

Then he woke up.

Shadow the Hedgehog was in an unfamiliar room he quickly identified to be another hospital, though this room was different somehow. For one thing, there were bars on the windows, and in the doorframe was a nurse sitting in a chair, propping it open. He looked down and realized he was handcuffed to his bed. He did a quick scan of his body with his free hand, and found no injuries to speak of; this earned a sigh of relief from the black and red hedgehog.

He glanced over at the nurse; unlike the first time in the hospital, this did not cause him any pain. He opened his mouth to speak, and the words came out just fine; "Where am I?"

The nurse, a woman probably in her mid-20's, looked at Shadow and blinked. Responding in a cheerfully playful voice, she said, "Oh, you're awake! I'm your nurse, Ali, and you're in the psych ward of Empire Hospital, 8th floor of 718 4th street, Empire City," she answered, giving the hedgehog more detail than he needed. The woman paused, pursing her lips. "It's been about 12 hours since you fell asleep," she added.

Shadow looked forward again and breathed heavily. "Why am I here?" he asked.

"Well, you've been 51-50'd." She hesitated. "Do you know what a 51-50 is?"

Shadow sighed and closed his eyes, nodding. He knew a 51-50 meant an involuntary 72-hour hold in the hospitals' psychiatric ward for harm to self or others. He vaguely remembered the day before; punching Knuckles, walking a lot, and climbing a spiral staircase… He remembered crying in front of a chain link fence… Then, nothing.

"Do you know how I got here, exactly?" he inquired, pushing for details.

The nurse gave him a genuinely disappointed face. "I'm sorry; I only got here 45 minutes ago. The psychologist will be here in about an hour though, so sit tight."

So Shadow sat. The hour stretched by slowly; with absolutely nothing to do, handcuffed to a bed, the hedgehog reflected on the previous five months or so. From the day of the motorcycle crash to last night, he tried to piece a full story together, and found that he was missing large portions. He only vaguely remembered big things, such as Espios' funeral and the wedding for Sonic and Amy he missed; entire months, like October, were just… Gone. He shuddered. What had happened to him? He had gone from working at a high end company with his own apartment to a suicidal drug addict in less than half a year. He shook his head and tears began to form at the corners of his eyes. The only thought that circulated though his head for a solid five minutes was, "I miss Tails."

Finally, an hour and 45 minutes after the nurse had said an hour, the psychologist walked into Shadows' room. Relieved to finally set things straight, he breathed out heavily and looked at the short, middle-aged blonde woman expectantly. She smiled and said hello, and Shadow did the same only out of courtesy.

"Well, Shadow, I'm sorry to have to meet you under these circumstances. My name is Erin; I believe my colleague Brian gave you a short interview last night but, now that you're more sober and fully present, I'd like to give you a fuller one.

"I'm going to remove your handcuffs; for both of our sakes', don't do anything stupid. Please," she added for good measure. Walking over to the hedgehogs' right side, she produced a key from her coat pocket and unlocked the metal device.

Continuing, she began asking a series of questions. "First, let's start with some formalities. When and where were you born?"

Shadow answered shortly, "November 8th, 1992. Just outside Westopolis."

Erin nodded, following up with more questions, "Are you currently employed? Are you currently married?"

"No and no."

Simple, easy questions continued for a while before finally Shadow was able to partially piece together what had happened, but it wasn't enough; he hated ambiguity and the unknown. He couldn't take it anymore and halted the interview in its tracks, demanding, "Tell me how I ended up here. The whole story. Now."

Erins' smile faltered. "Please don't be rude, I'm just here to help." Pausing to take a breath, she went on, "But yes, I'll tell you how you came to be here.

"First, you were spotted by a security guard on top of Liberty Tower. They asked what you were doing up there so late at night, and you apparently broke down crying. Then you vomited. Twice." Shadow winced, and Erin chuckled, reacting, "You wanted the whole story."

Shadow sighed and nodded, responding, "Yes, I do. Please, continue." He was finally getting somewhere.

"Well, after that, you admitted quite a bit about your life to that guard. They comforted you for about three hours and had to, metaphorically and literally, talk you off a ledge more than a few times." Shadow widened his eyes in surprise but said nothing, allowing Erin to continue. "The police were called around four in the morning, and you were placed under a 51-50 for suicidal ideation. I assume you have an idea of what that means?"

Shadow, quite seriously, answered, "I watch a lot of Cops," causing Erin to burst out laughing. Shadow narrowed his eyes but again said nothing; he needed to know what happened next, so he allowed the woman to mock his response.

When she stopped laughing, she continued, smiling, "Well, let's see, after that, they let you use your phone until you got here, which was a 20 minute drive. Pretty generous, actually, they usually confiscate it right away." She looked at Shadow sadly. "You've been through a lot, haven't you…?"

Shadow ignored this rhetorical question and asked a burning question inside of him, "Do you know if I called anyone, specifically?"

Erin smiled, nodding. "I know exactly who you called. First you called your friend Knuckles, who apparently said he'd bring your stuff by later. Then you called your friend Sonic, who, though I don't know exactly what he said, seemed very concerned and said he'd visit sometime today. Then you called your friend Tails, who-" she started, before being cut off by Shadows' half-gag, half-cough, half-about-to-throw-up-again. He seemed to be vomiting a lot lately.

Erin turned her head in concern and confusion. She inquired, "Is there some background information I'm missing here? You don't have to tell me, but as your psychologist, it would be nice to know as much as I can about your life. All I know right now is that he's a friend, and now even that much is questionable at best."

The hedgehog broke down sobbing immediately. Perhaps the severity of the situation had finally caught up with him, or perhaps the alcohol leaving his body for the first time in months was affecting him poorly. Perhaps it was simply hearing Tails' name and processing it sober for the first time in a long time. Regardless, he missed the fox dearly, and was tired of running from his problems and lying to everyone around him. The bottom of a bottle clearly didn't have the answers he was looking for; maybe this woman did.

He told her everything about Tails. From the day he had met the fox to the present, about how he loved him dearly, had drank because of him, had pushed him away, everything. When he was done, still sniffling, he took a deep breath and said in conclusion, "You said I called him, but you never said what he said. What did he say?"

Erin, now understanding the whole situation clearly and fully, sighed. Looking down at the floor, she answered sadly, "He didn't pick up."

Shadow didn't respond at first, then, he uncharacteristically tried to find a silver lining. "Maybe he didn't pick up because it was four or five in the morning?"

Erin nodded thoughtfully. "That's very true," she said, continuing, "I doubt I'd answer my phone at that time either, unless it was my kid." She sighed. "Anyway, I wanted to ask… What's the source of all the bruises?"

Shadow pulled back the covers and saw he was wearing nothing his underwear and a hospital gown. He growled at this fact before answering softly, "It's not important. My roommate and I don't get along."

Looking a little uncomfortable, the woman nodded awkwardly and scratched her head. Shadow looked out the window through the bars; the view wasn't as nice as his last hospital stay, but he could see a little bit of the ocean, and for some reason it calmed him. He pulled the covers back and swung his legs over the edge of the bed, preparing to stand up.

"Where are you going?" the psychologist politely asked.

"Bathroom," came a short reply, followed by, "After that, I'm hungry."

She smiled. "I can imagine."

The hedgehog stood up slowly and steadied himself, then walked to the bathroom. It didn't have a door; rather, it had a curtain too short to close all the way. Shadow was unaccustomed to such privacy invasions, and felt extremely uncomfortable simply peeing; he doubted he would be able to take a shower here. When he finished, he washed his hands and walked out of his room; he was prepared to explore the hallway on his own, but Erin tapped him on the shoulder.

"Here, I'll show you around, starting with the cafeteria."

After eating and meeting a few other patients, Erin had parted ways, promising to return tomorrow. Shadow then returned to his room. He wanted to take a nap, but had laid down for all of two minutes before a different nurse came in and informed him of a visitor. His heart beat heavily as he wondered who it could possibly be…

"Hey." Knuckles the Echidna stood in the doorframe of his room next to the nurse, leaning against the wall but not looking too cocky anymore; his left eye was swollen and black, though not completely shut, and his nose was noticeably broken. Looking to the side with half closed eyes, he held two duffle bags. "They already searched these, so you're good to have 'em. It's just clothes and a couple books," he said, setting them down just inside the threshold. The nurse left, leaving them alone together.

Shadow stared uneasily at the echidna, unsure of what to say. Knuckles held up his hand and, as if reading the hedgehogs' mind, looked him dead in the eyes and said, "Don't say anything. Look, you've been through a lot, okay? I didn't really take into consideration how fucked up your life had become, and I swear that's not a jab or an insult. From the bottom of my heart, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for Espio, for Tails, for everything." He paused before continuing, looking away, "You'll still have a place to stay when you get out. If you'd even want to, that is."

Shadow blinked in surprise. He hadn't'd expected the echidna to say _anything_ , let alone something so sweet and genuine. Coming from him, it almost sounded fake, but somehow the hedgehog knew it was real. Shadow still didn't know what had gone down between him and Tails, but he ignored it for now. He nodded slowly, not making eye contact, and mumbled, "Thank you. I'll keep that in mind."

Knuckles gave a sort of emotionless half-smile, nodding quickly. "Cool. I'll, uh, see you around."

As he turned to leave, Shadow hesitated before calling after him, "Wait." The muscular echidna turned to face him once more, and Shadow continued hesitantly, raising his eyebrows expectantly, "Visit me tomorrow?"

Knuckles gave another half-smile, this time _with_ emotion. "Sure," he said, breaking out into a full smile. He lovingly said, "You're like the brother I never had; I love you, but sometimes I gotta punch some sense into you." He chuckled, and the sweetness of the sentiment was not lost on Shadow, who teared up a bit. The echidna continued, "Things'll work out; they always do. I dunno why, but I get the feeling something's changed." He finished his thought by fist-bumping him through the air, then turned to leave, this time for good… At least until the next day.

Shadow would never admit it, least of all to Knuckles, but he viewed him like a brother too. Though they fought horribly over the last few months, the hedgehog truly admired his dedication to family, his work ethic, and his ability to limit his drinking. He looked forward to the next day, and was grateful for the books; there was, quite literally, nothing else to do.

About a half hour later, Sonic and Amy came into the hospital to visit. Shadow grimaced with embarrassment when he first saw them; the last time they had spoken had been Espios' funeral, and he had been drunk. However, it became apparent that they weren't angry; Sonics' promise of never forgetting Shadows' absence from their wedding seemed to be an empty one, and Amy was simply happy to see the hedgehog alive and sober. They talked for over an hour, catching up on life, and Shadow felt happy for the first time in a while. He had isolated for so long, drinking alone, that he had genuinely forgotten what it felt like to connect with other people, save for a fist.

Finally, however, the conversation came to the topic of a certain orange fox. Shadow casually asked how Tails was doing, and silence fell across his newly rekindled friends.

Amy broke the silence first, saying, "We haven't heard much from him in the last few weeks and we're a little worried about him. He's never isolated like this before…"

Sonic looked down the hall, his gaze focusing on nothingness. He added to this, "I went over to his apartment several times, but he never answered the door. We know he's at least okay though; he answered his phone this morning. I filled him in on your situation… I hope you're okay with that."

Shadow shrugged apathetically. "I guess it's important that he knows, though I highly doubt he even thinks about me in passing anymore," he sighed dramatically. This wasn't for attention or affect; the black and red hedgehog genuinely believed this sentiment to be true.

Amy shook her head, retorting, "Don't say that! Tails cares a lot about you, just like he cares about all of his friends."

Shadow snorted bitterly, shooting back, "He hasn't cared about me since the day Espio died."

Amy fell silent at this, and Sonic took over. "Espios' death wasn't your fault; you have to know that's true." He took a deep breath; in a rare moment of sadness, Sonic looked on the verge of crying, and Shadow almost regretted his statement. Going on, Sonic then said, "He _does_ care about you, actually. He said so this morning."

Shadow perked up at this. The mood in the room lightened, and the black and red hedgehog breathed a sigh of relief.

The blue hedgehog went on, "He wants to come and visit you. He said he'd like to talk about…" He glanced at Amy knowingly. "Stuff," he finished, before adding, "Look, Shadow, if you agree, I'll have to warn you; what Tails wants to tell you isn't lighthearted. It's stuff very few people know about, and despite everything you've done, he's willing to trust you again. I think it's because, though you lied to _him_ and went behind his back, you were willing to keep his secret about me from other people. That speaks volumes about not only the kind of person you are, but the disease you have."

Shadow balked and, ignoring the comment about a "disease", stuttered his response, "Y-you… You know about that?"

Sonic nodded somberly. "He told me and Amy on our wedding night. It was hard for him, and he didn't want to crash our big day, but he had to get it off his chest; we were supportive, of course, and we've stuck by his side ever since. But I'm proud of you for keeping it secret as well."

Shadow sighed. "As long as secrets are being shared," he began, "I may as well tell you a pretty big one." The black and red hedgehog was, as previously mentioned, sick and tired of running from his problems and was ready to face them head-on. As hard as it was for him, he was willing to give it a shot.

Shadow the Hedgehog often held his friends at arms-length, as a coping mechanism. It protected him from getting hurt; if the people he loved saw how messed up his life was, they would leave, or so his thinking went. It was more than extremely hard to admit defeat and share his dark secrets with those close to him. For some odd reason, he even felt gross when showing affection of any kind. He had built a persona of anger and apathy for so long, and it would be hard to knock those walls down, but he was willing to try.

Shadow took a steadying breath. He looked his friends in the eyes, back and forth between Amy and Sonic, and realized he had nothing to fear. The two loved him dearly despite all his faults and self-perceived faults. Finally ready to speak from the heart, on his own terms, sober and conscious, he took the first step towards total honestly.

"I'm gay, and I've loved Tails for years. It's a lot of why I drank, and why I took Valium and Xanax."

Sonic nodded slowly and Amy blinked twice. They hadn't'd even known about the pain medication. Though it took a minute for the two of them to process, they did so affectionately and kindly and immediately showered Shadow with love, care, and understanding.

Amy spoke first again, saying, "Shadow, I love you, and I'm so proud of you. I don't know if you know this or not, but I'm bisexual. This is all more common than you think." She smiled sweetly, continuing, "I'm sorry it took all this bullshit for you to be able to admit that to us, but I'm glad you finally were able to get it off your chest. I will always be here for you; so will Sonic."

Sonic nodded in agreement. He chuckled and made an attempt at humor to lighten the mood, adding, "Looks like I'm the only straight hedgehog left." Shadow smirked, and Sonic viewed that as a success.

Another few minutes passed, and the newly married couple stood up and began walking down the hall. Waving goodbye to his friends, Shadow felt something he had never thought he'd feel again: hope. He walked back to his room in better spirits than he'd felt in years. He truly believed that things could get better, even if it took some time.

Then Tails walked in.

His heart fluttered and sank, and he felt as though this feeling had a sense of familiarity. Beginning to hyperventilate, Ali looked from him to the fox and shook her head, saying, "If he gives you anxiety this bad, he'll have to go."

Shadow forced himself to breath slower. His stomach hurt, and he felt a little nauseous, but he held his tongue and said nothing to the nurse at first. Then, gathering himself and his thoughts, said to her, "I'm okay. I promise."

The two-tailed fox walked in tentatively with his head down. Glancing up with only his eyes, he simply said, "Hello, Shadow." Walking over to the hedgehogs' bed and sitting at the edge, he went on, "How have you been? It's been a while."

Tails wore a long sleeved grey shirt with a short flannel jacket over it, accompanied by blue jeans and red Converse. His two tails swirled freely in circles, and his left ear had a sort-of twitch that seemed to not go away. Shadow had never found the fox cuter in his life, especially compared to his hospital gown and exhausted demeanor, and he stuttered out a short, "F-fine, you?" Ali picked up on this interaction and giggled, leaving the room.

Tails looked a little disappointed. "I doubt you've really been fine, now have you?" Without waiting for a response, he continued, "I came to apologize for kicking you out. I should have helped you through your struggles; I took your love for granted, and I'm sorry."

Shadow shook his head in utter disbelief. "How can you possibly come in here and say _you're_ sorry to _me?_ This conversation should be the other way around."

Tails blinked. He bluntly shot back, "Okay, then. I'm all ears."

Shadow took a breath. He was gathering his thoughts, as he had done so many times before; this time, however, was important. He had to get this exactly right. He started slow, then picked up steam as he started, "I'm sorry. For so much more than I could ever say. It's not my nature to admit my wrongdoings or my faults, and I've always held you at arms-length even at the best of times, but now I fully admit that I fucked up majorly. I took your trust and your love for granted as well, possibly more so than you did, and I can only hope there's a future for our friendship." Shadow began to cry freely, something he hadn't'd done sober in a long time, save earlier with the nurse. He went on, "I shouldn't have told you I loved you, not the way and time I did. It was a huge burden to put on you. I never should have gotten drunk while living under your roof; I failed to realize how important sobriety was to you." The words came tumbling out of his mouth freely, without a filter to stop them. Along with his tears, Tails had also begun crying. Shadow finished, in a barely audible whisper, "I never should have let Espio drink, and I never should have passed out in that park. Please, for the love of all I believe in, forgive me."

Tails stared at Shadow wide-eyed, sniffling. He had never heard the black and red hedgehog talk like this sober, and he was both grateful and impressed. More-so, however, he was hopeful; the fox sincerely hoped he was witnessing Shadow turn over a new leaf. He moaned happily, "Oh, Shadow," before sneezing abruptly and gasping. This turned into an unexpected laugh. After a few awkward seconds, Shadow joined in, and the two friends laughed for a couple minutes straight. They felt, in that moment, as though the past five months had never happened; their friendship rekindled in a matter of seconds. All it took was a single apology.

When they finally calmed down, they looked at each other long and hard. Tails softened his eyes and leaned his head into Shadows' chest, breathing, "I love you," before closing his eyes and beginning to pray. The hedgehog closed his eyes as well; though he knew the fox only meant so platonically and fraternally, he couldn't help but feel happy. For the first time since his confession, Shadow was willing to settle for what he had. When Tails finally removed his head from the hedgehogs' chest, he was ready for what he had to do next.

"Shadow…"

The foxes' friend nodded in understanding. "Sonic told me you wanted to talk," he said softly, adding, "though he didn't say about what. I got the feeling it was important." He cleared his throat. "Before that, though, and I'm sorry if this is insensitive or hurtful, but I have two questions."

Tails averted his gaze, then steeled his courage and looked Shadow in the eyes again. He responded, "Yes, I do want to talk. I'm glad our make-up went as well as it did; I was debating whether or not do tell you any of this, but after today, I trust you with my life. Fully," he added firmly, eyes watering again. "Yes, ask me your questions, then I'll start."

Shadow warily looked at his newly re-made friend. He decided to rip the Band-Aid off quickly, bluntly asking, "Are you gay?"

Tails sighed. He had half expected this, and the truth was, he didn't know his own sexuality yet. He looked at his friend and answered truthfully, "I don't know. I might be bisexual, but I just don't know yet." He sighed again. "I'm sorry."

Shadow shook his head. "That's not why I asked," he said, referring to the elephant in the room. "If you love me as a brother, that's enough for me right now. We'll see what happens, and if _nothing_ happens, I'm okay with that too."

Tails smiled softly. _"You've grown as a person,"_ he thought to himself about the hedgehog.

Shadow, now a little more confident, boldly asked, "What happened between you and Knuckles?"

The fox hadn't'd been expecting that one; however, it was one of the things he wanted to talk about anyway, so he wasn't too upset. Shadows' curiosity was only natural.

Drawing in a shaky breath, Tails began, "Let me give you some context first. This isn't easy for me in the slightest, so bear with me.

"Remember the lawsuit I had against Walmart that afforded me two cars and a near-penthouse suite? That wasn't just verbal harassment and time mismanagement; if it had been, I'd have made a fraction of what I did. The bulk of the money came from a second, more private sexual harassment lawsuit that settled out of court," he said, beginning to sob heavily. "It wasn't just harassment; I could've handled that decently, but…" He could barely get the words out past this point, but Shadow made out, "They… touched…"

Shadow shook his head, face neutral. "Relax, you're okay here. You're with me," he whispered encouragingly. He gently held Tails' left shoulder, and the fox sobbed uncontrollably. Shadow held together a fairly well put together façade of calm. On the inside burned a rage like nothing he had _ever_ felt before. Something, _everything_ inside of him wanted to burn every Walmart to the ground, and even that wouldn't be enough. He wanted revenge. He wanted blood. He wanted to extract a pain infinity times worse than what they had put Tails through.

But he couldn't. It wasn't in Tails' nature to let him.

Tails cried for twenty minutes. He was able to get out a few words in this time, and Shadow grasped the fact that the only people who knew this were Sonic and Amy, and now himself. Furthermore, the person that did the aforementioned act was currently in prison for the next four years for an unrelated crime. This had helped relieve some of Tails' anxieties, but none of Shadows' fury.

Tails finally calmed himself enough to continue talking, though he had not stopped crying. Shadow kept his front of composure for the foxes' sake; he didn't want to upset the fragile being; fragile, that is, being an understatement. Tails continued down a new, darker path of dialogue. "There's something I'd like to tell you that not even Sonic knows about. The…" He choked as he said the next two words, "sexual assault destroyed him. This would crush him; he loves me like a younger brother, and wouldn't want to see me go through _self-inflicted_ pain especially."

Shadow nodded. "I understand, Tails. Whatever it is, I won't tell a soul."

Tails didn't say another word. Instead, he slowly removed his flannel jacket, tossing it to the ground. Then, gripping his sleeve at the base, he smiled weakly. "I'm surprised you've never commented on it. I wear long-sleeved shirts, sometimes multiple layers, even in the summer with all my fur." Shadow held his breath and closed his eyes, knowing what was coming next. When he opened them, the foxes' left arm sleeve was rolled up past his elbow, revealing fresh, red lines both horizontal and vertical. They looked no more than a day old at most, and Shadow stared blank faced for a couple seconds. Then, in a delayed reaction, he drew a shaky breath, looked Tails in his watery eyes, and hugged him tightly.

If you had told the black and red hedgehog six months ago that he would be holding Tails tightly in his arms, comforting him through his darkest hours from a hospital bed, he'd have laughed and taken another swig of brandy. Now, the past few years were finally beginning to make sense to Shadow. The unexplained timid nature that cropped up out of nowhere, the mood shifts, the on-and-off isolation, all of it. It wasn't just the alcoholism, it was _this_. The foxes' most carefully guarded secrets, finally revealed to, of all people, Shadow the Hedgehog.

He whispered softly in the foxes' ear, "Why?"

The response he got back chilled his spine. "Knuckles," came the whisper.

Uncoupling, he gently held Tails' shoulders in his hands and softly asked, "What do you mean, exactly?" The answer he had been searching for months for was about to reveal itself; Shadow knew he would not feel satisfied. He felt as though he could have gone his whole life without knowing these secrets, but was there to support his friend as well as his first and only love nonetheless.

Shadow searched the young foxes' eyes, finding only fear and a self-sense of failure. Once again, Tails began to sob uncontrollably, though worse this time. In a barely audible whisper, Shadow made out exactly one shaky but coherent sentence before losing the fox to a catastrophic wailing.

"He raped me."

 **Author's Note II:**

I'm sorry.

Chapter five up soon.

 _ **Synopsis of chapter four:**_

Shadow the Hedgehog wakes up in the psych ward of a hospital with no new physical injuries but is disoriented and confused, unable to remember the night before. His psychologist fills him in on a failed suicide attempt; he is then visited by several of his friends, who comfort him, and he begins to turn over a new leaf; he even considers what sobriety may look like for himself. Tails comes to visit, however, and drops multiple bombshells, including his recent self-harm and a past of sexual assault, the perpetrator of which is Knuckles, who Shadow had finally begun to respect.


	5. Chapter 5

Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened To Me. Eventually.

MaturePopcorn

 **Description:**

Shadow despises his job and everything about it. Though a hard alcoholic for many years, his drinking has significantly picked up recently. Once fired for drinking on the job, the heavy alcoholism continues, somehow even stronger, ultimately leading to trouble. Through his journey of recovery, he changes his outlook on life and incredible things begin to happen. Drama and angst, this is the most _mature_ fanfiction I've ever written, about the struggles of alcoholism and recovery; it is meant for older viewers.

 **Warning:**

I'm so sorry for the last chapter; it's a little better this time around, though our foxy friend does relapse pretty hard…

 **Author's Note I:**

I'm sorry; did I say Knuckles was eventually redeemable? I lied.

People like him deserve to burn in Hell, end of story.

~Hannah~

Chapter 005

Five days had passed since Shadows' admittance to the hospital, and he was just minutes away from being released. As a first-timer to psych wards, his stay had been relatively short and easy compared to most, and he had lied extensively to achieve his fewer days spent. The main question they asked Shadow was always, "Are you a threat to yourself or others?" and the hedgehog had always answered back, "No," through gritted teeth and narrowed eyes. The truth was, he was a threat to others; one particular other, actually. He had a plan, or at least the start to one, and he was fully committed to kill.

Knuckles had attempted to visit the day after Tails'… Well, bombshell wasn't exactly the right word. After Tails' _nuclear blast,_ Shadow had informed the nurse that the red echidna was to be nowhere near him or the hospital. When prompted for a reason, the hedgehog gave none. He didn't need to give them anything.

Tails walked through the double doors of the unit, and as his eyes fell across his friend, Shadows' heart lit up. Upon seeing the black and red hedgehog at the other end, the orange fox ran smiling, tails spinning wildly. Propelling him through the air, his tails then thrust him into Shadows' arms, and the two embraced tightly; ever since their make-up, Tails' had seen Shadow every day and the two had grown closer than ever. The fox had even talked the hedgehog into outpatient treatment after failing to convince him to go to a rehab.

Smiling genuinely, the shorter fox looked up at the taller hedgehog from within their embrace, his chin on Shadows' chest. "You ready?" he asked sweetly. Shadow grinned in response, and Tails answered back, "Yay!"

Nobody could see it, not even Tails, but behind his eyes there was a slender twinkle of pure, unbridled rage. He had decided days ago that he was going to protect the creature in his arms at all costs, whether they were together or not. Uncoupling at last, Tails reached into his bag and fumbled around, searching for something. Yesterday, Shadow had teased that it looked like a purse; this backfired, however, as Tails now wore it prouder than ever.

Finally finding what he was searching for, he produced a small chocolate bar and unwrapped it, taking a bite.

Shadow scoffed, "Isn't chocolate poisonous for you?" eluding to the canine qualities his furry friend possessed.

Tails shook his head, answering around bites, "I just made this in my lab last night; it's totally safe for me."

A nurse came around the corner carrying both of Shadows' bags. The hedgehog had only met him once, briefly, and had forgotten his name. Handing the bags off to both of them and nodding in acknowledgement, he asked politely, "Shall I walk you to the elevators?"

Tails waved his free hand dismissively, answering, "I know where they are, thanks," before turning and walking away, not bothering to see if Shadow was following. Shadow smiled. The fox was becoming a little more self-confident and courageous, and he was happy for his friend. Shadow trailed behind a bit, allowing the fox to lead the way.

They boarded the elevators, rode them down and, reaching the first floor, snaked through the winding maze of a lobby. Upon reaching the outside, Shadow breathed in heavily, exaggerating. "Ah, fresh air. I missed thee."

Tails giggled and nudged him, pointing in the direction of his car. They walked happily, though Shadow couldn't help but feel a nagging sense of anger in the back of his mind, and reached the car a minute later. Climbing in, the hedgehog couldn't contain his thoughts much longer; they felt as though they were about to burst and explode messily.

The black and red hedgehog stopped laughing and grew serious, as he usually had been for years. Tails picked up on this right away and asked, to the point, "What's up?"

"I'm furious."

Tails sighed. "I know, Shadow. You've told me at least a hundred times a day for a week."

"No, Tails. I'm _furious._ I'm going to do something about this."

"Shadow," began the fox, "promise me you will, under no circumstances, go after Knuckles if you see him."

The hedgehog snarled, "Excuse me?" harshly, and Tails whimpered. Toning his voice back a bit, Shadow breathed, "Why?"

Tails glanced away awkwardly as if embarrassed. "It's my 9th step… Ah, AA stuff. You wouldn't understand."

Shadow closed his eyes. Inside swirled an ocean of fury wanting desperately to extract revenge on the wretched echidna; yet he held his tongue. Sighing in defeat, he told his friend, "I don't fully understand, but if that's really what you want… For whatever reason…" He hesitated, then finished with, "Alright, I promise."

"Thank you," came a hardly audible whisper from the fox.

Now it was the hedgehogs' turn to speak. "Tails…" Shadow began softly.

"Yes?" came an ever softer reply.

The hedgehog took a readying breath and asked his question. "Why do you cut yourself?" When he received silence, he added, "It hurts me just as much as you thought it would hurt Sonic, if not more."

Tails began to cry again, and Shadow sighed, though not of impatience. He knew the fox was prone to crying easily, and recently he had become much more receptive and patient to this, comforting his friend and allowing him to share his emotions freely. He did, after all, love the fox in multiple ways and wanted to support him anyway he could. He allowed Tails to cry it out and gather his thoughts.

After a few minutes, he did so. Sniffling, he responded, "I don't know. Not really. It just… Feels good. Whenever I'm stressed or in pain, or especially when I accidentally think about… that day," he choked, continuing, "the razor takes the pain away. It sounds stupid, but it's like I'm swapping emotional damage for physical damage."

Shadow nodded acknowledging, gently returning back, "It doesn't sound stupid at all. It sounds like a coping skill, like drinking." He sighed, rubbing his temples. "One of the books I read in the hospital was all about that kind of stuff, and I hate it because it's true." He gently placed his hand on Tails' shoulder and rubbed back and forth, adding, "It's okay. Come to me the next time you feel that way, and I'll help you through it."

Tails nodded. "Okay," he said, then he finally started the car and drove off.

A few days went by in relative peace, and the two friends got along better than they had in years. Shadow felt great now that he'd been sober more than a few days in a row, and Tails felt better as well. The hedgehog did feel rather nervous, however; his first day of outpatient was just three days away.

The duo had fallen into a sort of routine; going for walks, taking turns cooking meals, and watching TV. Tails had enough money in the bank to support both friends, though Shadow continued to look for a job; he refused to mooch off the foxes' kindness for too long. Furthermore, they had gotten a second bed and moved it into Tails' room; they were now more like college roommates. The hedgehog greatly preferred this to sleeping on the couch, though he did complain about Tails' snoring quite often. All in all, things were going well.

One day, Shadow opened the cabinets to begin cooking. Finding it rather barren, he yelled into the single bedroom to his fox friend, "Tails, we need to go shopping."

The orange creature was in the kitchen in a flash, shirtless, with his pants unbuttoned; apparently, he had been changing. Shadow blushed lightly and turned so as to hide it, then smiled, hiding that as well. He couldn't contain his happiness very easily; Tails trusted him enough to be that exposed, and in the least creepy way possible, he felt honored.

Tails bounced up and down excitedly. "Oh, we haven't gone shopping together!" He rushed back to the bedroom and finished getting ready hastily, throwing on whatever he found, including one of Shadows' hoodies. If it had been anyone else, Shadow would have snarled in anger, but with Tails, he thought it cute.

They drove cheerfully and pulled up to the parking lot. While walking towards the store, Tails skipped ahead and twirled his tails in circles. Swinging his keychain like a toy, he dropped his keys, picked them up, dropped them again, picked them up again, then dropped them again. Shadow picked them up and smirked, earning a frown of fake sadness from the fox.

 _"He may be cute, but God he's hyper,"_ Shadow thought, chuckling to himself.

As they walked into the grocery store, cheerfully chattering about more nonsense, Shadow got a sinking feeling in his chest; he was growing tired of these premonitions, mainly because they were always right. The hedgehog quickly scanned the isles for danger and, finding none, glanced at Tails for further clues.

The young fox was frozen dead in his tracks. Unable to even move, with a perpetual look of shock and disbelief plastered on his face, a single tear rolled down his face. He whispered, "No," before finding his feet and turning around, running full speed back out of the store. Shadow panicked for a moment, then calmed himself; he had the car keys, thank the universe, and Tails had his phone. He turned back around, facing the store, and caught a glimpse of red flashing between isles eight and nine. He knew. He didn't know how; he just instinctively knew.

Using his shoes to skate full speed down the store, he headed to isle seven, which was empty. He reached the end, turned right, and looked down isle eight. At the far end, Knuckles stood with a basket around his arm, an unknown girl next to him, looking smug. His eye had healed but his nose was, as far as Shadow could tell, permanently crooked.

The hedgehog lost control. Without thinking, he burst running at max speed, past two women and a child. Knuckles turned at the last second, but it was too late; Shadow barreled into him full speed, rage and passion in his eyes, knocking him into the girl, who toppled over a few feet away; this sent him onto the ground, flat on his stomach. Ignoring the gasps from the other customers around him, Shadow grabbed the echidnas' dreadlocks and yanked his head back into the air, cracking a bone in his neck, but not coming even close to breaking it.

"You got something to say, _punk_?"

"S-Shadow?" came a bewildered reply.

With that, the hedgehog slammed the echidnas' face into the linoleum full force, earning a scream from the girl. A pool of blood formed around Knuckles' face, and Shadow lifted him by his dreadlocks once again, revealing his nose to be crooked the opposite direction; the hedgehog had broken it again.

"YOU GOT SOMETHING TO SAY TO ME?" Shadow repeated louder.

Dazed and confused, Knuckles said nothing. Jumping to his feet, Shadow pulled Knuckles to a standing position by his dreads and slammed the muscular body into the shelves of canned food, knocking many of them off the wall. Grabbing Knuckles' right arm, he twisted it behind the echidnas' back and, without hesitating, broke it cleanly.

A yell of distress and pain could be heard throughout the store; it was now deadly quiet, save for a single baby crying on isle two. The girl, who Shadow assumed to be the echidnas' girlfriend, finally got to her feet and, screaming incoherently, began battering Shadow. Tears streaming down her face, she spoke angrily and incoherently, but Shadow understood one word.

"Why?!" she shouted, several times, directly in his face.

The hedgehog released the echidna, letting him slump loosely to the floor, and turned to face the girl. Now scared, she stopped screaming and backed away slowly, bumping her back into the adjoining isle.

Shadow had almost no emotion in his eyes anymore. He breathed, "What's your name?"

Hesitantly, and maybe out of fear, she answered, "M-Miranda," before reaching for her purse as if to grab something. Knuckles groaned on the floor, and Shadow stepped on his back with one foot as if to silence him.

Breathing deeply through his nose, Shadow tilted his head back and said quietly, "Stay away from him if you value your life and your sanity; stay away from this _rapist_." From under his foot, he felt Knuckles tense, and a look of confusion crossed Miranda's face. It quickly turned to one of unbridled fear and she turned, running for the stores' entrance.

Glancing back at the two women and children, who were frozen in shock at the other end of the isle, he blinked once in understanding. Then, looking down at the echidna, he spat directly into his hair. Shadow then leaned down, putting his mouth but inches from Knuckles' ear, and said, "If you know what's good for you, you won't tell a soul of this encounter, especially not the police. You'll never so much as _think_ about Tails again, and you'll _never_ step foot inside Westopolis as long as you live." He stepped over the groaning mass on his way towards the store entrance; he paused then, and kicked the echidnas' stomach with the pointed heel of his shoe.

Exiting the store, he set out to find Tails. He wanted desperately to do more, but couldn't risk permanently injuring the echidna further; he hated the thought of leaving Tails to go to jail, even for a week, and he prayed to the universe Knuckles had enough of a conscious for what he had done to not press charges with the police. The hedgehog doubted the rapist knew where his fox friend even lived, but he didn't want to take any risks.

He pulled out his phone and called the orange fox immediately. After the third ring, a shaky voice picked up, answering, "Yeah, Shadow?"

Shadow sighed, not sure how to break the news. He had deliberately disobeyed Tails' one and only request, and hated the idea of upsetting his friend, especially in such a fragile state. He opened his mouth to speak, but Tails seemed to understand and beat him to it, saying, "I hope you beat the shit outta him."

Shadow blanked. He had _not_ been expecting that, not at all. He chuckled nervously and answered back, "Uh, yeah, I kinda did… I broke his arm and re-broke his nose, and I told him to never come back to Westopolis." He hesitated before generously adding, "I don't think he will, nor will he press charges. He's all bark and no bite; his muscles are just for show."

Tails snorted. "Not always, apparently."

Shadow suddenly felt extremely anxious; Tails would never talk about his assault like that. He kept his voice as calm and steady as he could, pretending not to notice. "Yeah, I guess. Anyway, where are you?" he said, painfully.

His tactic worked though, and a sniffy reply came through, "Behind the 7-11."

"Cool, I'll come find you," Shadow offered.

"Can you pick me something up first? From the store?" Tails asked. Now he was beyond concerned. He knew immediately what the fox had done from his own behavior as an alcoholic; Tails had relapsed.

Stalling for time, he raced as fast as he could to the 7-11, responding, "Sure, what do you want?" By the time the fox had answered, Shadow was there. He caught his friend mid-swig in a bottle of vodka.

Tails choked and, spitting a little out, gasped, "What the fuck, you lied to me?"

Shadow snorted. " _I_ lied to _you_?" the hedgehog questioned accusatorily. He shook his head; that kind of talk wasn't going to help anyone. He weighed his options, then said, "Wait here."

Not more than five minutes passed before Shadow returned with another bottle of vodka and a 12-pack of Pacifico. He helped Tails to his feet and guided the fox to their car; Tails was obviously drunk (the bottle of vodka had been emptied since Shadows' return), so the hedgehog drove, despite not having a license. They made it back to their apartment safely, though about halfway through the car ride, the fox had broken down crying.

Between hic-cups caused by both sobbing and booze, Tails managed to get out, "Two years clean, down the drain…! What have I done? What did Knuckles do to me?" He wept violently, shaking, and it was an effort for Shadow to get both him and the alcohol into their apartment. Shadow _really_ wished he had done more to the echidna; he got the feeling that was the last time he'd ever see the red creature.

Flopping onto the couch, Shadow apathetically popped open the other bottle of vodka and chugged some, handing an open beer to Tails. They drank in silence for a straight hour until every drop was gone; they had split everything evenly.

Tails had stopped crying by now, and he looked at Shadow. "Is this how you liv'd the last elev'n years of your life?" he slurred heavily. The hedgehog nodded slowly, eyes glazed slightly. Tails whistled, continuing, "I see the appeal. When I think about Knuckles now, it barely even hurts."

Shadow, all inhabitations gone, bluntly asked, "Didn't you drink _because_ of your assault?" He realized their relationship had gone from rocky friends to blunt, truthful best friends in a matter of days; he wondered if Tails talked this way with Sonic.

Tails softly shook his head, responding, "That only happen'd a year before I stopped."

Shadow nodded, gaining the new information, and his eyes listed. He grew incredibly tired all of a sudden. He lay down on the couch and closed his eyes, deciding he'd only rest a moment, when Tails suddenly stood up and headed into the bathroom. The last thing Shadow remembered was the sound of the door locking.

When Shadow awoke, Tails was asleep on the couch as well, his head on the hedgehogs' chest again. The clock below the flat screen TV read 5:42am, so he closed his eyes, deciding to allow them both to sleep more.

This lasted two short but blissful minutes in which Shadow could feel Tails' rhythmic breathing against his chest as he watched the foxes' lips part and then close again in time to his breaths.

Suddenly, the hedgehog got a horrible stomach pain, and his eyes widened in panic. He was going to throw up. Gently but quickly moving the sleeping fox to the side, he got up and stumbled to the bathroom; halfway there, his vision gave out to fuzzy white spots, and he relied on muscle memory instead. Making it to the toilet with seconds to spare, he hurled violently, hitting the rim. Blinking his eyes shut as tight as he could, he opened them slowly and his vision began to return. He sighed in relief; he felt better.

Looking down, Shadow noticed dried brown spots on his pants, and his heart sank. _"No… Please, not again…"_ he thought sadly, exiting the bathroom and returning to the living room. Tails was upright, rubbing his eyes sleepily.

"Morning, Shadow…" he said, pausing. His voice quivering, he continued, "I'm so sorry for last night. I shouldn't have drank, and I dragged you down with me. I promise it won't happen again."

Shadow looked the hedgehog dead in the eyes but said nothing. The fox stared back expectantly, confused when he got more silence in return. Then, as the sun began to rise sleepily behind the city skyline, something shiny caught his eye. He looked to Shadows' hand and saw his razor, and his heart sank to his feet.

Drooping his head in shame, he started to say, "I'm sorry… You were already falling asleep and the urge was so strong, I just-"

"The next time I catch you cutting, I'll cut up my own arm just as bad," Shadow cut off the fox, his voice sharp and piercing. Tails gasped softly and, eyes watering, whispered, "No," before standing and walking tentatively over to the hedgehog. Not budging an inch, Shadow stood stoically; he meant his threat. He refused to see this beautiful creature be hurt any more. With Knuckles hopefully out of the way, the hedgehog felt his wish might actually come true.

"Come here," he whispered back, extending his arms. Tails obliged, falling into Shadows' outstretched reach and, sinking his head into the taller hedgehogs' chest, he sighed deeply. Breathing in the scent of Shadows' clothing, a mixture of cigarette smoke and something unique, Tails felt comforted; something he rarely felt anymore. He genuinely trusted this hedgehog with his life, something unheard of just a few short weeks prior, and he felt truly grateful to know him.

Squeezing tightly, Shadow sighed back. He didn't understand how Tails felt about him fully; he doubted even the fox himself knew. He didn't care, not really. As long as he could hold him in an embrace for as long as possible, that would be enough.

Glancing at the clock, the hedgehog noticed that most stores were beginning to open up around this time. He looked down at Tails' head and, resting his chin on Shadows' chest, Tails looked back up. They stared at each other for a few moments before Shadow broke the silence, saying, "Should we give shopping another try?"

Tails sighed sadly. The hedgehog wasn't expecting this, and he practically held his breath as the fox responded, "Yeah, under one condition."

Shakily, he responded, "What's that?"

"We're going to an AA meeting first."

 **Author's Note II:**

Y'all thought I'd never actually get to the AA shit, did ya? Well you're wrong; chapter six describes what a typical meeting is like as well as a typical day at outpatient; you'll see Shadow back to his angry, cynical self without Tails by his side, and will grapple with whether he is an alcoholic or not.


	6. Chapter 6

Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened To Me. Eventually.

MaturePopcorn

 **Description:**

Shadow despises his job and everything about it. Though a hard alcoholic for many years, his drinking has significantly picked up recently. Once fired for drinking on the job, the heavy alcoholism continues, somehow even stronger, ultimately leading to trouble. Through his journey of recovery, he changes his outlook on life and incredible things begin to happen. Drama and angst, this is the most _mature_ fanfiction I've ever written, about the struggles of alcoholism and recovery; it is meant for older viewers.

 **Warning:**

 _ **Graphic**_ car crash and death scene.

 **Author's Note I:**

I'm sleepy, so I dunno what to say. Not really. Enjoy the story!

~Hannah~

Chapter 006

Shadow held his breath longer. "You want to go… To an AA meeting." Shadow finally breathed out slowly. Looking the fox deep in the eyes, he added, "At six in the morning." Tails nodded in response. "So just so we're clear," Shadow began, but the fox cut him off.

"Knock it off, Shadow. I'm going; you can do whatever you want. The meeting starts at eight, so if you're not in the car by seven-thirty, I'm leaving you," he declared confidently. He was taking a gamble by allowing Shadow to choose, but attempting to force the hedgehog to a meeting had failed horribly before; this alternative method was worth a shot.

Shadow took a deep breath, exhaling loudly. He hesitated and, uncoupling from the fox, groaned, "Fine. I'll go to _one_ meeting if it will make you happy." Tails smiled triumphantly, and the hedgehog continued, "But I'm only promising one meeting. If I hate it, I'm not going back, and I'm probably gonna hate it."

"Well yeah, with that attitude you will," the fox shot back, shaking his head. He headed to the single bedroom to change into fresh clothes, leaving Shadow to fix breakfast. With not much left in the pantry and no eggs in the fridge, he made himself a bowl of cereal with the last of the milk and sat on the couch.

Tails walked to the kitchen, now dressed for the day, and looked around idly, screwing his face in contemplation. Finding nothing appetizing, he sat on the couch next to his hedgehog friend and loudly proclaimed, "My stomach hurts," before shooting a look of mixed sadness and understanding at Shadow and adding, "Why'd you buy more booze after you caught me drinking?"

Shadow shrugged and swallowed his bite. "I didn't want you to drink alone," he said plainly.

The fox sighed. He had figured this was the case but was still a little disappointed, and told the hedgehog, "I'm glad you care about me, but please don't let me drink, and please don't drink around me."

Shadow snorted, "You-" before cutting himself off. This type of back-and-forth arguing they used to do wasn't helping anyone, especially not Tails. He slowly restarted, "You're right. I'm sorry." Taking his last bite, he stood and returned to the kitchen, leaving the dishes in the sink for later. He went to the shared bedroom and closed the door, changing out of yesterdays' clothes and into comfortable yet presentable slacks. Pulling on a black tee-shirt, he grabbed his phone and gripped the doorknob, hesitating.

Tails had given him a choice; did he really want to go? _"No, of course not,"_ came a small voice in the back of his head. Allowing the voice to continue, it said, _"AA is not for people like us. Sure, the last few months were pretty bad, but as long as you reign in the drinking a little, you'll be fine."_ He contemplated this. Could he drink? He enjoyed having a few beers with dinner, or a glass of wine with a date; couldn't he just stop there? His eyes lit up for a moment as he considered the idea of drinking in moderation.

Reality hit him like a train. A louder, more prominent voice came from his head, _"Remember all the times you had a couple beers with dinner and finished the night in a strangers' bed, blacked out? And you don't even_ like _girls,"_ it sneered, crueler than the first voice. It went on, _"Admit it. You can't drink a little because a little turns into a lot and a lot turns into blacking out. Every night for almost twelve years."_

Shadow released the doorknob, shooting back at his own consciousness, _"I can do whatever I want. I'm the ultimate life form; if I want things to be different this time, they will be."_

About to exit the room and tell Tails he wasn't going, a third voice chimed in with the single thought, _"Remember Casino City?"_

The hedgehog physically shuddered and shut his eyes, attempting to block out all three of his brains' opinions. He had been to Casino City once, and a two day weekend trip had turned into a two week nightmare. Feeling the memories begin to resurface, he quickly repressed them again as hard as he could and opened the door, making up his mind. Tails turned and tilted his head, concerned. "Are you alright, Shadow? You look ill."

Shadow opened his eyes. "We're leaving. Now."

They arrived at the church a full hour early. Tails looked over at Shadow as he put the car in park, eyes still showing a glimmer of worry. The hedgehog had endured the 25 minute drive in silence, trying and failing not to think of that _place_ again. He opened the door and shakily took a few steps outside before backtracking and leaned against the car instead, lighting a cigarette.

Tails poked his head out of his open door, shivering. "Shadow, I'm going to wait in the car until they open the doors, it's too cold."

The hedgehog nodded but said nothing, and the fox got back in the car, closing the door. Shadow hoped the biting wind would wake him up; he still felt sick from the night before, and the last thing he wanted was to throw up vodka in a room full of sober strangers. He took another drag and watched the cars on the distant freeway drive forward and back. People on the way to work and school, friends visiting friends; happy people, sad people, those with trauma and those blissfully unaware. Sober people, drunken people… Shadow got a grounding sense that the universe was smaller than he had originally thought. His heart soaring, just slightly, he realized that his life was not over yet. That stranger on the roof had given him a second chance for unselfish reasons, and he didn't even know their name. He was grateful.

As his eyes watered, he took a puff and held it in his lungs, allowing tears to spill over. Once again, he was tired of running from everyone who simply wanted to help him, and was tired of running from his feelings. Trauma affects everyone differently, and his own had hardened him into an uncaring, apathetic asshole for so long; at his core, he simply wanted was to be loved, and he abruptly came to the conclusion that he _was._ He decided he would try to be more open with his feelings.

Finishing his cigarette, he got back in the car. He looked at Tails, and Tails stared back, eyes full of compassion and regret. Without a word said between them, they embraced at the same time; the center console of the car dug into Shadows' ribs, but he didn't care, and he held the fox tighter, silently spilling more tears.

After a few long moments, a car pulled up to the church a few yards away and the hedgehog released his hold on Tails. Wiping his face, he spoke softly but firmly. "Tails, I can't promise this," he started, gesturing to the church, "will be for me, but I can promise you I'm willing to try things from now on. I want to stop drinking."

Tails' heart soared with happiness, responding only, "Oh, Shadow…" before crying a few tears of his own. The hedgehog smiled weakly, feeling drained, and gently rustled the top of the foxes' head. When he removed his hand, fur was sticking up at odd angles, and he laughed, fixing it. Tails looked out the windshield to see who had pulled up and saw it to be the meetings' secretary, keys in hand. He bit his lip and said, "We can go in anytime," before apprehensively placing his hand on the door handle.

"Wait," the black and red hedgehog said. Narrowing his eyes, he nervously continued, "Walk me through this. What am I getting myself into?"

The fox smiled encouragingly. "Well, since we're early and you're new, people are going to introduce themselves to you," he started, before Shadow groaned in response. He chuckled and continued, "When the meeting starts, we'll read a couple papers that describe AA, then a speaker will tell their story of addiction and recovery. That lasts about a half hour, and when they finish we pass a basket around and, uh…" He pursed his lips, judging the hedgehogs' reaction. "We collect money."

Shadow growled, "You have to _pay_ for this shit?"

Tails frowned. "Please don't call it that; and no, you don't _have_ to do anything. It's totally free, but the contributions go towards rent, coffee, all that stuff." He paused, and the hedgehog calmed down a bit. He went on, "After that, the floor is open for anyone to share their opinions on the speakers' share, their own experience, how their life has been recently, anything." He hesitated, then added, "You don't have to share, it's totally up to you. But please, if you do, don't be rude or defensive."

The hedgehog opened his mouth to defend himself before closing it suddenly. _"Yeah, okay, that sounds like something I might do."_

Tails took a breath, smiling again. "That's about it. The meeting will end at nine, and we'll go shopping." The fox nodded, pleased with his description and sure he hadn't'd left anything out. He asked sweetly, "Do you have any other questions?"

Shadow snorted. "You sound like a tour guide," was his only answer, and he opened the door to the car.

Tails giggled, got out as well, and the two walked to the church entrance. The door was propped open with a chair, and the smell of coffee wafted through the building and outside. They walked inside and saw the room was totally devoid of people.

Tails let out a, "Hmm…" and walked over to a chair leaned up against the wall, picking it up and moving it to the center of the room. Shadow, unsure of himself, did the same, then walked over to the corner of the room. An old-school coffee machine was brewing the hot liquid next to a container of creamer and a jar of sugar. Pouring himself a cup and adding the smallest amount of sugar, he took a sip and thought to himself, " _Shit, this is strong,"_ before adding a bit more sugar.

Just then, a man walked out of the adjoining kitchen and spotted the pair. He smiled and walked over to the fox first, saying, "Hey, Tails! It's been a while."

Tails hugged the man and responded, "Yeah, it has. Nice to see you, Nate." The fox paused, then continued, "I thought Blaze usually got coffee and snacks?"

The man nodded and answered, "She usually does, but she couldn't make it this week; this meeting doesn't have a lot of people, so I took over her duty." He grinned widely and then said, "But enough about that; how've you been? You've been meeting with your sponsor, I hope?"

"Yeah, I have, and uh, it's been…" the fox hesitated, sighing, "Not great."

Nate shot the fox a half frown of concern. "I'm sorry to hear that; would you like to share what happened, or save it for the meeting?"

Tails opened his mouth and hesitated again. He said, "I'll wait until the meeting." The fox decided he wanted to rehearse the story of his relapse in his head first, to make sure he left out the more graphic details.

Nate nodded and patted Tails on the shoulder, then walked over to the coffee machine to talk to Shadow. Shadow, however, was still emotionally drained and was in no mood to talk; remembering his promise to Tails about trying new things, he took a large mouthful of coffee and readied himself, preparing to make pleasantries with the stranger.

The man extended his hand to the hedgehog, and the two shook hands. Nate introduced himself, Shadow did the same, and the two talked for a couple minutes about nothing in particular. Shadow learned that Nate was 29, six years sober, and married, but that was about it. Before long he asked, "So, is this your first AA meeting?"

The hedgehog nodded, sipping his coffee, then responded, "Yeah, I'm Tails' roommate."

"Oh, are you here for support?" Nate inquired genuinely.

The hedgehog snorted and sighed, "No, I'm here for me," looking away in minor embarrassment. For some reason he couldn't meet the strangers' eyes.

Nate picked up on this quickly, replying, "Hey, it's okay. Everyone starts somewhere; I'm glad you came."

Shadow narrowed his eyes. _"Glad I came? You don't even know me."_

The man continued, "Feel free to absolutely ignore me here, but I like to ask newcomers about their first time drinking." He paused then, receiving silence in return, added, "Y'don't have to; just a curious little thing I do."

Shadow hesitated. His first time drinking? He remembered it as though it had happened last night; how _could_ he forget a day like that? As more repressed memories began to surface, he ignored his overwhelming urge to push them down. He had promised Tails he was going to open up and, well, he'd be damned if he was going to break another promise to the fox.

"Well, uh… The first time I drank…" he began, as two more people entered the building.

* * *

*Flashback*

Shadow awoke in his bed at his mothers' house, excited for the new day as always. Quickly springing from bed and throwing his clothes on, he glanced at his brand-new clock he had gotten from his grandfather for his birthday a month prior; the kind that displayed the time, date, temperature, and more. It read, "Wednesday, December 19th, 2007, 9:32am".

 _"Oh no! I'm_ super _late for school!"_

Rushing downstairs and grabbing his backpack, he put a piece of bread in the toaster and tapped his foot impatiently. Looking into the living room, he saw his mother asleep on the couch with an empty bottle of whiskey in her hand, the TV still playing softly in the background. He sighed sadly; though he didn't fully understand what she was going through personally, at 15 years old he was well old enough to know what was happening to his mother. An alcoholic, her idea of a life was to drink from wake-up to sleep, and only knew in passing she had a child in her house.

An only child with no father, he had practically raised himself since he was five. Making meals, getting to school, and everything his mother had failed to do for him in over a decade. As he grew a little older, he started working to support their struggling family of two; his mother lived on nothing but welfare and the occasional part-time job she would hold for a few months at most. She was currently unemployed again.

Brilliantly intelligent, Shadow was one of the kindest, humble and hard-working students in his grade; and that was just the teachers' opinions. To other students he was emotionally supportive and sweet, often helping anyone in need and was a good shoulder to cry on. He had dozens of friends and countless acquaintances that liked him a lot, and he was, needless to say, pretty popular. That being said, nobody knew anything of his home life; Shadow was deeply embarrassed of his situation and loved his mother despite her faults, and didn't want other teenagers to find out, lest his house become a target of some kind to the bully kids.

As the now toasted bread popped up, Shadow grabbed it and ran out the door, closing it softly. He ran the whole mile and a half to school in under five minutes, easily beating any human runners, and arrived at 9:40am.

The principal was waiting for him and other late students just walking in. She spotted the hedgehog and frowned in concern, walking up to him and asking, "Good morning, Shadow; is everything all right? You're never late."

"I'm sorry Miss Cole," came an out of breath answer, "I must've forgotten to set my alarm."

A look of understanding crossed her face. She was one of the few people in Shadows' life who knew his situation fully, and knew his mother would not have driven him. She didn't even know if she _had_ a car. She gently told the hedgehog, "It's alright; get to class, and I won't count this as a tardy. Especially since this is your last day since Christmas break."

"Thank you Miss Cole!"

Now walking to catch his breath, Shadow headed to his first class, English, even though it was almost time for first break; he figured he would get notes from someone and read them in the last ten minutes of class. He walked in as quietly as he could and sat down. Without having to be asked, his friend Daniel passed him the notes for the day, and the hedgehog smiled gratefully.

The day went by relatively normally, even quickly in Shadows' opinion, and soon it was time to go home. Once again, Shadow had no homework, having done it all already in class, and was free to walk with his friends in the town, look in shops, and spend time at the pier feeding the pigeons. He and his friends had taken no more than ten steps off the property when a car, a blue Honda CRV, pulled up alongside the sidewalk. Three seniors were in it, and Shadow recognized the driver right away. His name was Joey, and Shadow had decided long ago that he was a bad kid.

Joey pointed directly at Shadow and commanded, "You. Get in."

Shadow raised his head and said, "No."

Joey smirked; the young man could be very persuasive, saying, "We know about your, ah… Situation. Get in or we spill it to all your little friends here."

The hedgehogs' heart dropped, and his friends looked at him confused. There was no malice in any of their eyes, but Shadow felt threatened; he desperately wanted to keep his life a secret from anyone he knew and liked.

Taking a shaky breath, he knew he had no choice. He lowered his head and opened the back door, climbing in, when his friend Daniel called after him, "Wait, Shadow, you don't have to go with them."

He opened his mouth to reply, but was cut off by a boy he didn't know in the passenger seat. "It's his own decision to make, fuckhead. Get lost."

With that, Joey slammed the gas, yelling, "Bye, ladies~!" to the boys on the sidewalk, and Shadow lurched forward; he had yet to put on a seatbelt. He protested, "W-wait, I'm not-" before being cut off by the same boy in the front seat, "You don't need a fucking seatbelt, square." Shadow noticed that neither of the boys or the girl in the backseat were wearing one.

The girl boldly belched loudly and said, "Allow us to introduce ourselves. You know Joey, I'm Kayla, and this is my boyfriend, Lucas." She snickered, "You'll know us pretty well by the end of the night, I assure you."

Lucas leaned back and pointed directly in Shadows' face, yelling mock-angrily, "Touch her and you die." Shadows' heart stopped beating for a moment before he realized he was joking and stuttered an, "O-okay," which was then mocked by the boy. The truth was that Shadow knew he was gay by this point, though he obviously had no intention of saying anything to them at this point.

Kayla laughed turned in her seat, reaching into the storage compartment behind it. She pulled out a backpack and brought it to her seat, setting it between her and the hedgehog. Something inside clinked loudly.

Joey glanced back in the rearview mirror, glaring at the girl. "Jesus, Kayla, don't fucking break 'em; you know how hard it was to get those?" he asked rhetorically before laughing; Shadow didn't understand the joke.

Kayla scowled back. "What'd 'you care, these are mine."

"Like hell they are, I paid for 'em."

"Well, I'll pay you back."

Lucas sneered, "In sex, probably," before nudging Joey. The car swerved slightly at this movement. When no one laughed, he mumbled, "Whatever," before continuing, "It's fine, I need cigarettes anyway; just swing by We Knows'."

Joey laughed coldly, "Oh, _just_ , is it? With traffic, a half hour drive is 'just' to you? Gimme fucking gas money, moocher."

Lucas coolly shot back, "Yeah, it is 'just' to me, but if you're gonna get your panties in a twist I'll give you $15."

Joey grunted in agreement, then looked in the rearview mirror at Shadow. "Ah shit, I forgot you were here. Alright listen up, punk, 'cause I'm only gonna say this once.

"We know your mom's a fucking alcoholic. Thing is, all our parents are too, and we've formed a little group for it. We're, uh…" He paused, thinking of the right word. Finding it, he said, "Yeah, we're initiating you into it."

Shadows' mind reeled and he shakily asked, voice quivering, "How… How do you know that?"

Kayla answered this and, smiling evilly, stated confidently, "I sneak into Miss Fuckfaces' office sometimes and read her emails."

"Miss Cole?"

Kayla stuck out her tongue. "Ew, don't say that bitches name, this is a sacred place," she ended in a mock whisper, gesturing to the car around them. The hedgehog decided he _really_ didn't like it here, and made the decision to walk from wherever they parked to his house, no matter how far this "We Know" was.

When they arrived to their destination, Shadow sighed. They had crossed the freeway into a bad side of town and he had no idea where he was; the only chance he had of getting home now was sticking with these people. The thought of asking the police for help crossed his mind, but he didn't want them to drop him off to his drunken mother; that would cause a whole new set of problems.

Walking inside behind Joey, the store was empty save a tall, Saudi man in his early 20's reading an Arabic newspaper. Language fascinated Shadow; he spoke three of them, in fact, but Arabic was not one of them, so he was looking at it intently when Lucas came up behind him and said, "Don't be weird, language nerd."

Joey and Kayla set two 12-packs of Pacifico beer on the counter. Each. Shadows' heart sank; seeing his mother the way she was, he had vowed from a young age to never drink, not even when he was 21. The man behind the counter looked away from his paper and, seeing Joey and Kayla, his eyes lit up. "Ah, hello, friends!" he said in a thick Arabian accent.

Joey said, sickeningly sweet, "I ain't your friend, Noah. Sell me the beer. Oh, and a pack of Marlboro Blacks."

The man nodded and continued smiling, saying in return, "Yes, friends. Beer, Mar-el-bor-oh, yes." Shadow realized he spoke little English; maybe those were the only words he knew. After all, Joey had said blatantly they weren't friends, yet Noah only smiled and did his job as clerk.

 _"He's either really committed to his job, or fresh off the boat."_ Seeing Joey smile and say more rude things as well as seeing Noah continue smiling and saying the word "friends" he concluded, " _Fresh off the boat."_

When the transaction was complete, they walked outside but did not get in the car; instead, Joey leading, the four people walked to the left of the store and around the corner to a park, directly behind We Know itself. They all sat at a park bench and Joey pulled out a bottle opener.

"Wanna know why your mom drinks all the time?" Joey asked, popping open a bottle and taking a swig.

"Not really…"

"Too bad."

Lucas handed Shadow an open beer. The hedgehog smelled it and was immediately brought back to past birthdays, Christmases, Thanksgivings, and every other holiday he could think of. His mother preferred harder alcohol, but at family gatherings she would drink herself to a pass out with beer or wine, to appear more "socially acceptable"; her family knew nothing of her drinking or her financial state. His mind reeled again, and he took a deep, shaky breath.

Kayla took a swig of her own beer and said, "Do it, pussy," before grabbing Shadows' hand and moving the bottle to his lips for him. As the cold, bitter drink hit the back of his throat, Joey and Lucas began chanting, "Chug, chug, chug," and Shadows' mind went blank. He allowed the situation to continue out of fear. Drinking the whole bottle, he came up for air and as Kayla cheered, said, "I think I'm gonna throw up."

Lucas snorted, "Not here, you're not. Go over to those bushes," he commanded, pointing a little ways away. Shadow instead lay down across the bench on his back and waited, his mouth watering and stomach in pain. The hedgehog closed his eyes and took shaky, loud breaths for a few minutes before sitting up quickly.

As he did so, the alcohol hit him at once. Though it was only one beer, his tolerance was low and it was consumed in one sitting. His head felt light, and he felt a little happier. The sun and everything around him seemed brighter. Most notably, his anxiety about the situation was lessened. From the deepest, darkest corner of his brain, some inactive piece lit up for the first time ever, and said to him in a subconscious lull, " _More."_

Without thinking, he allowed his muscles to move on their own, and he grabbed another beer. Opening it against the side of the table, he began to chug this one as well, and set it down with just a few sips left. He regretted this for a moment, then quickly realized he didn't care. Not really. His promise to never drink had been broken, and he felt artificially good; why stop at one measly beer?

The three people around him stared in silence, before Lucas broke it by saying only, "Woah."

Joey grinned, adding, "'Woah' indeed. I think he's gonna fit in just fine, once he gets the stick the rest of the way out of his ass."

Kayla nodded in agreement, grinning widely. "Let's have some fun, boys."

A few hours passed, and the sun began to sink lower in the sky. The four had drank nearly every single beer, and Shadow had put back 15 alone. Thoroughly drunk, the hedgehog had grown to kinda like his new "friends"; he laughed with them, cussed with them (something he _rarely_ did), and even earned a few laughs with his own jokes.

Shadow spoke, voice slurring, "Y'know what a good thing is about having an alcoholic mom?"

Lucas slurred back, "What?"

The hedgehog hic-cupped, then continued, "They don't give a shit about when you get home," grinning and holding an empty bottle. He looked at it, vision blurred, and as they all laughed he stood up and stumbled a few feet away. The park was now empty, and Shadow screamed, "Mazel-tov!" before smashing the bottle into the sidewalk.

This earned a cheer from Kayla, who Shadow had learned was the wildest of the group, and Joey asked, "What are we celebrating?" His voice was relatively even; he had drank only eight beers, and had a high tolerance from years of drinking.

Shadow stumbled back and exclaimed excitedly, "Me drinking for the first time; I fucking love this." He looked at Lucas, who was currently chain-smoking his fifth smoke, and said, "Gimme one."

Lucas took the cigarette out of his mouth and whistled. "Drinking and smoking in one night? What a beast!" he yelled, before handing him one with a lighter. Making sure to put the right end in his mouth, Shadow lit the other end and immediately coughed violently. Lucas chuckled, "Yeah, that'll happen," then stomped his own cigarette out, lighting a sixth.

After a few puffs, Shadow was no longer coughing; he felt nothing from the cigarette, however. Lucas and Joey were talking about some football game, so he asked Kayla in a whisper, "Am I supposed to feel something?"

Kayla thought for a minute, then tilted her head and requested, "Take another drag." He did so, and she laughed, "No, no, you're supposed to _inhale_ the smoke." Grabbing the smoke out of his hand, she added, "Like this," before taking a long hit and visibly inhaling. She blew an O shaped ring in the air, and Shadow whistled.

"Okay, okay, lemme try again." Taking a puff and inhaling deeply and quickly, he coughed even more violently, then drank the last half of his last beer to calm his throat. When he set the empty bottle down, he felt amazing; a rush went through his mind, blanking it, and he leaned back, falling off the bench.

"Oh, sweetie, no…" Kayla sighed. Glancing at Joey, she said, "We should take him home, he's pretty drunk." Joey nodded, and they all stood up slowly.

As the sun set behind the hills on the outskirts of Westopolis, Kayla helped Shadow into the car. Dizzy, he began nodding off, and Kayla said gently, "Get some sleep, new friend. We'll be home before you know it." With that, Joey started the car and drove Shadow home first, smiling to himself the whole way.

The next day, and every day after that, he hung out with his new friends at that same park as well as new places around Westopolis Shadow had never thought to visit before. They shared secrets, ideas, and joked like friends do; within days, he was a part of the group.

His old friends fell to the wayside, and though they called and emailed him a lot over break, he never picked up the phone and he never wrote back. When school started that January, he was rude, abrasive, and outright ignored them; Joey had told him his old friends were too "gay" to hang around anymore. He was with the cool kids now. He should act like it.

One day, in March, the 15 year old hedgehog went into his sleeping mothers' liquor cabinet, like he usually did, and stole a large bottle of 45 proof whiskey. It was expensive stuff, more expensive than they could afford, and Shadow scoffed in annoyance. _"Our kitchen is bare except for this one fucking cabinet,"_ he thought apathetically. He didn't really mind; his new friends bought him food every day, knowing his financial situation.

Walking outside, he found Lucas' car, a white Nissan, waiting for him. He hopped in and sat next to Joey in the back seat, handing him the booze.

Joey whistled, commenting, "Expensive stuff," before popping the cap and taking a swig. He handed it to Kayla, who handed it back to Shadow, before finally it reached Lucas. When the bottle was empty, they took off for We Know. Shadow buckled his seatbelt, unlike his companions, and held the empty bottle in his lap, already dozing off.

The clock read 11:55am.

When the clock read 12:02pm, Shadow woke to the sound of a horn blaring. Startled, he kicked the drivers' seat of the car and Lucas, who had been nodding off, yelled, waking Kayla and Joey. The car swerved, hitting first the guardrail then, going through it to the opposite side of the freeway, a small red truck. Both cars where then stopped in their tracks, and horns blared all over the freeway.

The speedometer of the Nissan had read 75mph; the red truck, 70mph.

Head through the windshield, Kayla moaned softly. Shadow could see nothing but blood covering the glass of the cars' front seats. Joey next to him was unconscious and bleeding as well, and had flown onto the center console. Lucas' head was resting on the horn, blaring it. Heart hammering and mind numb with surreal understanding, he got out of the car. On his way out he noticed Kayla's elbow was white. Her bone was sticking out, covered in a thin layer of muscle and fat.

Taking one step onto the freeway, Shadow vomited. He glanced up and noticed a thin woman with dirty-blonde hair slowly getting out of the red truck; miraculously, she looked uninjured. In the backseat of her crumpled truck were two small children, both of whom were awake and crying in their car seats.

Shadow took one look at her shocked face and turned, running. Tripping once and quickly standing back up, he ran at top speed on the freeway to the nearest off-ramp, took it, and stopped at a gas station. His conscious caught up with him here. A voice in his head said, _"You abandoned your friends out of fear. You just don't want to get in trouble."_

He ignored this thought and walked inside, asking the clerk for directions to his street in a very shaky voice.

Before answering, the man behind the counter said, "You okay, son? You look like you're shivering but it's at least 80° outside." He paused and looked the hedgehog up and down, gasping, "You-you're not okay at all! Let me call someone; were you in a wreck?"

Shadow looked down and realized the empty bottle of whiskey must have shattered in his lap when it hit the hard plastic of the back of the front seat. His pants were cut up, and his legs were bleeding. He panicked and ran out the front door, guessing the direction of home.

It took him an hour to find his house.

When Shadow finally arrived, his mother was gone somewhere. He turned on the TV, immediately after arriving, he flipped to a news channel right as they were covering the crash. Hearing the news anchor talk, he felt surreal.

"…say the car was going approximately 80mph when it jumped the guardrail and hit an oncoming car. Nobody in the red truck you see behind me," she said, gesturing, "was injured, but two people in the white car were killed immediately; one girl is being rushed to the hospital in critical condition. Upon inspecting the driver, it became clear to Officer Coorssen that alcohol was clearly involved.

"The woman driving the red truck, Sarah, said she witnessed a fourth passenger get out of the car and flee from the scene; there is no artists' sketch at this time, but as one is completed, police would request anyone with information to the fourth person come forward."

Shadow began hyperventilating. Though he didn't know it at the time, he was having a severe panic attack; he walked to his backyard, tears streaming down his face, and lit a cigarette. Already his subconscious was hard at work, suppressing the details of the moment.

Shadow the Hedgehog was never caught; Kayla died in the hospital three days later, and he attended none of their funerals.

* * *

As Shadow finished the story and looked around, he realized a decently sized group of people had formed around him, including Tails. He had told the story as apathetically as possible at first, yet by the end his voice was shaking heavily and he couldn't contain the tears streaming down his face. He had never thought about that day since it had happened, and reliving it was hard. Hard was an understatement, actually; the truth was, it was nearly impossible.

Tails gently held his shoulder and rubbed it back and forth, softly. Nate stood awestruck, as did most of the people around him. Finally, after about a minute of silence, Nate said, "Well, the meeting was supposed to have started 20 minutes ago but, ah, Hannah," he said, pointing to Shadows' old boss, "Do you mind skipping your share in lieu of this beautifully tragic story?"

Shadow turned to face his former employer in shock. He knew her son, Robert, was an alcoholic but had no idea she herself went to AA as well. Nodding, she replied, "Of course. I can share next week; though I'd like to share in the discussion portion." Looking at Shadow with soft, gentle eyes, she added, "And I'd like to speak to you after the meeting, if that's okay."

The hedgehog blinked once and nodded, then wiped his tears as best he could. Everyone sat down in the chairs, arranged in a circle, and Shadow sat between Hannah and Tails, the former of which gently held his hand while the latter had his arm around the hedgehogs' shoulder. Then the meeting began.

"I'm Nate, and I'm an alcoholic and this meetings secretary."

A chorus of "Hi, Nate," went around the room.

Well," began the man, "that's certainly one way to begin a meeting. I think due to it being Shadows' first meeting, we can skip the pleasantries and go straight into discussion. All in favor?"

Everyone raised their hands.

"Good. Who would like to begin?"

The meeting went by faster than Shadow had anticipated; Hannah shared, as did Tails, talking about their relapses but leaving out the cause, and before he had even bothered to glance up at the clock on the wall, everyone was standing. 40 minutes had gone by in what felt like five.

Everyone lined themselves in a circle and held hands, and Shadow found himself holding his former boss' as well as his loves'. Nate spoke, saying, "Let's close with a moment of silence followed by the "We" version of the Serenity Prayer."

About ten seconds passed in absolute solidarity, then Nate said, "God," and everyone repeated, "God," before continuing, "Grant us the serenity, to accept the things we cannot change, the courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference." Shadow, not knowing what to say, kept his mouth shut.

Everyone finished by chanting, "Keep coming back it works (if you work it)," before uncoupling hands. People began milling around the room; refilling coffee, stacking chairs, and making after-meeting plans. Hannah walked up to Shadow.

"Hey," she began softly, but was cut off before she could continue.

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay."

The two stared at each other for a few moments, and then Hannah did something he was still not quite accustomed to, unless it was with Tails, and hugged the hedgehog. Embracing somewhat tightly, she whispered in his ear, "Your position is open again, if you'd like your old job back."

Shadow uncoupled from the woman. He eyed her warily, asking, "Are you sure? After everything…"

This time Hannah cut _him_ off, smiling gently and warmly, "You look like you've changed. And I hope to see more change in the future." She shook his hand formally, adding, "You start Monday." Then, sweetly again, "It's nice to see you again."

Shadow sighed in pure relief. He had a job again, and a well-paying one he was good at. He said his goodbyes and walked over to Tails, who was chatting with some of the people from the meeting.

Smiling, the fox grabbed his hand and said, "I love you," before hugging him tightly. Shadow blushed, and the aforementioned people chuckled. He looked away in embarrassment, smiling slightly. Returning to his original position, Tails then said, "Shadow, this is Cliff, and this is Henry," pointing to the two somewhat elderly men. The fox continued, "They were staff at my rehab." The two men said hello, and Shadow did the same.

Shadow balked internally. _"Tails went to_ rehab _?"_ He was learning all different things today, and it had been very tumultuous. He yawned loudly despite the coffee.

Tails giggled. "Do you still wanna go shopping or do you wanna take a nap?"

Shadow smiled at the fox and tussled the top of his head again, causing fur to stick up straight into the air. Whimpering indignantly, Tails fixed his fur as Shadow answered, "Nah, we need to go shopping, and I'd like the exercise anyway."

Nodding, the fox said goodbye to the men and the two made their way back to the car. Once inside, Shadow broke the news about getting his job back.

The fox looked crestfallen. Shadow scowled and said, "What's wrong? Isn't that a good think?"

Tails hesitated before, not making eye contact, responded quietly, "Does this mean you're gonna move out?"

Shadow blinked. He hadn't'd even considered the thought that he might have to get his own apartment again. Though he had only lived in the apartment suite with Tails for a few days, he had grown very accustomed to their routines, as well as the foxes' little idiosyncrasies and habits. Simply put, he liked his life the way it was, and didn't really _want_ to move out. He had been alone his whole life, from a mother who wasn't present and no siblings, to living on his own, to finally having a roommate he constantly fought with; well, he wanted so desperately to live with Tails. Hesitantly, he answered with another question, asking, "Do you _want_ me to move out?"

The fox shook his head, and Shadow sighed in relief. "Then I won't."

"Are you sure that's what you want?" Tails inquired, adding, "You've been independent your whole life; I thought you strove for it."

Shadow scoffed, "Yeah, I've been independent my whole life because I've been running from everyone whose ever cared about me. I don't want to live alone; I did so out of fear. I held a long held fear of growing too close to anyone, and I'm done with it." Looking the fox dead in the eyes, he finished softly, "Tails, I'm so fucking lonely."

Tails' eyes began to water. Barely audible, he whispered, "Me too."

The two stared in silence that seemed to stretch on for ages before Tails finally started the car without a word. About a mile down the road, Tails took a deep breath and said, "I'm glad we're gonna live together."

Shadow chuckled. "Me too, Tails. I have more fun with you than I've had in years, and I'm sorry I took you for granted for so long.

Tails gripped the steering wheel, eyes blank. Shadow could hear his own breath, his own heart pulsing, his own blood rushing through his veins, as Tails took another deep breath as if readying himself for something and, pulling the car over, said one more sentence to the hedgehog.

"I think… I think I might like you."

The car now stopped on the side of the road, Tails the Fox turned, leaned in, and kissed Shadow the Hedgehog.

 **Author's Note II:**

So I've been listening to, admittedly Sonic music, Windmill Isle (Day) from Sonic Unleashed. On loop. For three hours. It's stuck in my head someone help me ahhh! Hope you like it; though this story long surpassed "Stay With Me" as my longest story by word count (at 8,000 some-odd), it is now the story (on this account) with the most chapters (surpassing "I Love You, Stupid Woman!"). Out of 22 total fanfictions. Yeah, I'm pretty fucking proud of myself. I really hope you're liking it so far, and I look forward to your feedback as well as Chapter 7!


	7. Chapter 7

Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened To Me. Eventually.

MaturePopcorn

 **Description:**

Shadow despises his job and everything about it. Though a hard alcoholic for many years, his drinking has significantly picked up recently. Once fired for drinking on the job, the heavy alcoholism continues, somehow even stronger, ultimately leading to trouble. Through his journey of recovery, he changes his outlook on life and incredible things begin to happen. Drama and angst, this is the most _mature_ fanfiction I've ever written, about the struggles of alcoholism and recovery; it is meant for older viewers.

 **Warning:**

Graphic description of rape; I cut it off before anything actually happens, per say, but… Just thought I'd give a fair warning.

 **Author's Note I:**

I'm sorry.

~Hannah~

Chapter 007

Shadows' mind was blank, and his whole body felt warm and numb. The only thing he could feel were his lips and his hands; the former were pressed against Tails', and he quickly noticed how surprisingly soft they were. The latter were on the dashboard and the center console, and both were gripping the plastic of the car tightly.

A few moments passed with the two connected only by their mouths before Tails broke away and drew in a shaky breath. Silence passed; Shadow was bewildered beyond belief, and the fox beside him stared in his eyes with a look of worry.

Finally, the hedgehog couldn't stand the quietness of the car and spoke, a little louder than he originally intended, "You think?"

Tails breath-laughed before, eyes showing a small amount of regret and panic, started crying. Blinking hard, the foxes voice quivered as he answered, "I-I don't know. I'm sorry, I do-don't know."

Shadow allowed the fox to weep without asking his next question; _"Then why did you kiss me on the lips?"_ Sighing, he tried to think of something to lighten the mood. Nothing ran across his mind as Tails continued crying, until finally something struck him. He gently and almost playfully commented, "Y'know, that was actually my first kiss ever," smiling sweetly. This caused the fox to stop crying and begin wailing. Shadow glanced out the window, mouth shut in defeat. _"Okay, that didn't work; now what?"_

Tails let out a soft, "Hnnn…" before saying between sobs, "I shouldn't have done that."

Shadows' heart began to break in two. He had thought, for just a moment, that everything in his life was coming together. He had opened up about his past, rekindled old friendships, got his job back, was about to begin outpatient, and finally kissed the fox of his dreams. This all came crashing down around him as Tails added another, "I'm sorry, Shadow…" and his heart officially shattered, truly and fully.

A billion shards of broken glass rained down from inside his chest, and his head felt like it was about to burst. Falling on old coping skills, he turned to anger and growled, "If you're so sorry about it, then why'd you do anything at all?" Without waiting for a reply, he exited the car swiftly and slammed the door; from just outside he could hear silence, then louder wailing. Lighting another cigarette, his own eyes began to water as he walked away down the street, not sure of where he was in town.

Wandering for about ten minutes, he discovered a gas station. Stomach growling and tears flowing, he walked towards it with the intention of buying some cheap, fast food. He hated the greasy shit, but his body seemed to crave it at the moment.

Walking inside, the door made a beeping sound and the clerk looked up from her phone, greeting him. He said nothing in return and instinctively made a beeline for the alcohol isle and froze. He breathed deeply and exhaled slowly; he had literally _just_ come from an emotionally intense AA meeting, his first one ever, and had gotten his job back, the very job he was fired at for drinking on the job. Was he really going to relapse now? Weighing his options, images of Kayla's broken elbow and blood spattered front windows came flooding back into his brain. He shuddered. _"I need a fucking therapist,"_ he thought gloomily, opening the refrigerator door and grabbing a six-pack of Pacifico.

He paid at the counter, buying with the beer some steak taquitos, and exited the store. Feeling more alone in the world than ever, and not caring who saw, he sat down on the curb in front of the gas station and opened a bottle on the curb, then took a bite of one of the taquitos. Before he could do anything else, the clerk walked out and said, "You can't loiter here," then walked back inside without another word. He groaned angrily and picked up his belongings, setting off once again.

Reaching a small park, he sat at a bench and finished a taquito. He looked at the beer for a few moments, brought it to his lips, then froze. He could still taste Tails' chapstick.

Crying with rage, he brought the bottle back down and threw it as hard as he could into the park, nearly hitting a squirrel as the liquid spiraled out of it. He slammed his head to the table, ignoring the pain, and allowed the sobs to wrack his body uncontrollably. Everything he had meant nothing to him anymore if he didn't have Tails. He realized that it went a lot deeper than love; for as non-spiritual as he was, Shadow had an inkling of a belief in soulmates, and he truly believed that if they _did_ exist, Tails would be his one and only. He loved Tails more than he loved himself, though he failed to see the unhealthy danger in this fact. The simple truth was that he was co-dependent on the fox.

Depressingly eating the remaining two taquitos, he continued thinking; one of his many promises to Tails was that he would stick around, even if the fox didn't love him back. He found this was no longer the case. It hurt him so deeply and harshly; it had been killing him just to see his friend these last few days and he didn't even know it until now. He sat at that bench for an hour.

Making up his mind, he stood up. He had long since ceased crying, and his face was blank and neutral. He turned and walked down the street, leaving the beer, and looked up Tails' apartment address on his phone; finding it quickly, he set out.

About four hours after that, the hedgehog finally arrived. His legs ached and his stomach was growling again. He doubted the fox had gone shopping in his absence, and considered coming back after walking down the street to a McDonalds. Shadow shook his head, knocking on the door; they were supposed to have made him a key today.

The door slowly opened, and the fox locked eyes with the hedgehog. Cutting to the chase, Shadow said, "I've made up my mind about things. I-"

"No, _I've_ made up _my_ mind," Tails said, cutting him off. Shadow exhaled through his nose but said nothing, and the fox continued in a steady, clear voice, "I've had a lot of time to think, and I've decided that I _do_ like you."

Shadow took a sharp breath, stuttering, "Y-you…" before trailing off. He had rehearsed an entire goodbye speech for hours, and had mentally prepared himself, shutting off all emotion. He allowed it to come back online now as he breathed out, eyes fluttering. He finally got out, in barely a whisper, "You do?"

"I do," came a quieter response.

Shadows' heart soared higher than it had ever been before. He would deal with the co-dependency later; his dream had finally come true, and Tails liked him back. Love, however, was another issue; one Shadow decided he would deal with another day.

Tails continued again, "I went shopping while you were gone, so we can talk now if you'd like. Though…"

"Though?" Shadow said, furrowing his eyebrows.

Tails opened his mouth to respond but was cut off by a low pitched grumble from the living room. As the mystery guest walked up to the door, they began, "Who's that? If it's Shadow, I'll…" before stopping when they saw who it was.

Shadow narrowed his eyes, shooting back coolly, "Hello, Vector. What, exactly, will you do?"

Tails quickly and exasperatedly answered for him, "Nothing," but the crocodile went on.

"Nice of you to show your face again, Shadow. Thought Espios' funeral was the last I'd see you before, y'know, you went the same way."

Shadow snarled back, "Rich coming from you, fucking crackhead."

Vector only snorted in response. "Been off that shit for years; how's _Xanax_ treating you?"

Eye twitching, Shadow reeled his arm back, but Tails physically stopped him. The fox knew nothing of the hedgehogs' Xanax addiction, but decided this was not the time to talk about it. The fox shot the crocodile a sideways glance. "Vector, thank you very much for coming and comforting me, but I think I'll be okay now," he said plainly, indicating that he had said enough.

Vector growled, "Stay away from him, Tails. He's bad news, and you know it." With that, he walked down the hallway and boarded the elevator. Only when he heard the machine begin to drop did Tails sigh in relief.

He looked apologetically at Shadow, sighing, "I know, I know… He wasn't the right person to call, but he was the only one who picked up; everyone else, including my sponsor, was busy." Tails suddenly glanced at the floor in embarrassment and regret. "Try to get along better with him, for my sake… I almost relapsed just now."

Shadow finally relaxed his muscles and calmed down a little, replying, "So did I," before explaining the story of his last five hours.

"But you didn't?" came a response at the end.

"No," was Shadows' reply.

Tails nodded, relieved. Shadow entered the apartment and closed the door behind him, and the two made their way to the couch where they sat at opposite ends in silence for ten solid minutes. Neither were quite sure what to say. Finally, after what felt to Shadow like forever, the fox inquired, "…Wanna kiss again?"

Shadow laughed, a little coldly. "After all that," he said, calming himself, "you want to jump straight back into kissing again?"

Tails blushed in embarrassment, saying, "Well, yeah, I mean… It was my first kiss too." He paused, then added, "I kinda liked it."

Shadow scooted across the couch and over to the fox. Looking away, he placed a hand gingerly on his Tails' knee. "I mean… Look, I don't necessarily have an issue with it, but…" Tails waited expectantly, a little apprehensive, and Shadow bluntly stated, "I'm fucking starving."

It was Tails' turn to laugh a little, and he said to Shadow, "Well, it's two o'clock, so we could go out to a late lunch?" He blushed, adding softly, "A date, maybe?"

The hedgehog smiled. "Yeah, I'd like that."

The two headed out immediately, going down the elevator, through the lobby and outside. They decided to walk somewhere nearby, and within ten minutes of leisurely strolling (while holding hands), they found a hole-in-the-wall restaurant downtown simply called, "Capitol Café".

They walked inside and sat down. It was relatively empty, though Shadow didn't know if that was due to being unknown or it being a little late for lunch. After a few minutes of waiting, making small talk, a woman approached them and smiled warmly and genuinely. She spoke in a slight accent; Scandinavian, Shadow guessed.

"Hello! My name is Christine, welcome to my café; can I get you something to drink?"

Shadow answered first, ordering, "Coffee, please," which was followed by Tails' order of sweet tea. The woman nodded and handed them menus, asking politely, "New to town?"

Tails closed his eyes and smiled, shaking his head. "No, we live nearby; this is actually our first date." Shadow blinked and blushed slightly, embarrassed. He forgot how open the fox could be to strangers, and wasn't quite used to it yet. He, personally, would have kept that information to himself.

Christine only smiled wider, responding, "Oh, wonderful! If you need anything, let me or my waiter know; it's just the two of us today."

Shadow looked around and failed to see a waiter. Figuring they were in the kitchen or on break, he looked back at Tails and answered her, "Thank you." As the woman walked away to retrieve the drinks, Shadow tilted his head and commented, "Busy day, huh?"

Tails snorted. "Longer than most, that's for sure," the fox commented sarcastically. A few minutes past, and the woman brought back the beverages, then took the hedgehog and the foxes' orders. An avocado burger and a BLT, respectively, the duo ate in relative silence when their food came, and by three o'clock, they were done.

The check came then, face down, and a joke Tails had been telling turned to silence. They looked at each other with pursed lips; neither of them wanted the other to pay, and they both knew it. In a flash, they both jabbed their hands for the check, but Shadow was slightly faster and picked it up, reading the amount due.

It read, "$0.00".

Narrowing his eyes in confusion, he glanced up at Christine from across the room. She made eye contact with the hedgehog and winked. He looked back down at the check, and saw a note at the bottom.

"Happy first date! Many wishes and many more to come, Christine"

Shadow smiled genuinely. He hadn't expected this, and was glad Tails had piped up about their dating status to the stranger. He shared their fortune with the fox, and the two stood to leave. Thanking the woman profusely, they exited the café and wandered downtown for a couple hours before finally returning home.

Upon reaching the apartment, the two settled in to their usual spots on the couch, albeit a little closer than usual. Putting his arm around his new boyfriend, Shadow turned on the TV, and the two snuggled closer together for warmth. Happy for the first time in a while, Shadow yawned; all the walking he had done coupled with finally eating had made him tired, and as Tails placed his head on the hedgehogs' shoulder, he closed his eyes and began to doze.

Shadow dreamed he had won the lottery. Upon first glance, he was ecstatic; all of his problems were solved, or so he thought. As the dream wore on, however, things took a tragic turn; first, his newly purchased house burned down. Then his car was stolen, his boyfriend (a stranger in waking hours, though an intimate lover in the dream) broke up with him, and he was mugged. To top it all off, he publicly urinated in his jeans. He started to cry heavily as strangers and friends alike pointed and laughed, and his teeth began to fall out one by one. Finally, his mother appeared and said, slurring her words drunkenly, "You'll never amount to anything, Shadow!"

Shadow woke up sweating. _"What the fuck?"_

He looked down and noticed his boyfriend had fallen asleep, his head now resting on his lap. He smiled softly, heart fluttering, then slowly stretched, and within seconds had forgotten the dream. He glanced at the clock just as it turned to exactly 11:00pm, and he yawned. _"Might as well go to bed… Though I'm surprised I'm still tired after a five hour nap…"_

Though he didn't want to wake Tails, he knew he wouldn't be able to move the fox to his bed without accidentally doing so. He bit the bullet and gently shook him by the shoulders.

Tails slowly blinked open his eyes, yawning. He sighed, then whimpered a soft, "Huh?" and Shadows' heart fluttered again. How could one creature be so unbelievably cute? He shot Tails a look of pure compassion and whispered, "Hey,"

The fox whispered back sleepily, "Hi."

Eyes full of love, Shadow quite literally couldn't stop himself. He stood, and as he did so, he picked up the fox in his arms, holding him bridal style. With a quiet moan of protest from the fox, the hedgehog buried his face in Tails' neck, kissing it softly. Shadows' boyfriend giggled, "Cut it out, that tickles," before moaning again as his boyfriend bit down gently.

Shadow carried the fox to their shared bedroom and now, he assumed, their shared bed; they were adults who were dating, after all, so it only made sense to sleep together. Though he didn't know what they would do with the second bed in the room, he pushed it to the back of his mind to deal with tomorrow.

He turned on the lights and walked over to Tails' side of the room. Feeling playful, he threw Tails onto the bed. The fox bounced a few times, and Shadow jumped on top of him, placing a hand on his chest. He bit down on the foxes' neck, a little more forcefully this time; he had waited years for this moment, and he was fully prepared to take advantage of it.

Under his hand, he felt the fox tense all of his muscles hard. He slowly released his teeth and moved his hand, searching his boyfriends' face.

Tails was breathing hard, his eyes watering. Shadows' heart sank, and he widened his eyes in panic, starting, "Oh, I-I'm sorry, I-"

"Shut up," came a whisper.

He blinked. "W-what?"

Tails' eyes glazed over, though not like before; now, they were full of panic and fear, and of times long past. He screamed, "SHUT UP!" and kicked Shadow full force in the chest, knocking the wind out of the hedgehog. He quickly got out of the way, silently wheezing, and climbed onto the floor where he lay for a moment before standing shakily and sitting on the opposite bed. Watching Tails carefully, the fox began to wail the hardest Shadow had ever witnessed, and he froze, not sure what to do. He didn't want to touch him, speak to him, anything; he was afraid of making things worse. At the same time, he felt helpless doing nothing, so he forced himself to remain calm before apprehensively standing and moving himself, sitting on Tails' bed just under a foot from the fox. Tails began to quiet, slowing to a whimper, then lay staring at the celling in stoic silence for two of the longest minutes in either of their lives.

A secret of Tails' that he had never told a soul was the fact that he had PTSD. It wasn't hard to put the pieces together; in fact, it was almost certain he _would_ have it, based on what had happened all those years ago. His repressed memories had resurfaced but once before, and he had been alone then; to cope, he drank until he blacked out, and then continued drinking. By the end of the night he had to be admitted to the hospital for alcohol poisoning as well as deep and brutal lacerations on his forearms. Resurfacing again, he tried to block everything out of his mind, but failed. They came whether he liked it or not.

* * *

*Flashback*

Tails sat down, sighing deeply. He glanced at his homemade, high-tech watch; the screen displayed, "July, 18th, 2015, 4:32am". Tails groaned. He had been up all night working on the Tornado II again, and there was no way now he was going to be able to sleep now. He leaned back in his swivel chair and looked around, proud of the building he had designed and build using robotics. It was a large airplane hangar with an office to one side and a bedroom to the other, though everything was open. There were no doors.

As Tails contemplated what to do next, the door to the hangar creaked open slowly. Unafraid, he curiously called out, "Hello?" and a blue hedgehog walked in.

Blinking in exhaustion, Sonic walked over to his friend and replied, "Hey, buddy; I thought I'd check up on you. You should really get some sleep." Yawning, he added, smiling, "Happy birthday, by the way, now that it's past midnight and all."

Tails giggled, "Thanks, Sonic; I'll try to get some sleep." The fox was blatantly lying; he had no intention of even laying down to rest until the plane was finished. As Sonic left, closing the door, Tails sighed.

A few minutes passed in silence as the fox sat deep in thought, spinning in his swivel chair. He heard footsteps outside the hangar, then the door creaked open again. He playfully called out, "Sonic?"

Instead of the blue hedgehog, a red echidna entered the hangar, stumbling. Tails tilted his head and called out, "Knuckles, what are you doing awake?"

The echidna made his way over to the fox in silence, and Tails got an unexplainable uneasy feeling in his stomach. He pushed it away; Knuckles was his friend, after all, and a close one at that. Upon reaching him, Knuckles finally answered in very slurred speech, "Thinking about you."

Tails frowned. "What do you mean…?" he began. Without warning, Knuckles leaned down and kissed the fox fully on the lips, and Tails' eyes widened in pure shock. Pulling away, he yelled, "K-Knuckles!"

The echidna snorted, "What?"

The fox was utterly bewildered. Gathering the situation quickly, he tried to talk his way through the situation but, for the first time in his life, Tails the Fox had anxiety. "Knuckles, you're drunk. I'm flattered, but I'm sorry I don't feel that way about you; we can talk about this in the morning."

"It _is_ morning," the echidna shot back.

Tails sighed, "Please, Knuckles, just-"

Cutting him off, Knuckles placed a hand firmly over Tails' mouth and grabbed his arm with his other hand, pulling him to a standing position. All signs of inebriation were gone from the echidnas' body now as he dragged the fox, kicking and muffled screaming, to the bedroom side of the hangar. Picking him up and throwing him onto the bed, Knuckles jumped on top of him and placed one hand on the young foxes' chest, literally ripping his shirt off his body. Biting his neck, a bulge appeared in Knuckles' unbuttoned pants, and Tails, whose mouth was now uncovered, screamed, "Sonic! Someone!"

Knuckles removed his teeth from his victims' neck and screamed back, "Shut up!" before hitting him across the side of the head as hard as he could, dazing the fox. Unable to speak, he stared at the ceiling, vision blurring, as he felt his pants slide off his waist.

After this point, whether from the head injury or a gift from God Himself, Tails remembered nothing.

A few weeks passed and nobody had heard from the young fox. By this point there were search parties all over Westopolis, one of which was headed by a seemingly innocent Knuckles, and everyone feared the worst. By the end of this period, a funeral was scheduled for August, 18th. In truth, Tails had fled to the outskirts of town, living with a kind, blind woman named Thelma who had let him into her home, desiring company. Drinking himself into oblivion from sunup to sundown, he remembers nothing of this time until, eventually, he was discovered by chance by an ecstatic Sonic and Amy.

Tails told the blue hedgehog nothing of his rapists' identity, saying only it was an older man; he continued to see the red echidna from day to day for months before finally alerting the police (but not his friends), and drank every day without fail for over a year. After receiving a restraining order against Knuckles, he opened up to Sonic only about the restraining order, but declined going into details; Sonic put the pieces together and immediately cut all ties to the echidna, and most of their friends did the same shortly thereafter. Shadow the Hedgehog, however, was deep in his isolation and drinking, and knew nothing of any of this; nobody bothered to fill the apathetic asshole in.

Knuckles was almost 35 years old when the assault had happened.

Tails was just 19.

* * *

Slowly coming to his senses, Tails glanced at Shadow with wide eyes. Shadow had tears streaming down his face and had his phone in his hand, though nobody was on the other end; the hedgehog hadn't'd been sure who to call.

Shakily, the fox said, "I'm sorry," before continuing to sob uncontrollably for the second time that day.

Shadow whispered, "It's okay," before hesitantly placing a hand on Tails' shoulder. The fox tensed for a second, then relaxed and grabbed the hand with his own, squeezing it.

Gaining control of his crying, Tails hic-cupped and whispered softly, "Thank you for staying with me."

"Of course…" came a softer reply. "I would never leave you."

Unsure of what to do, the two sat in silence for a few minutes. Finally, Tails sat up in bed and grabbed a pillow, holding it tightly around his chest. He looked at Shadow with fear lingering in his eyes and said, in an inaudible whisper, "Don't let me hurt myself," before burying his head in the pillow, gripping it tightly.

Shadow, having read his boyfriends' lips perfectly, scooted himself closer and wrapped his arm around him, comforting him. In silence they sat for over an hour, listening to each other breath, and the hedgehogs' mind was relatively blank. Feeling himself doze, Shadow pushed back the covers to the bed and climbed inside; Tails did the same. As they felt their legs brush against one another, they both instinctively moved in closer. Wrapping his legs around Shadows' body, the young fox held his new boyfriend tightly and lay his head on the hedgehogs' chest before nodding off. The last thing he remembered before losing his consciousness to the enveloping embrace of sleep was the scent of Shadow, a mixture of cigarettes and unique cologne, and the hedgehogs' sweet, drowsy words drifting through the air.

"I love you."

 **Author's Note II:**

I'm truly sorry for how graphic the story has gotten, I really didn't intend it to be this way when I started. That being said, I hope you liked it, and… Well…

This is nearly goodbye.

There will probably only be one or two more chapters after this. If you really liked the story, follow my author tag and watch for new stuff; you can bet I'll be posting a lot more frequently and regularly than years past, and may even finish a few old stories.


	8. Chapter 8

Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened To Me. Eventually.

MaturePopcorn

 **Description:**

Shadow despises his job and everything about it. Though a hard alcoholic for many years, his drinking has significantly picked up recently. Once fired for drinking on the job, the heavy alcoholism continues, somehow even stronger, ultimately leading to trouble. Through his journey of recovery, he changes his outlook on life and incredible things begin to happen. Drama and angst, this is the most _mature_ fanfiction I've ever written, about the struggles of alcoholism and recovery; it is meant for older viewers.

 **Warning:**

Finally, not too much graphic detail… Though this is a sadder chapter at parts.

 **Author's Note I:**

My therapist has informed me that writing 40,000 words in five days may not be healthy. Whoops.

I've decided that one or two more chapters aren't enough, so I'm making the story longer. Probably about five or six chapters longer. Hope that isn't a problem ;)

~Hannah~

Chapter 008

*Eight Months Later*

"You want me to _apologize_ to _Knuckles_?" Shadow snarled, furious.

Nate sighed. It had been over an hour, and he had been explaining AA's ninth step to Shadow patiently, over and over, making sure to leave nothing out. When the hedgehog finally seemed to grasp the _full_ implications of it all, he became angry and irritable; making amends to all he had harmed had to include apologizing for breaking the red echidnas' arm.

The tall man answered plainly, leaning back in his chair, "Yes, Shadow, I do. The ninth step states we make direct amends to such people, in reference to all those we had harmed, wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. You don't have to go alone, but-"

"I refuse."

Nate looked up at the celling of the coffee shop they had sat in many times before. He had half expected this, and was about to delve into an explanation about why that was a bad idea when the hedgehog cut him off, adding, "After what he did?" He scoffed, continuing, "That creature deserves worse than death."

In the past eight months, Shadow the Hedgehog had been going to AA twice a week and was taking the program very seriously; he had also completed his outpatient program and had gone to court for his DUI. He had even asked Nate, his home group's secretary, to sponsor him; the man had accepted graciously and happily. They had worked his first eight steps together, the last of which was somewhat difficult for the hedgehog, and now it was time to continue onto his ninth.

Also during this time, Shadow and Tails had grown extremely close. They had moved the second bed from their room into storage and, now openly dating to all their friends, they ate together, slept together, and really did everything imaginable together. Shadow spent his lunch breaks at work chatting with the fox, and they never seemed to run out of things to talk about. In the few months prior, they had given intimacy another try with mixed results; they would get as far as making out, sometimes shirtless, before Tails would request that they stop. Shadow would always immediately oblige, and cuddle the fox afterwards until they fell asleep.

Now, thinking of his boyfriends' assailant, Shadows' blood began to boil; he had attempted to put the echidna out of his mind since the grocery store incident with varying results.

Nate finally found a moment of silence and took the opportunity to speak again, saying, "Look, Shadow, I understand. Not totally, but I get it; I do. But Tails has finished his ninth step twice already, and he had to make some unsavory apologies too." He took a deep breath and continued, "Some of them were pretty nasty people."

Shadow glared back. "Yeah, that's sweet. None of those people were _rapists_ ," he growled, his sentences sharp and with malice dripping off the final word.

The hedgehogs' sponsor looked on with eyes full of understanding and compassion. He sighed, "Usually, I make my sponsees do the hardest amends first, but I'll make an exception this time. That's my compromise; you still have to do it, but you don't have to do it now."

Shadow glared out the window. "Whatever," he mumbled, with no intention of following through on this compromise.

A few more minutes of conversation went by, and then they reviewed Shadows' eighth step list once more. As they finally finished up their meeting and packed up their things, Shadow went up to the counter and ordered a large espresso. Nate was about to leave when he held the door open for a stranger and said, "After you," and Shadow caught a glimpse of green out of the corner of his eye. The next thing he heard from the direction of the door was a light buzzing.

Whipping his head silently, he immediately discovered the newest guests to the coffee shop were Vector and Charmy. His heart sank, and his now freer emotions allowed him to grow sad at the noticeable absence of their third group member, Espio. Not noticing the hedgehog, they sat down, facing away from him and towards a wall, and Vector began to read a newspaper; Charmy put on headphones and started bobbing his head to music.

Shadow sighed in relief. He could easily sneak out of the store without being spotted and avoid a confrontation; the _last_ thing he wanted was to make a scene with arguably his least favorite people.

As the woman behind the counter handed him his drink, he turned to leave before spotting Nate sitting in his car out front. He hadn't'd pulled away yet, and as the two made eye contact, the hedgehogs' sponsor looked at him expectantly, raising his eyebrows. He mouthed, "Starting now," before pointing and starting the car. Glancing at the crocodile and the bee, he groaned. He realized that his ninth step had already started, and Nate was going to find out one way or another if he was truthful in it or not.

Gathering his courage and strength, Shadow slowly and timidly walked over to their table, where he was first noticed by Charmy. For as annoying as Shadow found him, he was glad the bee was there; he didn't want to deal with Vector alone. Charmy was initially confused to see the hedgehog walking _towards_ them, then frowned. His eyes betrayed a rare flash of sadness and resentment before returning to normal, and Charmy tried his best to sound optimistic.

"Hey Shadow, I haven't seen you in a while. What's up?"

Vector immediately slammed his paper to the table, startling a few patrons around him. Eyes flashing rage, he stood and was on the verge of swinging his arm back when Charmy held his forearm and shook his head. The crocodile forced himself to breathe deeply and sat back down shakily. Eyebrows twitching, he angrily whispered, "What do _you_ want?"

Shadow closed his eyes. "I'm sorry," he began, but quickly found himself unable to speak another word.

Vector scoffed in response, "Oh, you're sorry, are you?" and was about to lash out at the hedgehog, but Charmy cut him off.

"Vector, wait. Let him speak; maybe he has something important to say."

"No, Charmy, you wait," the crocodile snarled in response, and the bee frowned in disappointment. Continuing in a louder voice, he said, "You've always been too damn kind to people that don't deserve it, and this time _I'll_ be doing the talking. This freak," he yelled, pointing to Shadow, "is the reason Espio, _your_ friend, is _dead;_ it's his fault that child is fatherless, just like he was!" By the time he had finished, he was once again standing, and everyone in the café had turned to stare intently at the scene. Shadow could swear he heard a pin drop in the kitchen, and the crocodiles' harsh, angry breathing filled the silent room.

Shadow, unsure of what to say, glanced out the window to see if his sponsor had noticed the commotion, but Nate had already driven off. He took a shaky breath and, trying to find common ground, whispered, "I was fatherless too, y'know."

This only infuriated the crocodile further. "If it weren't for my kids, I'd kill you right here and now," Vector snarled. "Everything negative in my life, I trace back to you, hedgehog. If I ever see you again you can be sure it won't be pretty for you." Charmy stiffened as Vector took a step towards Shadow but, hesitating as if thinking of the consequences, he instead headed for the door, kicking it open forcefully. Leaving, he snorted in anger and headed towards his car.

Charmy looked at Shadow with a mixture of apology and still more resentment in his eyes. The bee was much more forgiving than the crocodile, but Espio's death had left a lasting impact on him that would only fade over time, never truly leaving him. He sighed, speaking clearly but quietly, "I'm still here to listen, if you'd like to continue."

The hedgehog hesitated. He didn't have much to say to Charmy, other than to apologize for Espio; it was Vector he had the most to say to. Ignoring the deafening silence of the room, he shakily repeated his opening line of, "I'm sorry," before continuing, "For everything. For Espio's death, for not being there, and for everything else I've ever put you through as a friend... If you even consider me one." He paused, before drawing in another shaky breath and saying, "I'd like to talk to you at a later date, in more detail about everything. I want to find a way to try and make up my behavior to you."

Charmy took this in and nodded. "I can forgive you for everything except Espio. He was like a brother to me, and I'll never forget what you did." Shadow opened his mouth to respond, but the bee continued, smiling weakly, "That being said, I'd like very much to meet in the future and repair our friendship. It means a lot to me that you'd even be bothered to try and make amends."

Shadow was a little surprised. He hadn't'd expected his first apology to go over so well, and breathed a sigh of relief. He wasn't done, however. He added in a whisper, after a moment of silence, "Will you pass a message along to Vector?"

Charmy nodded. "I think I know exactly what you want me to say, and I will. Thank you, Shadow."

When Shadow the Hedgehog had been 18 years old, he had introduced his then new friend Vector the Crocodile to a store in East Westopolis called We Know. Though Vector was 25 and could buy his own liquor legally, he enjoyed the stories Shadow told about his adventures with the store, and the two frequented it for a while. One day, however, a man on the sidewalk in front of We Know offered Vector cocaine, and when he hesitated, Shadow accepted for him. The two did a line each, and their stories are very different. The hedgehog decided he hated the stuff and never did it again. The crocodile became hooked, eventually falling for harder and harder drugs, going to jail, losing custody of his kids for a short period, and losing his job. He blamed Shadow entirely for all of this, tracing his situation back to that one day. Though clean for several years now, he vowed long ago to never forgive the hedgehog.

Shadow blinked away a couple tears forming in his eyes and nodded back, saying, "I'll be in touch, Charmy."

As he walked towards the door, drink in hand, he heard a, "Wait, Shadow," and he obliged, turning around. Charmy walked up to him and hugged him gently, whispering, "Take good care of Tails." Releasing the hedgehog, he put his headphones back on and waved awkwardly, sitting back in his chair.

* * *

A couple days passed, and Shadow had gotten into the swing of apologizing to everyone he had ever harmed. After Charmy, he had moved on to Sonic, then Amy, and now it was time for him to formally apologize to Hannah.

As he pulled on his work clothes, careful not to wake a still sleeping Tails, he rehearsed his prepared speech in his head. He wanted to get this just right; he had grown to really like and respect his employer, especially now knowing she had gone through a very similar story to him. He finished getting dressed and walked into the kitchen and, glancing at the clock, sighed in relief. He had woken up plenty early today as he wanted to get to work and catch Hannah before the day had officially started. He still had plenty of time.

As he prepared breakfast as quietly as possible, he heard a door creak open from down the hallway. He smiled to himself and turned to face the doorway, waiting. Before long, Tails appeared, rubbing his bleary eyes sleepily and yawning. He sniffed, "Shadow, it's barely four in the morning… Why are you awake?" Shadow explained the situation to Tails, and the fox smiled sweetly, a little more alert now. "I'm proud of you. Really; I'm glad you're taking all this so seriously," he said, shuffling his tired feet over to the hedgehog. As Shadow turned towards the stove to flip his eggs, Tails wrapped his arms around him from behind and sighed, "I love you," before burying the side of his face into Shadows' back.

Shadow finally had it all; the house (or apartment), the job, the lover, everything he had always dreamed of. For the first time in his life since he had started drinking all the way back in 2007, he felt truly happy, and all of life's anxieties melted away in this single blissful moment. He didn't feel any premonitions of bad things to come; it felt like things would finally go his way.

Tails stayed awake with Shadow and the two ate in a sleepy silence. When he finished, he washed his dishes, said goodbye, and set out to work.

Shadow had still not gotten his license back; nor did he have anything to drive. He had to go to a special DUI driving class, which he had already started at Tails' urging, for an additional four months before he would be allowed to drive again, and even then he would have to save his money for another motorcycle. So he waited patiently at the bus stop just a block from he and the foxes' shared apartment, and when one arrived he discovered he was, surprisingly, not the only passenger.

A man in his 60's or so with scraggly facial hair and dirty clothes sat at the back of the bus, passed out, holding an empty bottle of whiskey. As Shadow boarded the bus and paid his fare, he grimaced. The memories of countless days came flooding back to him in which he had seen his mother in the same position on their couch, unable to move until noon. He sat as far from the man as possible, in the front of the bus, and thanked the universe that the man wasn't him. He felt bad; he truly would have liked to help, but it wasn't his place; besides, the man could be aggressive. He decided to behave like a bystander and pretend the man didn't exist.

Upon arriving to work at 4:45am, Shadow boarded the elevator and ran into the old receptionist whose name he had never bothered to learn. Feeling cheerful, he said, "Hi, I'm Shadow," and extended a hand to the woman.

She eyed him warily before finally replying, "Hello, my name is Samantha." Pausing as if recalling some distant memory, she bluntly asked, "Weren't you fired a little over a year ago?"

The hedgehog chuckled. "Yeah, I was, but I got my job back," he said, remembering her as well. He continued, "It's a long story, but me and my boss are pretty good friends."

Samantha smiled. "Well," she said, finally accepting his hand to shake it, "It's certainly nice to see you doing better."

The elevator stopped at the seventh floor, and he said goodbye to the receptionist. Continuing his journey to the top floor, he stepped out and made his way to his cubicle, setting his things down. He quickly realized he was the only person in the office, so he sat and waited for Hannah to arrive, knowing she was always one of the first people in the building besides cleaners and receptionists.

Finally, 15 minutes had passed when the elevator dinged and the tall brunette woman stepped out. His heart fluttered anxiously; he saw her every day at work and once a week at his home group AA meeting, but was nonetheless nervous about what he was about to do.

He walked up to her as she was about to enter her office and startled her. "Oh, Shadow, God you scared me; I'm usually the first person here." Tilting her head, she inquired, "Why are you here so early?"

Shadow opened his mouth, but nothing more than a squeak came out. A tear rolled down his cheek, and he began to cry, though no sound came out of his still open mouth. Hannah, bewildered, tentatively placed a hand on Shadows' shoulder and said, "Shhh, hey, it's alright," before bending down and setting her things on the floor without taking her eyes off her employee. She soothed the hedgehog and continued, "Why don't you come in my office?"

Following her inside, Shadow had begun to collect his emotions. He was a little surprised at himself; he hadn't'd cried to Sonic or Amy, why would his boss be any different? For some unknown reason, the memory of the day he was fired came rushing into his mind, and he was able to calm himself. This time was different; this was going to be a positive conversation.

Sitting in a chair across from Hannah's desk, he sniffled and wiped his face with his hand. Hannah joked, "Gross," before growing more serious again and asking, "What's up, Shadow? What can I do for you?"

Shadow began his prepared speech, "I'd like to apologize; not only for drinking on the job and coming in increasingly late, but drinking around you. I had no idea you were in AA, and…" he faltered, then continued, breaking away from his speech. "I knew your son was in AA. That should have been enough for me to keep my drinking at home, but I was so selfish and addicted that I didn't care about what you thought or especially felt. I took you and your patience and kindness for granted for so long, and when you showed nothing but more patience, I told you to 'fuck off'. I'm surprised you didn't fire me sooner." He was crying again, but this time had been able to hold his voice together more; though quivering, it did not give out as he continued, "You have been the best boss I could have ever asked for, and I wish I had gotten to know you better. I'm so, so sorry for everything and I'd like to do anything possible to make it up to you."

Hannah wiped a tear from her own eye, smiling sweetly. "Oh, Shadow, you already have. You've been working so hard these last eight months, and you've been handling your business outside of work very well," she said gently. She walked around her desk and grabbed the still crying hedgehogs' hands, clasping it with both of hers. "You've done more than enough in my mind. Thank you."

Shadow nodded, then shook his head in turn. He spoke firmly as he returned, "No, I don't think I have done enough." He thought hard for a moment and, remembering something, continued, "Your son just turned 18, didn't he?"

Hannah tilted her head and nodded slowly, a little concerned. Where was the hedgehog going with this?

Taking a deep breath, he spoke quickly and without thinking, surprising even himself. Shadow said, "I'd like to sponsor him."

Hannah blinked. Of all the things the hedgehog could have said to her, that was arguably the most surprising. She slowly responded, "Well… I mean, I'm not saying no, I just…" She hesitated. "You only have eight months clean yourself, and you're only on step nine. Usually to be a sponsor it's recommended you're more like a year or two clean, with all the steps done at least once."

Shadow quickly added, "Please, I want to help someone. Especially if it would help you, but really I just want other people to feel the way I do. I'm happy for the first time in years, and…" He trailed off, not sure of what else to say.

Hannah let go of Shadows' hands as two more employees got out of the elevator. She said, "You'll have to let me think about it. Plus, he may not even want to. He, ah… He isn't fond of AA…" She paused, pursing her lips. "I doubt he even knows he's an alcoholic."

"But that's what I'm saying," Shadow responded, more confident this time. "I thought for a long time I wasn't, and refused to believe it. I can help him." He wasn't sure why he was being so adamant about sponsoring; the thought had never crossed his mind before. He did, however, want to make it up to Hannah in any way he could. Shadow took a deep breath, relaxing himself before changing the subject back to his apology. "Thank you for everything, and for not giving up on me."

Hannah smiled gently and nodded, another tear rolling down her cheek. "Of course, Shadow. And I promise I'll at least talk to Robert about the sponsorship."

The hedgehog nodded, and returned to his computer, beginning another day of work.

* * *

"Are you sure you wanna do this? You haven't seen her in years, you said…"

"Yeah, Tails, I'm sure. I need to apologize, and I kinda miss the crazy old woman."

Shadow and Tails were in their apartment that evening, discussing the hedgehogs' ninth step. The fox had agreed that he was doing a great job so far, though was a little apprehensive about the idea of Shadow being a sponsor so early in recovery. Not wanting to discourage his boyfriend, however, he had supported him in any decision he decided to make, only hoping it was ultimately the right path. This had led them to the topic of the next person on Shadows' list of apologies: his mother.

The hedgehog hadn't'd seen his mother in years, not since he was 20, and as far as Tails knew had almost no relationship to speak of with her. They ate dinner in relative silence, vaguely paying attention to some show about a preacher, his girlfriend and an Irish vampire. When the show ended, the news came on, and Tails tuned out. Now alone with his thoughts, he imagined all the possible ways tomorrow could end badly. _"What if she ignores him? What if she's drunk? What if, God forbid, things get physical?"_ He also knew that towards the end of his life in her house, Shadow and his mother had fought a lot. Once, he heard a story where Shadow had been threatened with a broken bottle. He desperately didn't want _that_ of all things.

As they finished dinner and cleared their plates, the fox began to grow increasingly anxious about the following day. He debated whether he should try to talk Shadow out of it, but he knew he couldn't; it was his ninth step, after all.

Finally the two went to bed, and the fox curled up next to the hedgehog for warmth. Placing an arm tenderly around his boyfriend, Shadow rolled over onto his side and snuggled in closer, nuzzling his head into Tails' neck. He whispered softly, "I really do love you, you adorable little fox," before nodding off rather quickly. Tails blushed and smiled genuinely, eyes closing slowly.

"The feeling's mutual," he whispered back to the sleeping hedgehog.

The next day, they ate breakfast slowly and lounged on the couch for a while, Tails in pajama shorts and one of Shadows' too big tee-shirts, Shadow in pajama pants with no shirt. It was Saturday, and they were in no rush to head over to the hedgehogs' mother's place of residency; they were, after all, coming over unannounced.

Finally, around noon, the duo got changed, headed out of the building, and made their way to the lobby. Shadow looked at Tails a little apprehensively before asking, "Wanna go to lunch before we set out?"

The fox nodded, grateful to put this off as long as possible. They walked down the street to The Capitol Café, where they had become regulars over recent months, and sat down. A waiter by the name of Max came up to their table and took their drink orders, informing them that she was out of town for the weekend; Shadow had wanted to say hello, but internally shrugged, knowing there would be more opportunities.

Tails stared at Shadow for a long while, silent. The hedgehog didn't seem to notice at first, blankly staring out the window, but when he finally did he sighed. Seeming to read the foxes' mind, he answered Tails' burning question before it had even been asked. "Yes, Tails, we're doing this today, unannounced. It's the only way I'm gonna have the courage to."

Tails sighed back. "I understand, Shadow… It's just," he began before trailing off. He shook his head, instead saying, "No, you're right. I'm glad you're doing this, and I'm honored you want me as support."

The foxes' boyfriend stared back lovingly, responding, "Of course. I can't think of anyone else I'd want here with me."

Max returned about ten minutes later with, not only their drinks, but their usual orders of Avocado burger with chipotle sauce and BLT with aioli; they had exclusively ordered these two things every time they came, and the staff had caught on, never bothering to give the two menus anymore. They ate the delicious meal happily, and Tails was even able to forget about the looming event for a while. The check came, Shadow paid (after a minor skirmish for the receipt), and they left the building, making their way back to Tails' car.

They got in and drove in deadly silence, save for Shadow giving directions. They crossed the freeway into the east side, then entered sprawling suburbia. The further they got from Westopolis proper, the less unkempt the houses looked, and Tails was concerned they weren't in the best side of town anymore. As they passed a high school, Shadow whistled, then commented sarcastically, "I'm surprised that place hasn't been burned down yet." When Tails didn't laugh, he added, muttering, "Hey, it's just a joke…"

Finally they arrived at their destination. Tails looked up and furrowed his brow in confusion, asking, "Hon, are you sure this is the right address?" Shadow was already exiting the car, shakily lighting a cigarette. When he didn't answer, Tails put the pieces together. They had parked at a Catholic cemetery.

Slowly getting out of the car and walking around to his boyfriend, he silently placed a hand on the hedgehogs' shoulder. In stoic solidarity, Shadow puffed his cigarette and finally answered shortly, "Yup, this is it."

Tails inquired softly and gently, "Why didn't you tell me?" to which Shadow simply shrugged, looking away at the ground. The fox pursed his lips and continued in a whisper, "I always did wonder why you never talked about her."

Shadow sighed. The hard truth was that his mother had died just over four years ago at the age of 48. She had been walking down the street to the gas station for beer after having not drank in two days when she had one of the worst series of seizures the paramedics had ever seen. She died in the ambulance en route to the very hospital Shadow had been born in and was unable to be revived. Shadow had received a call a mere two hours after her death and, having not spoken to her in two years, simply snorted in response and hung up the phone before drinking himself to sleep for a week. Now, after four long and twisting years, Shadow finally understood what she had gone through in her constant drinking and wanted desperately to bring her back.

He put out his cigarette and walked up to the gates of the cemetery slowly and methodically, putting one foot in front of the other so carefully as not to fall in his emotional state. His vision blurred with tears as he walked through the gravestones, Tails close behind him, to the correct isle before turning down and finally finding the correct epitaph.

McKenzie K. Williamson

1966 – 2014

"Loved by many, known by few, may her troubled soul finally find peace"

Hard, wet drops of water hit the white stone laid in front of the gravestone. Shadow allowed tears to flow freely now. Shadows' voice quivered slightly as he spoke, soft and gentle, "Hey mom. It's been a while; six years, actually. I wanted you to know that your boy's all grown up. I even had a boyfriend now." At this, Tails tentatively knelt down next to the hedgehog, looking at him through the side of his eyes. "I know that might surprise you, but I hope you take that for what it is. I love him," he added plainly before continuing, "I came here for a reason, though. I came here to apologize for everything. For the lying, the stealing, the fighting, and most importantly for not loving you enough. I know it's hard for us to admit, being the way we are, but I truly do love and miss you. I only wish I had gotten to know you better." He paused, and produced a single, 3oz bottle of Tamdhu Whiskey, setting it by her grave. The bottle, though laughably small, had set Shadow back a solid $50; it was the most expensive brand he could find. Tails gritted his teeth; though he thought it irresponsible for his boyfriend to possess such liquids anymore, he understood and appreciated the gesture.

Shadow continued, now laughing a little through the tears, "I hope you enjoy your gift, 'cause it wasn't cheap; though you've never been much of a flower person, now have you?" He stood, pulling another cigarette out of his pocket and lighting it, saying, "I promise I'll visit more often from now on. I can fill you in on the last however many years, and the many years to come." Turning to the side, he held out his hand to Tails and the fox obliged, holding it gently. Shadow left the gravesite by saying, "Come on, honey. Let's go."

Tails hesitated, asking, "Are you sure? We can stay a little longer if you'd want."

Shadow shook his head and smiled, tears still flowing down his cheeks. "I said what I came here to say," he stated simply. He and his mother had never been one for long conversations, and he didn't expect that to change in death. Tails nodded, and the two walked off towards their car, ready for the 45 minute drive back home. Upon reaching the gate, Shadow turned once, sniffed, and waved goodbye before getting in the car; the two drove home, feeling as though a weight was gone from their shoulders.

 **Author's Note II:**

Well, I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter… Chapter eight will be out soon-ish, expect it sometime around Wednesday; I'm in the process of transferring from one rehab to another, so I may not be able to write for a couple days. That being said, and as mentioned in Author's Note I, I'll be writing a few more chapters after this one, if not more. Thank you for your continued support in the story!


	9. Chapter 9

Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened To Me. Eventually.

MaturePopcorn

 **Description:**

Shadow despises his job and everything about it. Though a hard alcoholic for many years, his drinking has significantly picked up recently. Once fired for drinking on the job, the heavy alcoholism continues, somehow even stronger, ultimately leading to trouble. Through his journey of recovery, he changes his outlook on life and incredible things begin to happen. Drama and angst, this is the most _mature_ fanfiction I've ever written, about the struggles of alcoholism and recovery; it is meant for older viewers.

 **Warning:**

 **There is a** _**GRAPHIC**_ **gay sex scene in this chapter,** but the second half is plot-heavy and sad, so if you don't like the gay shit just skip halfway through. You have been warned. Love you! lol

 **Author's Note I:**

Lol that warning is interesting, isn't it? Anyway, here's that sex scene I thought I'd never actually get around to. If I may be so honest, I thought this story would die out around 3 chapters, 10,000 words max. That's been my track record. I'm so glad this isn't the case and that this story is flourishing all the way at chapter 9 after 44,000 words. More than that, I am super thankful and grateful for all of your support and honesty. It means a lot, and your reviews have quite literally quenched my anxieties at times. Thank you all.

~Hannah~

Chapter 009

"Fuck you, faggot ass bitch."

Shadow's eye twitched, and he inhaled sharply. Unable to do much to the person in front of him, he simply closed his eyes and exhaled, forcing himself to remain calm. He had been at his boss Hannah's house for all of five minutes, attempting to begin Robert's first step. He was about to respond when the tall woman came around the corner and interjected, "Hey! I know I said I'd leave you two alone, but Jesus, Robert, watch your language and be nicer to your sponsor."

"I only agreed to this because you said I had to have a sponsor at all to live here, and Shadow's the only person I found remotely cool," Robert responded, glaring at the hedgehog. "Before today, when I found out he was _gay_ ,anyway."

"And what's wrong with being gay?" Hannah shot back coolly. It was common knowledge Hannah was bisexual, and had tried to raise her only child to love and respect all. Somehow, whether through his troubled friends or the juvenile hall he frequented, she had failed. Robert was staunchly homophobic.

He dropped his voice into a sickeningly sweet, high-pitched mockery, replying, "Nothing, mother dearest."

Hannah's eyes clouded with sadness. She turned her head and said, "Get along and do what he says," before heading back to her home office.

Robert sneered, "What are you gonna make me do, suck your dick?"

Shadow finally opened his eyes, staring at the celling, and gritted his teeth. _"Why did I feel the need to sponsor this kid again?"_ After a few moments of silence, the hedgehog responded, through still gritted teeth, "Nothing of the sort. We're going to start your first step; it's arguably the easiest one, so be grateful." The kid in front of Shadow snorted. He _was_ just a kid, really; at just barely 18, he already had multiple tattoos and two non-injury car crash DUI's. Shadow felt horribly sorry for him, and he looked forward to the day when Robert had learned to stay sober. He didn't want this _kid_ to go down the path of his mother, or worse, end up in prison. When Robert said nothing in response, Shadow continued, "Step one states as follows: 'We admitted we were powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unnamable'. What does that mean to you?"

Robert narrowed his eyes in anger. "Don't test me, hedgehog."

"I asked you what it meant to you."

"It means nothing to me," the boy said coldly. "I'm not a fucking alcoholic like you or the bitch behind me. I _can_ manage myself; it's a shame you can't." Malice and anger dripped from his speech, and he stood from the couch as though to leave.

"Sit down, we're not done yet." Shadow was growing impatient; he had met the boy once at a workplace Christmas party at the bank, and he knew how impulsive and rude the he could be. "I'm not leaving your mother's house until you're done with your first step."

Robert laughed, then responded in a flat voice as if to mock the hedgehog, "Then you better get your faggoty boyfriend to bring your shit to the spare bedroom; I ain't goin' nowhere." With that, he turned and walked up the carpeted spiral staircase in the center of the foyer, pounding each step, until he arrived at his room. He kicked the door open, waltzed in, and slammed the door shut. Shadow could hear loud and angry rap music booming through the house a moment later.

He sighed, rubbing his temples. He debated going up to the boy's room, then thought better of it. The last thing he wanted was Robert making a rape joke, or worse, getting physical with the hedgehog; he didn't know if he would be able to hold his arm back in either situation. Instead, he stood from the loveseat and walked down the hallway into Hannah's office, knocking on the open door.

Without turning from her computer, Robert's mom sighed, "I know, Shadow. I heard everything. You can go; we'll try again another day."

"Look, I'm really sorry-"

"It's not your fault," she cut him off, swiveling her chair to face the hedgehog. He was surprised to see she had been crying, and she whispered, "It's mine."

Shadow frowned and shot back, "No, it's not. It's nobody's fault; maybe one day he'll come around and change his attitude."

Hannah shook her head in response. "I'm scared by then it might be too late. He's gotten two DUI's; one more and he's gone for a long time. I try to make sure he doesn't drink, or at _least_ drink and drive, but somehow he finds a way to get in his friends' cars and total them. I don't know what else to do, Shadow… I'm so scared of losing him," she finished, tears spilling over her cheeks and onto her legs.

Shadow blinked. He hadn't'd expected his boss to become so emotional or open with her thoughts and feelings. He was about to say something when the rap music got louder, shaking the walls of the large house.

Hannah closed her eyes and breathed deeply through her nose. Standing, she walked over and gave the hedgehog a hug, speaking loud enough over the music, "Go home, Shadow. We'll try again another day." Then, uncoupling, she walked out the door and pounded up the stairs. Not wanting to witness a fight between the fragile woman and her asshole of a son, he quickly returned to the living room, gathered his things, and left.

Shadow reached into his phone and called his boyfriend, who picked up on the fourth ring. "Hello?"

"Hey babe… Can you come get me?"

The line was silent for a moment before Tails slowly responded, "I've barely settled in to this coffee shop; they haven't even called my order yet. You can't possibly be done already, can you?"

Shadow sighed and explained the situation to the fox, and Tails responded, "I'll be there in a few minutes," before adding, "Shadow, it's not your fault. Stay strong, okay? I love you."

The black and red hedgehog blinked away a couple tears forming in his eyes. "I love you, too," he responded, and hung up, lighting a cigarette. He sat on the curb and waited for about five minutes before Tails' orange Mercedes rolled up right as he was stomping out his smoke. He climbed in and groaned.

"Hey, it'll be okay," Shadow's boyfriend said gently. "One day he'll come around, and you'll get a great ninth step apology out of it."

Shadow chuckled sadly. "Maybe you're right, Tails. Maybe…" he replied, trailing off.

The two drove home in silence, and upon arriving, Shadow promptly flopped onto the couch, dejected. The evening sun shone on his face as Tails walked over and mock-pouted at him, teasing, "Come on, mopey-butt. I know what'll cheer you up."

Shadow snorted, jokingly responding, "What, a drink?"

Tails smiled sweetly, replying, "Better than that, I hope." He got on the couch, laying across the hedgehog, and pressed his lips to his boyfriends'. Shadow widened his eyes slightly, then closed them. He hadn't'd expected this, but he wasn't exactly complaining. Parting his mouth slightly so as to slip his tongue into the foxes' mouth, Tails moaned softly. He found his hand moving on its own, grabbing the foxes' ass and squeezing. Tails pressed his body into Shadows' and the two made out silently for a few minutes before Shadow took his face away from his boyfriends', grinning widely.

Grabbing the bottom of Tails' shirt, he slid it up and over his head, leaving the fox bare-chested and blushing. His eyes naturally fell upon Tails' arm; though he hadn't'd self-harmed in the past eight months, the scars he had left were white and thick; Shadow doubted he would ever get used to them. The fox noticed the direction of the hedgehogs' gaze and attempted to move his arm, obscuring the lines. Shadow instead grabbed Tails' wrist and brought the forearm to his face, kissing it gently.

As his eyes began to water, Tails smiled softly. He sighed and leaned down, nuzzling his head into the crook of Shadows' neck. He lifted his face and gazed deeply into the hedgehogs' eyes, his own full of love. Gently, barely audible, he whispered, "Why don't we take this to the bedroom?"

Shadow shot Tails a look of love and lust, and, picking up the fox bridal style like he had done so many months ago, obliged, carrying him into their bedroom. Gently placing him on the bed and climbing up next to him, Shadow removed his own shirt, revealing a scar of his own; just under his rib cage, a thin white line stretched across the left flank of Shadows' chest. The surgery he had received after his motorcycle crash had left a lasting impact on the hedgehog, not only mentally but physically as well. He was almost proud of it. It reminded him one of the many reasons he stayed sober.

Bringing his head down to Tails' neck, he gently bit down, earning a moan of pleasure from the fox. Shadow had learned early on from context clues alone that the fox enjoyed receiving hickeys, and he was more than happy to leave them. Tails grabbed Shadows' hand with his own and slowly guided it down to his pants, where he abandoned it for a moment to unbutton the jeans, then grabbed it again, gently placing it under the fabric. Over his underwear, Shadow could feel a bulge, and grinned around Tails' neck. They had never gone _this_ far before.

He rubbed the bulge slowly and gently, earning soft noises of pleasure from his boyfriend. He brought his mouth to the foxes' and began making out with him once more, this time even more passionately. He used his free hand to grab the waistband of Tails' jeans and slid them slowly down until they were around his knees. At this, the fox broke their kiss and rolled over onto his stomach, getting onto his hands and knees. He moved to the side then, pushing Shadow down playfully, got on top of him; the fox was in control now.

Sitting on Shadow's lap as the hedgehog lay flat on his back, Tails fiddled with the button to his boyfriend's pants and finally got it open. Without warning, he rapidly pulled down to his knees not only his pants but his underwear as well, leaving him totally naked and exposed.

Now freed, Shadows' erect circumcised cock shot straight in the air at an impressive seven inches long; Tails blushed madly, jealous of his boyfriend's length. His own was barely five inches long. As Shadow stuttered, blushing just as heavily, Tails wasted no time in bending his head down and licking the shaft before inserting it into his mouth.

The fox first noticed how surprisingly flavorless it was; he hadn't'd expected _that_. Though in truth, he didn't really know what he had expected. He hadn't'd really thought about it that deeply, allowing his body to move on its own. The hedgehog moaned loudly, gripping the bed sheets tightly; Tails had been his first kiss, and he had therefore never had this pleasant experience before. Breathing shakily, he bit his lower lip and grabbed the top of Tails' head with one hand, pushing it gently.

The fox obliged to this motion, pushing Shadows' member deeper into his mouth until it eventually hit the back of his throat with relative ease. Even Tails was surprised; he had no idea he lacked a gag reflex. Bobbing his head in an up-and-down motion slowly, he breathed a happy sigh through his nose.

This continued for about ten minutes until Shadow, wanting to please the fox as well, breathed out a, "Wait." When the fox took the rock-hard cock out of his mouth, Shadow took the opportunity to sit up straight, and Tails once again sat up on his lap. Smiling, he tilted his head to one side as his boyfriend continued, "I think it's my turn now," with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

Tails giggled, blushing again, and lay on his side next to the hedgehog, who did the same. Facing each other, faces bright red, the two began making out again as Shadow slipped Tails' briefs down around his knees; the foxes' jeans had fallen to his ankles. This revealed Tails' aforementioned five inch long, uncircumcised cock. They held each other's fully hard members gently yet firmly and began stroking each other, passion in their eyes as their tongues mixed around one another, saliva swapping until it was indistinguishable from one creature to the other.

Another ten minutes passed before Tails, arguably more sensitive than his boyfriend, broke their long-held kiss and moaned, "Sh-Shadow, I'm so close…" He gasped in pleasure and widened his eyes as, quicker than the hedgehog had expected, a thick white fluid exited the foxes' cock. It shot up, hitting them both on their chests in quick spurts, and Shadow found himself so unbelievably aroused that he was unable to stop himself from doing the same. Thoroughly covered, the two panted heavily, inches from each other, and they moaned softly and lovingly.

The two lay in their mess for a couple minutes, resting, before Shadow said, "I love you." It was all he wanted or needed to say; really, it was the only thing that needed to be said. He picked up Tails before the fox could respond and carried him into the bathroom. Setting him down on the toilet, he turned on the shower and chuckled, "This thing is big enough for both of us, right?"

Tails giggled heavily for a while before finally responding, "I guess we'll find out, won't we?"

The two cleaned themselves and each other off in a relatively quick shower, kissing multiple times throughout, before finally getting out and drying off. Leaving their clothes scattered between the bathroom and bedroom floors, they climbed into bed fully naked and immediately held each other as close as they could, embracing under the covers. Shadow, now extremely exhausted, heard the fox finally reply, "I love you, too," before he closed his eyes and slipped into a deep sleep that would last a full nine hours.

Knuckles hadn't'd crossed either of their minds once in the entire experience.

* * *

Shadow rolled into work approximately 15 minutes early the following morning and, finding Hannah's office empty, scratched his head. He sat at his cubicle for the 15 minutes before work officially started before standing and walking around to his co-worker, Keeta. He knocked gently on the walls of the makeshift office, getting her attention.

"Hey," he said to brunette woman with grey streaks. "Do you know where Hannah is today? She's never late."

Keeta thought for a moment and shook her head, responding, "Sorry, I don't. She didn't mention anything about going somewhere or anything yesterday; do you need to talk to her?"

Shadow shook his head as well, answering, "No, not really, I was just curious."

The woman said, "Well, why don't you call her? She might be with her son or something."

For some unknown reason, Shadow's heart sank a little in his chest. He had the overwhelming feeling that Robert was somehow involved. A little disoriented, he responded, "Uh, yeah, I'll try that. Thank you."

Keeta nodded and added, "Oh, some of us are getting together for lunch at a new place down the street, if you'd like to join."

Shadow smiled and nodded, saying, "Yeah, that'd be nice," before returning to his cubicle. He picked up his landline and dialed 9 followed by Hannah's number. It rang twice before going to voicemail. He frowned; the hedgehog knew she had his number saved in her contacts, and usually answered right away. He took a deep breath and attempted to calm his anxiety, regretting that second cup of coffee.

About a half hour into his work, the hedgehog leaned back and realized he could have easily done that amount of writing in five minutes. He was too distracted to do much of anything productive, and, making up his mind, gathered his things and headed towards the elevator.

Keeta heard him packing his bag and stood, calling, "Oh, Shadow, where are you going?"

The hedgehog called back as he pressed the down button, "I'm going to Hannah's house, I'm a little concerned, that's all. I'll be back by lunch."

The woman frowned, responding, "Oh, it's probably nothing. But do come back soon, we'd love to have you."

Shadow nodded and boarded the elevator. On his way down, two men got in on floor six, and the hedgehog eavesdropped on their conversation.

"…President of the bank, Miss. Hardle? Her son just got arrested for a DUI last night; that's what the news said anyway. Bond's set at $500,000."

The second man responded as Shadows' heart hit the floor, "No kidding. Poor woman, did he get hurt?"

The first man, who Shadow vaguely knew to be named Alex, "Yeah, a little, but it was his third one, and… Well, the driver of the other car he hit, father of two I think, didn't make it."

Shadow began silently hyperventilating, and when the elevator hit the first floor, he bolted out as fast as he could, sprinting for the entrance. Though yelled at by security to stop running, he didn't slow down; he couldn't. He hopped in the first taxi he saw, pushing an important looking man out of the way indignantly, and shouted, "Emergency," before practically yelling his boss' address at the driver.

The taxi arrived 20 minutes later, record time considering the distance, and Shadow quickly thanked the foreign man and pulled a $100 bill out of his wallet. Throwing it at him, he got out and sprinted for the door, knocking as loud and fast as he could.

Yelling through the thick door, he shouted, "Hannah, it's Shadow, open up!"

He was greeted with silence, and he rang the doorbell, then knocked again as hard as he possibly could, bruising his knuckles. Finally, the door slowly opened a few inches, and a voice quietly came through, "Sh-Shadow?"

Shadow apologized for his uninvited entry as he pushed the door open and, taking one look at his employer, sighed in deep regret. Why hadn't he watched the news last night and come sooner?

Hannah was dressed in a loosely tied bathrobe with underwear and a bra underneath, last nights' make-up streamed down her face. Her hair was in a loose bun, with strands sticking out everywhere, and Shadow smelled a familiar odor coming from the still crying woman.

White wine.

Cheap white wine, at that.

He said nothing, only hugging her as tightly as he could, and began crying himself. Though he had only been the boys' sponsor for a couple days, though they hadn't'd even gotten through his first step, and though he had only taken him to one AA meeting ever, Shadow felt like a failure. Knowing this, he quickly realized that this must be magnified a thousand fold on Hannah, who deeply loved her flawed and only son, and she couldn't contain the sobs that wracked her body. Feeling them flow through his, he whispered in her ear, "I'm sorry." The apology had a dual meaning; he was sorry for the situation, any caring parents' worst nightmare, and he was sorry for failing.

Hannah shakily slurred between sobs, "When I got there, there was so much blood. I didn't know if he was even alive at first, and when the cops told me the other driver didn't make it, I just…" She trailed off, body convulsing violently in Shadow's arms. Finding her voice, she finally continued, "He wasn't drunk."

Shadow moved his head back in surprise, looking Hannah in the eyes. "The news said-"

"The news said it was a DUI," she said, cutting him off, eyes clouding over. "He was high out of his mind on meth."

Shadow felt his body go numb. "I-I had no idea…"

Hannah's face screwed up in overwhelming grief. "Neither did I…" she choked out, her voice no more than a high pitched squeak. Sobbing uncontrollably again, Shadow uncoupled slowly and grabbed her hand, guiding her to the very couch Robert had sat at just yesterday. Hannah leaned her head back, hitting the wall forcefully, and moaned loudly, still crying profusely.

Shadows' eyes fell upon a picture hanging on the wall above the fireplace. Looking four years old, maybe five, a young Robert was smiling as Hannah, younger looking as well, lifted him high in the air cheerfully. He allowed several of his own tears to fall for his boss and close friend, and Hannah noticed this, looking over. Seeing the direction of his gaze, her eyes flashed rage of unknown origin and she picked up a bottle of wine Shadow had failed to notice sitting on the coffee table. She threw it, screaming loudly and incoherently, and it hit the picture square in the center, shattering both the glass frame and the bottle. Falling out of its frame and gently to the floor, the picture fell face down, and Hannah slowly stood up and walked over, retrieving it, careful not to step on any glass. Bringing it back to the couch, she shakily handed it to Shadow; the smell of wine filled the air as it soaked the white carpeting, shards of glass scattered everywhere.

Hannah spoke gently, more gently than Shadow had expected, and slurred shakily, "That was taken on Robert's fifth birthday, at his great-grandfather, my grandfather's house. He died a few years back, just after his 10th year clean. He was named after him, you know," she said, pointing at the picture. She smiled weakly. "Robert the third, technically."

Shadow nodded, speaking gently so as not to upset the woman. "Your father's name was Robert, then?"

Hannah shook her head. "My father's name is Michael."

Shadow furrowed his brow in confusion. "Then, your great-grandfather was…?" he trailed off, seeing Hannah's face grow dull.

"Shadow, I've never told you or another employee under me this, so I'm trusting you greatly; maybe it's the two and a half bottles I've drank," she slurred, wildly gesturing to the empty bottles at the foot of the couch, "or maybe it's just because I trust you so much to begin with, but…" Trailing off, she hesitated, then took a deep breath, steadying herself. "Shadow, I'm transgender. My birth name was Robert."

Shadow blinked in absolute shock. He had no idea the woman in front of him had been born a man; there was no way to tell looking at her or hearing her speak. He grabbed her hand with his, grasped it firmly but softly at the same time, and looked her straight in the eyes as he responded to this bombshell, "Okay. I won't tell a soul." He didn't really know what else to say; the news didn't bother him, and he respected her just as much, if not more, but it shocked him nonetheless. He shakily asked, "Did he know? Robert, your son?"

Hannah shook her head. "I was going to tell him, but by the time he was old enough his views had become clear and apparent; I didn't want to drive him further away."

Shadow nodded in understanding. "I totally get it. I'm so sorry, Hannah, for everything…"

Hannah smiled weakly again. "It's okay, Shadow. It's nobody's fault but my own."

Shadow shook his head quickly, responding, "No, it absolutely is _not_ your fault. It's nobody's fault." He paused, unsure of how to continue, then found his words and went on, "You've suffered so much, you don't deserve unwarranted guilt and shame for something you had little control over. Hannah," he said, drawing in a breath, "in the most platonic way, I love you. I want to help you through this."

Hannah began crying again, responding between sobs, "I love you, too, Shadow." She rose to her feet unsteadily and, still holding Shadow's hand, guided him to the staircase. Following his boss up the stairs and down the hall, past Robert's room and into the master bedroom, he gasped silently.

The room was an absolute mess. A suitcase lay open on its side, clothes spilling out of it and laying around it, and things were knocked off noticeably bare dressers and tables. A lamp lay on the floor, shattered, and a photo of Hannah and her late husband Daniel lay crooked on the wall above her bed, the glass shattered. The bed was unmade, and at the foot of it lay, next to an unknown bottle of medication…

Hannah gathered the things on the end of the bed and handed them to Shadow. Breathing shakily, she said, "This is my prescription Vicodin I rarely use; I don't trust myself right now. Please take it with you until I'm a few months sober; I will need it back at some point. I hurt my back in a car crash when I was 18 and take a couple a month."

Shadow held the bottle in his hand, and it rattled loudly. He sighed in relief, thankful she hadn't'd taken it yet. In his other hand, he held a black handgun; Shadow, being proficient in firearms, recognized it to be a Glock G29. He asked, voice steady with shock and grief, "Why do you have this?"

Hannah sobbed, "Intruders. Self-protection. Shadow, I've been suicidal in the past; when I was a teenager I was 51-50'd eight times. I'll figure something else out; never give that back to me. Ever, no matter what I say."

The hedgehog nodded solemnly, now sure of his task. Thankfully, he had a large collection of legally owned firearms he could easily hide the gun in; nobody would be any the wiser.

Hannah sighed in exhaustion and lay on the bed, her eyes glazing over at the celling. She moaned, drunken and delirious, "Daniel…" before closing her eyes and slipping into a deep sleep. As she snored softly, Shadow gathered the bottles of wine, both full and empty, and brought them downstairs. Dumping the remainder of the alcohol down the drain, he quickly searched the house for more and, finding none, went to the living room and cleaned the broken glass carefully. As he threw it in the trash, along with the ruined frame, he placed the photo of Robert and Hannah on the kitchen table and made his way back into the living room, sitting on the couch. He allowed himself to sob freely, wracking his body with grief, before picking up his cell phone and calling Tails.

The foxes' usual cheerful voice came over the line, "Hey babe, what's up? You on your lunch break?" Hearing a sniff come from Shadow's end, Tails stiffened his voice and quietly added, "What's wrong?"

The hedgehog filled his boyfriend in on the situation, leaving out the gun and pills as well as Hannah's transgender bombshell, and Tails stayed silent until the end of Shadows' story. Finally, he sighed in a deep understanding and sadness, saying, "I'll be right over; stay there."

While his boyfriend was on the way over, Shadow next called Keeta and filled her in on the situation. Beginning to cry, he discovered the brunette woman with grey streaks was Hannah's aunt, and Robert her great-nephew. Shadow apologized for breaking the news at work, but Keeta only thanked him for telling her as soon as he did.

The fox arrived in less than a half hour, and the two sat on Hannah's couch sadly, talking in hushed tones. Shadow fixed them both lunch with Hannah's food, they sat at Hannah's table and ate, and finally, about two hours later the woman in question came down the stairs slowly and methodically, now dressed in casual clothes. Still drunk and grieving heavily, she looked at the fox and said, "You must be Tails. I don't believe we've had the pleasure of meeting."

Tails walked over and, in lieu of a handshake, hugged the tall woman, whispering, "I'm sorry it had to be in these conditions."

Hannah seemed to have no tears left and said calmly and steadily, "I am too. I'd like you two to come with me, if you don't mind. I don't think I can do this alone, nor can I drive in this state."

Shadow tilted his head, confused. The woman was still a little inebriated, and he didn't want to upset her as he asked gently, "Where, exactly, would we be going?"

Drawing in a deep breath, she said slowly, "After we go to an AA meeting, I'd like to visit my son in jail."

 **Author's Note II:**

Yes, for those of you wondering, this Hannah is based on me. I am transgender, male to female, and my legal name is Robert. It feels really nice to get that off my chest to the Internet; I know the web can be cruel sometimes, but I get the feeling my followers are not the type of people to be this way. Thank you all for your support, as always, and I look forward to seeing you in double-digit chapters!


	10. Chapter 10

Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened To Me. Eventually.

MaturePopcorn

 **Description:**

Shadow despises his job and everything about it. Though a hard alcoholic for many years, his drinking has significantly picked up recently. Once fired for drinking on the job, the heavy alcoholism continues, somehow even stronger, ultimately leading to trouble. Through his journey of recovery, he changes his outlook on life and incredible things begin to happen. Drama and angst, this is the most _mature_ fanfiction I've ever written, about the struggles of alcoholism and recovery; it is meant for older viewers.

 **Warning:**

Not much, really, just a voluntary 51-50 and some other small stuff.

 **Author's Note I:**

Double-digit chapters and 50,000 words… *Whistles* I never thought any story of mine would ever make it this far. Thank you all for your continued support; though I thank you nearly every chapter, it isn't enough to describe how I truly feel about you all. I am so, so, so very grateful for this community and for my new friends, and I hope to see you not only in more chapters to come, but in more stories to come. I love you all.

P.S. Shout out to my Grandma who, bless her heart, has found the time to read this entire story so far. I'm sorry it's so dark and graphic, and I'm sorry for the gay sex, but I hope you're enjoying seeing your granddaughter's most proud work of her life to date. I love you tons!

~Hannah~

Chapter 010

Silence filled the car as Tails pulled into the parking lot of Westopolis' eastern police station and jail; the town was so large it had two. The hedgehog and fox got out of the car, deadly quiet, as if scared to make any noise and disturb the fragile woman in the backseat. After a few moments, during which Shadow lit another cigarette, Hannah stepped out of the Mercedes and staggered a few steps before sitting on the curb. She breathed deeply, attempting to sober herself as much as possible; the police might not allow her to see her only child if she was visibly inebriated.

Tails grimaced and shivered, though not from cold. The last time he had been to a police station was to gather an escort on the way to Knuckles' house to inform the echidna and hedgehog of Espio's passing. The last time before that, he had gotten a restraining order. Needless to say, the fox was a little anxious and, sensing this, Shadow took a step towards him and put an arm around his shoulder. Comforted by his boyfriend, Tails leaned into the hedgehog and sighed deeply, taking in the scent of cigarette and faint trace of white wine.

Standing finally, Hannah spoke in a hushed tone, "Thank you for driving me. That AA meeting was a little rough, wasn't it?" She laughed despite the situation; it was devoid of humor, however, and came out coldly.

Shadow took a puff of his smoke and snorted, "I thought Nate was going to have a heart attack when we called him," attempting to lighten the mood.

Though this comment upset Hannah slightly, she made no sign of it and chuckled back. The three stood in silence again until the hedgehog finished his cigarette and turned, glancing back at his companions. They both nodded, and they all walked in together.

Tails blinked hard as he entered the building; he found it to have a familiar smell, and buried his face in his boyfriends' coat for comfort again. Allowing this, Shadow paused and Hannah continued alone, finding the first officer she could and beginning to explain the situation.

The officer looked familiar to Shadow. He couldn't place it at first, and as he followed Hannah and the man back through the police station and into the jail, he walked ahead until he caught up to the officer. Glancing sideways at the nametag, he froze in shock and fear.

His identification had read, "Mr. Coorssen".

Sensing the hedgehog stop in his tracks, Mr. Coorssen glanced back warily. "Everything alright, sir?"

Shadow found himself spilling the truth against his better judgment. "About eleven years ago, you handled a DUI car crash that killed three teenagers when a white Nissan hit a red truck." The officer nodded slowly, and Shadow continued, "I was the fourth passenger that fled."

Everyone in the group stiffened. Tails shot a glance of fear and concern, and Hannah looked confused in her mildly drunken state. As the implications dawned on her a moment later, she shot the same glance at her employee and friend, and Mr. Coorssen drew a long, deep breath, responding, "Technically, the statute of limitations for that case expired long ago. But I thank and commend you for coming forward." His tone was formal and cool, and he added the question, "Why _did_ you run?"

Voice trembling slightly, Shadow responded shortly, "Sir, I was 15 and scared for my life."

The man nodded in understanding. Continuing his walk down the hall, he commented, "I didn't see you at any of their funerals, either," before flashing his badge to an electronic door lock. Swinging a thick metal door open, he added, "Though I can understand why you wouldn't want to come."

Shadow nodded, though the man's face was turned, and they all filed into the holding room. Hannah stiffened, body tense, as she spotted her still bloody son in the corner of the cell, asleep. She had little control over her emotions by now, and practically shouted, "You people couldn't even clean him up or bandage him?!"

As Robert woke suddenly to the sound of his mother's voice, a second officer whose badge read "Mrs. Bumgardner" said in a stern voice, "He wouldn't let us. He's been coming off meth all night, and was dangerous to touch. We had to give him his own cell, and it's been straining our capacity." The woman was blunt, not really caring for the mother's feelings, and she snorted as she finished her statement before typing something into her computer.

Hannah walked over to the cell and gripped the bars tightly. "Robert…" she choked, her voice a high-pitched whisper. Her body was wracked with still more sobs, and she turned to the male officer, anger and determination flashing in her eyes. "I'm paying the bail."

Tails gasped, and Robert's eyes lit up; Shadow knew the boy had been expecting this and could tell from personal experience the boy was scheming something; he immediately lost all respect he thought he would have gained for the boy. He grabbed Hannah's arm a little forcefully and said, in a hushed voice so as not to alert the officer, "Hannah, no. You're drunk, and now is not the time to be making these decisions. You're smarter than this; he'll just run off," he said, blunter than the female officer.

Hannah growled, "No, he won't." Turning to her son, she continue, "He's learned his lesson this time, he _has_ to have." Dropping her voice to a whisper, she added, "You killed a young father of two."

Robert blinked, eyes displaying little emotion. This was news to him, as the police had told him little in his meth-addled state, but he didn't really care. Feigning despair, he whispered back, "No…" before allowing crocodile tears to fall from his eyes. Shadow knew immediately what was happening. Robert was a clinical sociopath.

The boy continued quietly, "What was his name?"

Hannah answered back, "Ryan. I think he was 35. He had two beautiful sons, they were in the backseat and they reminded me so much of you at their ages, and I just…" She then trailed off, sobbing violently. "They were both so young; they didn't understand what was happening. What you had done..."

Robert sat down, burying his face in his lap. His eyes were red from drug use, though to his mother it appeared as though he had been crying. She turned to Officer Coorssen and requested firmly, voice trembling, "Let me in the cell."

"Absolutely not," came both officers and Shadow at the same time.

Hannah continued angrily, "You don't understand, he's _changed!_ Let me see my son!" She began to shake the bars aggressively, and Tails grabbed her shoulders tightly, taking a deep breath. Hannah did the same. Coming to her senses at last, she glanced at the boy and said, "No, you're right. Now isn't the right time. I'll be back tomorrow to pay bail." She turned to the fox and hedgehog, adding, "Please, allow me some alone time with my son."

Shadow opened his mouth to protest but was cut off by Tails who assertively answered, "Fine, but I'm informing the officers right now that you're quite drunk and in no position to be making long-term decisions."

Hannah gasped angrily, and Officer Bumgardner typed quickly on her keyboard. She whispered at the fox, "How dare you," before Officer Coorssen responded to the fox, "Thank you for the information. She's allowed to stay and visit, as long as she's civil. Why don't you two step out into the lobby? I'll escort you. Mrs. Bumgardner," he added, exchanging an awkward glance of unknown origin with his co-worker, "This goes without saying, but don't allow her to post bail at this time."

"Absolutely not," came a curt reply.

Shadow and Tails, both in a daze, followed the man back down the hallway and into the foyer of the station. They made their way to a coffee stand and poured themselves a cup each, the fox grabbing a doughnut. Sitting on one of the many couches, the hedgehog glanced around and quickly realized they were quite alone in the building save a single receptionist.

He sighed, and Tails took a bite of the pastry. "In all the time I've known her…" he breathed shakily, "I've never seen Hannah like that…" Tails nodded sadly, swallowing.

"From what I've heard, she's a pretty level-headed person. Usually. I can't imagine that behavior will last, and she'll come to her senses soon."

As if on cue, the woman in question stumbled through the hallway door, followed by a new, third officer. It was evident very quickly that she had _not_ remained civil as requested, and had been escorted out. Forcefully.

Shadow gave her a long, hard look, eyes full of sadness and pity. He couldn't begin to imagine what she was going through as a person, let alone as a parent, and he stood, ready to comfort her. Instead of accepting his open arms, however, she slammed her body into the glass doors of the building and staggered wildly outside. Hannah took three steps, fell to her knees, and vomited white wine and sushi all over the sidewalk.

Tails gritted his teeth and scratched his head in second-hand embarrassment. He exchanged a knowing look with Shadow, then glanced at the new officer who scowled as though he would personally have to clean up the mess.

Noticing the hedgehog and fox, he walked towards them and asked, "Are you with her?" When they both nodded, he continued, "My name is Officer Wilsey. Please, take her home and let her rest before she does any more damage to our jail cell."

Tails groaned for at least ten seconds while Shadow asked, "What did she do?"

"Oh, y'know, just punched a hole in Officer Bumgardner's computer." He paused for this to sink in, then said, "We know her address quite well by now and will bill her for the damage later. We aren't pressing charges due to the circumstances; hopefully she finds this well when she sobers up."

Shadow whistled despite the severity of the situation as Hannah groaned from outside. "Jesus Christ, Hannah…"

The two anthropomorphic animals picked Hannah up by her arms and dragged her to her feet; finding the ability to walk, she allowed them to guide her back to the car in silence. Tails started the engine and Shadow rolled the roof of the convertible down, saying, "I'm gonna smoke if you don't mind."

Tails snorted, "Given the circumstances, I don't."

Hannah lay across the back seat, half-moaning and half-crying, and they drove her home. Upon arriving, the sun had already set behind the distant high-rise buildings, and they carried her to her bed where they put her under the covers as best they could, still fully dressed. Tails set about cleaning up the room, removing the broken lamp and organizing the dressers and shelves with the various knickknacks and photo frames strewn about on the floor, while Shadow wrote a note that he left on the nightstand. It simply read, "Call me first thing in the morning, Shadow" He didn't feel the need to say or do much more; with no gun, no alcohol, and no pills, Hannah was relatively safe. The two made their way to the car and got in, drove home, and stayed up late watching TV; neither were able to sleep much that night.

* * *

Shadow woke up suddenly to the sound of his phone ringing loudly. Upon picking it up, he noticed both the time, 4:42am, and the source of the caller; it was Hannah. Tails shifted in his sleep next to him, and he answered the call, quietly getting out of bed and exiting the bedroom, entering the living room.

Sitting on the couch, he finally said, "Hello?" and was greeted with a few long moments of silence before a quiet, somber voice came to him from the other end.

"Hello, Shadow. It's Hannah."

Sighing in relief, he answered back, "Hey, how are you holding up?"

His boss snorted loudly. "Not well, as you can imagine, but I'm sober now. Thank you for taking care of me, and thank you for…" she paused, lowering her voice as though someone could hear her, then continued, "for taking away my gun. I looked for it this morning and regretted it shortly after."

Shadow closed his eyes. He wasn't totally shocked, but he was deeply saddened by these words and a little scared; even without a gun, suicide was always possible. He hesitated before requesting, "Why don't you come into work today? Don't necessarily do anything work-related; just sit in your office and talk to us. I don't want you to be alone today." When Hannah said nothing for a moment, he added, "You do so much for us, allow us to do this little bit back."

Hannah sighed shakily before responding, "Yeah, maybe I will."

Shadow breathed in relief yet again. Another thought crossed his mind. He voiced his concern before he could hesitate a moment longer, "Or rather, should you be 51-50'd again?"

Hannah hesitated, thinking. She responded, slowly and methodically, "It might be the wisest choice, but with everything going on, I'd really rather not… Between work and court and everything else in my life, a 51-50 would only stress me out more... I haven't been to a psych ward for myself since I was 19. I can promise you I won't do anything rash; I'll come into work, and I'll talk with everyone openly."

Shadow grimaced. "Okay, if that's what you think is best…" he answered back. In truth, he debated calling 911 anyway; he knew she would thank him in the end. Deciding against it, he noticed his boyfriend standing bleary eyed in the hallway, concerned. He asked, "Would you like to speak to Tails?"

He received more hesitation, followed by an eventual, "Yes, I think I would." The hedgehog stood and walked over to the fox, handed the phone off, then walked over and sat back down.

"Hello? Yes, it's nice to hear you doing better." Silence. "It's okay, I totally understand, there's nothing to apologize for…" More silence. "Yes, I understand. I will." Even more silence. "No need to apologize, it's okay. Friends help friends." He walked to the couch and handed the phone back to Shadow, mouthing, "Get dressed," before turning and walking back to the bedroom.

Shadow breathed, "Hello?" and got back a shaky sob. Hannah had apparently begun crying again while talking to the fox, and he blinked, startled.

"I've changed my mind, Shadow. I'd like to be 51-50'd."

He bolted up from his seat, nearly dropping the phone, and ran to the bedroom to get dressed, responding, "Okay, sure. Stay on the phone until we get there, alright?"

Hannah agreed, and the hedgehog and fox both changed from practically nothing to full day clothes. They rushed out of the building, stumbling with exhaustion, and got in Tails' older, bulkier car. They drove the 30 minutes to Hannah's house, neither party hanging up the entire time, and when they arrived the sun had just begun to rise above the rolling hills to the east. Opening the front door as they pulled up, Hannah locked up her house and, walking slowly down her front steps with a large suitcase in hand, got in the car.

Tails inquired gently, "What's with the suitcase?"

Hannah laughed, "I've been in the hospital so many times, I know exactly what to bring. Clothes, books, toiletries…" She sighed in exhaustion, slowly blinking her eyes shut. The fox nodded in understanding and drove to the hospital, chatting with Shadow about the details of a 51-50 the way there.

When they arrived and entered the building, the first person Shadow noticed was a familiar face. He smiled weakly and called, "Kelly!" before making his way over to the nurse, who was getting a cup of coffee.

Kelly beamed. "Oh, Shadow, it's been so long! How have you been?"

Shadow sighed, "Been better, been worse; been sober eight months. I'm here to drop off a friend, for the psych ward."

"Oh, well I'm actually on my way out for my weekend, but here," she said cheerfully, reaching into her back pocket, producing a business card. "Call me sometime and we'll catch up!" she added.

Shadow nodded, "I'd like that."

The two parted ways again, and he walked over to his boss and boyfriend. The 51-50 process had begun, voluntarily, and Hannah was escorted by a nurse to a back room. A second nurse looked at them both, compassion in his eyes. "Thank you for taking her in. Here's a list of visiting hours," he said, sliding a paper with hours and days listed on it across the desk before continuing, "I would recommend giving her a couple days before you come and visit her; she'll need to settle in."

The duo nodded, and they left the building without another word. On the way back to the car, Shadow blacked out of consciousness for a moment and hit the pavement hard, face first. Now bleeding, he came back to reality, dazed, to the sound of his boyfriend yelling in shock, and he shook his head and stood on unsteady legs. "W-wha-?"

Tails grabbed Shadow's hand and practically dragged him back up to the hospital, informing the receptionist what had just transpired. He was placed, against his will, in a hospital bed and Tails sat on the chair next to it, staring at his boyfriend concerned. It was an identical layout to the one he had been in after his motorcycle crash, and he stared at the wall with narrowed eyes. "Tails…" he began.

The fox cut him off. "I don't want to hear it. You're probably just exhausted, I am too; but you're here just in case. Plus, your nose might be broken."

A nurse came in, and Shadow groaned; before the man could speak a word, the hedgehog snapped indignantly, "Look, I'm just tired, alright? Just do a couple quick scans and let me go home."

The nurse chuckled. "Well, you certainly sound tired. Why don't you tell me about your sleep schedule these last few days?" Shadow filled him in on what had transpired over the last week or so, and the man nodded. As the hedgehog finished his story, he said, "Yes, that sounds like exhaustion to me. You likely lost consciousness briefly as your body literally shut down from stress. Let me take your pulse and blood pressure…"

The nurse completed his tests, and within an hour the hedgehog was discharged. His advice was to get some sleep, but he tried to refuse, saying to his boyfriend that he simply _had_ to go to work. Tails grew furious at this.

"Shadow the Hedgehog, you are coming home this instant and climbing into bed next to me. I'm not letting you leave our apartment until you've slept at least 12 hours."

Shadow looked at the roof of the car he was in with a mixture of annoyance and humor. "Tails, that would put as at 8pm; that doesn't even make sense. I'd be up all night."

"No, you wouldn't," the fox shot back. "You're so damn tired you'll sleep all day _and_ all night, and I'll let you go to work tomorrow."

"Tails, are you sure you aren't delirious yourself?"

"I probably am."

Laughing, the hedgehog caved. As they pulled up to their apartment building, he followed his boyfriend up the elevator and down the hall, into their unit. They made their way to the bedroom, undressed to barely underwear, and crawled into bed. They fell asleep holding each other within five minutes. They stayed asleep for 16 hours each.

* * *

Shadow rolled into the bank a solid 30 minutes before work started the next day; showing up this early was becoming a pattern he was quite proud of. He turned on his computer and left the cubicle, grabbing a cup of coffee before returning. When he did so, the computer was on, and he had too many emails and too much work to do. Missing one day, the work had piled on as though he had missed ten. Sighing, he started his day.

Lunch finally rolled around, and he got up from his computer, stretching. He had made considerable progress, though hadn't'd completely caught up to where he was "supposed" to be, but he didn't mind; he had more important things to do. He walked over to Keeta's cubicle and knocked softly on the walls.

"Hey, would you like to join me? I'm visiting Hannah in the hospital."

Keeta stood at once. "Of course, I'll come." She grabbed her purse and shut down her desktop, then followed the hedgehog towards the elevator. Along the way, four more employees added themselves to the line, and in the elevator, another two joined. The eight total people piled themselves onto the first bus that came to the stop outside the bank, and they took the 45 minute ride to the hospital, all chatting noisily about their lives, their boss, and work.

The caravan of workers filed into the psych ward of the hospital to a surprised yet professionally indifferent staff, who checked them all in before leading them to a room at the end of a long, bland hallway. Shadow realized this hospital smelled the same as the one in Empire City; he wondered if they all did. As they reached the back room, a large living area with a plastic-enclosed TV set to cable news, Keeta was the first to spot the woman, her niece, writing something in a notebook at a table with nobody around her. The notebook itself looked old and worn, and the page she was currently on was filled to the brim with small, messy scrawl with lines through sentences and corrections made in different colored pens.

Jogging over, the older woman hugged her niece from behind, and Hannah tensed, unsure of who it was. Recognizing her by her perfume, she relaxed and let out a sigh of relief, turning in her chair and hugging her back. Tears formed in her eyes as she noticed the decently-sized group of workers behind her. Feeling grateful, she stood and hugged them one by one, ending with Shadow, who she whispered plainly but sweetly in the hedgehogs' ear, "Thank you for everything. I owe you my life."

Shadow found himself unexpectedly emotional at this and whispered back simply, "You'd do the same for me." Pausing, he allowed a teardrop to fall from his cheek before adding, "You have, in fact."

Nodding, his boss uncoupled and smiled. The nine people visited for an hour and a half before eventually being kicked out by hospital staff when visitation hours ended. Towards the end of their stay, Shadow found a moment where Hannah was alone in conversation and pulled her aside, asking, "What's the notebook about?"

She laughed, retrieving it from the table and opening for the hedgehog. "Oh, this? It's a notebook I got from a rehab _years_ ago; I started writing a book then." Shadow blinked but said nothing, allowing the woman to continue with a sigh, "But with a wedding, adopting a kid, work, and finally…" Choking, she whispered, "My husband's funeral, I never had time to finish it." She smiled softly. "Sometimes I work on it here and there."

"What's it about?" the hedgehog inquired gently?

She only giggled in response, holding a finger to her lips. "You'll have to wait until it's published. Well, I'll let you read it before then, but you'll have to wait until it's complete."

Shadow sighed in mock defeat, rolling his eyes at his employer. In truth, he was very curious about the contents of the story, but held his tongue; Hannah had been through enough already without his badgering.

As they left the hospital and returned to the bank after an _extremely_ long lunch, Shadow received a call from an unknown number on his cell phone. Figuring it might be Hannah calling from the hospital phone, he picked up, and felt an uneasy feeling in his stomach as he did so.

Shadow warily began, "Hello?" before being greeted with silence. Then, the line suddenly went blank as the person on the other end hung up. Frowning, he shook his head and tried to ignore the feeling of overwhelming anxiety creeping from inside himself, instead returning to his work for the day.

It would not be the last time he received a call like this.

* * *

*Three Hours Earlier*

Officer Coorssen let out a long exhale as he opened the large metal door to the holding cell, allowing three men in their early 20's to enter against his better judgment. Robert noticed them at once and perked up, walking over to the bars and cheerfully shouting, "Aye, 'sup?"

"Fucking meth head," one boy, a Hispanic kid barely 20 with tattoos covering his face and neck, sneered. Mockingly, he continued, "You're pretty little mom post bail yet?"

Robert's demeanor immediately shifted to a hardened, angered state as he responded through gritted teeth, "No. I told you that shit through the phone, Carlos, the fucking hedgehogs' faggot boyfriend convinced her not to; the fucking fox." Chuckling coldly, he added, "Bitch of a mom is locked up in a psych ward about now though, so I hear. Though I'm surprised these _people,_ " he gestured to the police officers, who both looked at him warily as he went on, "tell me anything anymore."

Another boy spoke quietly from the back of the group, asking, "You see the kids of that guy you kill? News said he was a pastor."

Robert dropped his shoulders, answering rudely, "Yeah, James, I fucking cried all night. _NO_ I didn't see the fucking kids, do I look like I give a shit?" he paused, craning his mouth through the bars of the cell and eyeing the cops before whispering at the third boy, the tallest and most stoic, "Hey, Juan. Listen here, fucker. I gave you guys a shit ton of money over the years." He paused, thinking, before continuing, "Now that my dead-to-me mother ain't paying my bail, I ain't gettin' out of here anytime soon; that much is _clearly_ the foxes fault. Figure something out about it, and we'll call it even on the cash."

The police officers seemed not to have heard this remark, and the boy silently nodded, understanding his task. Though he hated the bankers' son, he _had_ slowly given them upwards of $25,000 over the years, and they owed him big time. Juan hated owing people, even if they were in prison. One little clean up wasn't too big of a deal for three people to handle…

 **Author's Note II:**

Admittedly not one of my best works, but looking back before I publish it, I can confirm it's alright. It's certainly plot heavy towards the end, and uh, I'm really tired. Anyway I pushed it out because I got a great idea for a new direction to take the story in, and I won't be able to post for a week, so I wanted to leave y'all with _something_ rather than nothing.

*Spoiler Alert* there may be future relapse.


End file.
